Ygor Blimey

Old Ygor's as ugly as heck
A mental and physical wreck
Surviving the scaffold
Leaves local cops baffled
And him with a pain in the neck.

David Cairns

Bela Lugosi in Son of Frankenstein (Rowland V. Lee, 1939).

Friend Bad

Though he's really an evil old creep,
the monster thinks Igor's his "peep"
Pretending they're friends
to serve his own ends,
he gave him a vest made from sheep

Boris and Bela team up in Son of Frankenstein (Rowland V. Lee, 1939).

Annoy All Monsters!

The torch-bearing townsfolk beleaguer
Our monster, whose brain-power's meager
When asked why he crouches,
He meekly avouches,
"I don't want to appear over Ygor."

David Cairns


Boris Karloff as the monster and Bela Lugosi as Ygor in Son of Frankenstein (Rowland V. Lee, 1939). This is one of my favorites of David's limericks. He first posted it as a comment on an earlier Son of limerick, Rated X-Ray. Finding such gems buried in the comments, I knew David had to join our crew.

Tommy Gunsel

This psycho likes shirts that are black
He'll give your old lady a smack
One way or another
he'll prey on your mother
On sidewalks he'll step on a crack

That first step's a doozy. Giggling killer Tommy Udo (Richard Widmark) enjoys pushing an old lady in a wheelchair down the stairs in Kiss of Death (Henry Hathaway, 1947). David Cairns informs us that his mum is a big fan of Mr. Widmark and that she'll get a kick out of the limerick.

Udo's Kudos

His laugh's a cacophonous cackle
(Hyena if crossed with a jackal)
His heart, like his shirt,
is blacker than dirt,
His tendencies quite maniacal.

David Cairns

Richard Widmark made his memorable film debut as killer Tommy Udo in Kiss of Death (Henry Hathaway, 1947).

Tempus Fugitive

When falsely convicted he ran
and hides out wherever he can
Pursued by a cop,
Doc Kimble can't stop
till finding that damn one-armed man



The Fugitive ran on television from 1963-67. David Janssen played the man on the lam with a nervous smile, Barry Morse was his relentless pursuer, Lt. Phillip Gerard, and Bill Raisch was the elusive One-Armed Man. Image source: DVD Talk. Fugitive Fridays is now up and running at Limerwrecks.

The Killer in Hyde

He swallows a bubbling potion

and feels a most troub'ling emotion

The evil set free

Goes on criminal spree

And causes a mighty commotion.

David Cairns

Fredric March is both Dr. Jekyll and Hyde (Rouben Mamoulian, 1932).

Velvet Touch of Evil

When crossing the border by crane
We see Rudy Linneker slain
A subsequent crime
Is solved in no time
Since the culprit neglected his cane.

David Cairns



Janet Leigh and Charlton Heston cross the border in Orson Welles's noir masterpiece, Touch of Evil (aka Badge of Evil, 1958) . This entire opening scene in a single crane shot is one of the most elaborate and celebrated in film history. Watch it on Youtube, here. Image source: DVD Beaver.

Report Retort

As secret as those of Aladdin
are the riches of Mr. Arkadin
This native of Georgia
's a latter day Borgia
Confidentially, Gregor's a bad 'un.



His accent's wild, woolly and weird
It's strained through a ludicrous beard
This rich man of leisure
pretends am-a-nesia
His history's quite disappeared.

David Cairns


Orson Welles is Mr. Arkadin (1955), aka Confidential Report. Feigning amnesia, Arkadin hires dopey American Guy Van Stratten (Robert Arden) to investigate his past as a means to secretly eradicate all trace of his criminal beginnings. "Am-a-nesia" is the odd way actor Arden pronounces amnesia. The plot was expanded from "Greek Meets Greek", a script Welles had written for his Third Man radio series, The Adventures of Harry Lime. Image source: DVD Beaver.

Scat People

She sure is a cute little Serb,
Her figure and face are superb
The boys make a beeline,
discover she's feline,
and kitty gets kicked to the curb

David Cairns

The feline Irena (Simone Simone) will scratch your eyes out in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur, 1942). This April Limerwrecks is proud to feature the putrid poetics of David Cairns. In addition to his day job (most likely at at a mortuary), David writes his blog Shadowplay, and yet still has time to write his lurid limericks for us. When does watch all those movies?

Nicholas Uncaged

Overacting was meant for the stage
but no one told Nicholas Cage
He rants and he raves
and seldom behaves
On Facebook his status is rage.

Nick Cage goes nuts--again and again--in this hilarious and profanity-strewn montage on youtube.

Grease Monkeyshines

When fleeing from bullet-barrage
the place to hole-up's a garage
So try not to panic
Become a mechanic:
You'll be safe till at least the montage

David Cairns


David reminds us that Impact, The Killers, and Out of the Past all feature heroes who lie low by working in gas stations. Top: Robert Mitchum and Paul Valentine chat about old times in Out of the Past (1947); Above: Ella Raines gets greasy in Impact (Arthur Lubin, 1949). Image source: hal0000; Lost in the Frame.

Plumber and Dumber

Arising from fondling his tools,
her eyes were two big, limpid pools
Her drooling had drenched
his extra-large wrench--
You thought I meant family jewels?


April fools!