Friday, June 14, 2019

The Man From Drunkle

She comforts her pitiful boss
The dummy just sits, at a loss
Though his tests seem to work
A big pest goes berserk
And, glum, he's been hitting the sauce.

Mara Corday assists Scientist Leo G. Carroll, afflicted by acromegaly in Tarantula (Jack Arnold; 1955). Title by punchline drunk Jim Siergey.

Thursday, June 13, 2019

Invitation to the Ants

In the fifties, these creatures prevail
'Cause they're nifty, each big as a whale
Giant hideous ants
Make the kids crap their pants
Although thrifty, B-features have scale.

David Cairns

Giant ants threaten humankind in THEM! (Gordon Douglas; 1954).

Wednesday, June 12, 2019

Gore In Store

An attempt to increase farmer’s yields
Proves disastrous without proper shields.
Now the ravenous ‘hoppers
Are clacking their choppers;
Don’t let them attack Marshall Field’s!

Paul Truster

Grasshoppers attack Chicago in Beginning of the End (Bert I. Gordon; 1957). Marshall Field’s was a famous department store in the city.

Tuesday, June 11, 2019

Cheapjack Web

In its trap you'll get stuck and...oh my
It'll tap you and suck your bod dry
Once awakened by rock
It'll make with the schlock
It's the crappiest, yucky sci-fi.

Teenagers Eugene Persson and June Kenney are stuck in the web of a giant tarantula in Earth vs. the Spider (a.k.a. The Spider and Earth vs. the Giant Spider; Bert I. Gordon; 1958).

Monday, June 10, 2019

Shock Hop

So this spider crawls out of a hole
And discovers it hates rock and roll
The kids aren’t attracted
To the grumpy arachnid
He can’t help it – he just prefers soul!

Paul Truster

A rock band practicing for a school dance awakens the title tarantula in Earth vs. the Spider (Bert I. Gordon; 1958).

Friday, June 7, 2019

Say No to Bugs

The worst kind of flicks to get bit in:
These cursed drive-in quickies, ill-written
Starring bugs grown audacious
And both ugly, voracious
Blood-thirsty, thick-coated with chitin.

David Cairns

Earth vs. the Spider (a.k.a. The Spider and Earth vs. the Giant Spider; Bert I. Gordon; 1958). Title by naysayer Donald B. Benson. 

Limerick Lexicon: chitin noun; a tough semitransparent horny substance; the principal component of the exoskeletons of arthropods

Thursday, June 6, 2019

Vengeance is Them's

The fashion was critters that kill
They'd smash, grab and skitter at will
These giants bore scars
From highways of cars
That mashed them to bits on the grille.

The Big Bug sci-fi monster craze of the 1950s spawned many films. Insects strike back in movies such as THEM!, Tarantula, Beginning of the End, and Deadly Mantis (pictured).

Wednesday, June 5, 2019

Ant Eaters

Their pincers are sharp as they hug me
I wince as they carve up and mug me
They prefer Man to feces
So it's curtains, dear species
These insects are starting to bug me.

THEM! (Gordon Douglas; 1954). Title by David Cairns, who is getting antsy.

Tuesday, June 4, 2019


Either commies attack, or it's bugs!
Kids read comics, talk back, and take drugs!
We're all going to pot!
It's a galling Red plot!
So moms, give them smacks and not hugs!

Sandy Descher wanders through the irradiated desert in THEM! (Gordon Douglas; 1954). Title by missing delinquent David Cairns.

Monday, June 3, 2019

Do You Dig Graves?

Call for Graves when the danger gets mortal
He will save you from spray that's aortal
When bugs run berserk
This mug goes to work
You'll be saved, though his "range" makes me chortle.

David Cairns

Beginning of the End (Bert I. Gordon, 1957) stars Peter Graves of Mission Impossible fame, here protecting Peggie Castle from the giant grasshoppers that attack Chicago.

Friday, May 31, 2019

Monster Yuck Rally

You can't reason with insectoid threats
Killer bees ain't directed like pets
Waving feelers, THEM! come
Giant gila looks dumb
Wrecking cheesy and second-rate sets.

David Cairns

A giant prehistoric scorpion is freed by an erupting volcano and battles tanks and helicopters in The Black Scorpion (Edward Ludwig; 1957). Featuring stop motion animation created by Willis O'Brien.

Thursday, May 30, 2019

Blanket Coverage

Her trauma’s beyond all endurance
(And she may need that treatment with currents);
But the doctors’ first task
Is, as always, to ask:
“Does this cute little mite have insurance?”

Paul Truster

William Schallert and James Whitmore rescue Sandy Descher, traumatized by THEM! (Gordon Douglas; 1954).

Wednesday, May 29, 2019

Pajama Gamey

He reels, filled with dread and disgust
It feels like his head might just bust
He wanders all night
Till dawn's early light
Reveals that he's dead in the dust.

Okay, so Prof. Deemer is NOT dead at this point in the movie. Don't make me show you my poetic license. Leo G. Carroll in Tarantula (Jack Arnold; 1955).