Sitting Through the Dreck of M. Bay

With decibels blasting our ears
We're oppressed and harassed movie-seers
As Bay's shots jolt and judder
We don't plotz - we just shudder
It's a mess! We're aghast! Michael cheers!

David Cairns

Does it really matter which Michael Bay movie it is?

Number Two with a Gun

Like a boy who's all id, Bay explodes
He enjoys blowing lids off commodes
Each new set is a toy
That he'll get to destroy
Dropping noisy and hideous loads.


Michael Bay on the set of one of his stupid movies. This is the third or fourth time we've rhymed boys, toys, and noise in a limerick about Bay. You'd think it was past time he'd grow up. Title by David Cairns.

Big Bang Weary

With bad boys and bad toys Bay engages
We're annoyed, don't enjoy his road rages
Yet he digitally renders
Unabridged fender-benders
He's employed to make noise for his wages.

David Cairns

Another ridiculous movie moment from Michael Bay.

Bay, Humbug!

Bay's schtick is a mite overdone
Each flick he'll ignite and yell "RUN!"
Think 'excrement, loud'
With fx well-endowed
His pictures more frightful than fun.

Avoid the movies of Michael Bay like you would a sharp stick to the eye.

I Saw Commies Killing Santa Claus

You chumps thought that Christmas was back
But, lump it, it's under attack!
Not from Socialist Dems
that the White House condemns
But Trump and his Putin-backed PAC!

Surly Hack

"Tom" Turkey

Folks scowl at his work, though it's cracking
Cry foul! That's no jerk they're attacking
Peeping Tom freaked 'em out
And it bombed, there's no doubt
Mr. Powell's too quirky for backing.

David Cairns



Top: Director Michael Powell, Pamela Green, and Susan Travers on the set of Peeping Tom (1960), the film that tanked his career. Above: Powell appears in the film as the father of the tortured protagonist. Part of the The Late Show, the late films blogathon at Shadowplay.

The Right Snuff

The camera prodding and poking,
Some damsels are shot as they're croaking
Woo hoo! What a scandal!
It's too much to handle
Your license to film they're revoking.

Brenda Bruce sees death in the lens in Peeping Tom (Michael Powell; 1960). Producer/director Michael Powell's career in the UK never recovered. Part of the The Late Show, the late films blogathon at Shadowplay. 

Rank and Vile

After Rank, second-tier films you're cranking
You're at Anglo? Career must be tanking!
This flick with Carl Boehm
As a sick Peeping Toehm
Makes nerves jangle with fear as he's shanking.

David Cairns



This is part of the Late Show: The Late Films Blogathon, being held at David Cairns' Shadowplay.

Rank and Anglo refer to British film companies. After a long association with the Rank Organisation, in 1960 director Michael Powell made Peeping Tom at Anglo-Amalgamated. The film starred Austrian-German actor Carl (Karl) Boehm as a a serial killer who murders women using a portable film camera which also records their dying expressions of terror.

From Wikipedia:
The Rank Organisation was a British entertainment conglomerate founded by industrialist J. Arthur Rank in April 1937. It quickly became the largest and most vertically integrated film company in the United Kingdom, owning production, distribution and exhibition facilities.

Anglo-Amalgamated Productions was a British film production company, run by Nat Cohen and Stuart Levy, which operated from 1945 until roughly 1971 (after which it was absorbed into EMI Films). Low-budget and second features, often produced at Merton Park Studios, formed much of its output. It was the UK distributor of many films produced by American International Pictures (AIP), who distributed AA's films in the United States.

Peeping Tom Foolery

Blending painting, performance, and score
Michael Powell made films that don't bore
Brits called it "bad taste"
But, oh, what a waste
That Mike couldn't make many more.

From Wikipedia: Although admirers would argue that Powell ought to rank alongside fellow British directors Alfred Hitchcock and David Lean, his career suffered a severe reversal after the release of the controversial psychological thriller Peeping Tom, made in 1960 as a solo effort. The film was excoriated by mainstream British critics, who were offended by its sexual and violent images; Powell was ostracized by the film industry and found it almost impossible to work thereafter.

This lim on Peeping Tom (Michael Powell; 1960) is part of the The Late Show, the late films blogathon at Shadowplay.

Box Sore

The President stood in his box
Was booed like a pestilent pox
He thought, "This is weird...
I ought to be cheered...
The game's being broadcast on Fox!"

Tumbling Tumbleweeds

Intermission Impossible

Enough with the giant spiders and bugs. We're taking a break. See you soon.

Roadkiller

“Massive spider runs out of control!”
Someone dial up the Highway Patrol!
The job should be offered
To Broderick Crawford;
We can’t have bugs breaking parole.

Paul Truster



Top: Tarantula (Jack Arnold; 1955) Above: Broderick Crawford starred as Police chief Dan Mathews on the television series Highway Patrol from 1955 to 1959.