Kiss Me, You Ghoul

Your story was just getting started
Exploring a lust yet uncharted
Though she's bones now, deceased
Your jonesing's increased
Amor with the musty departed.


Art by Bernard Bailey; Weird Mysteries #12 (September 1954)

Love and Breath

You're spunky, well-coiffed, far too young
He's funky, like coffin-grade dung
That taste in your mouth
Like waste that's gone south...
From chunks that fall off of his tongue.


Art by Lee Elias; Chamber of Chills #23 (1954).

GRAVE-FILLING TALES OF SUSPENSE!

A figure, all ghostly and dried
Is digging a hole...but who died?
It's terrible news:
They're wearing your shoes
The jig's up, now go--get inside!


Suspense #19 (1952); art by Russ Heath. Okay, what's with the bucket of water?

Drop Dead, Gorgeous

She's killing that dress in the tomb

You're willing? Say "yes!" You're Death's groom

This lady in red 

Has made you a bed  

Her chilling caress is your doom.

Cover by Russ Heath for Adventures into Terror #16, February, 1953.

Met Fans

Some finks meet their partners in bars
Some think that it's all in the stars 
That when planets allign
Romance goes online
Let's drink to those well met on Mars.

Art by Steve Ditko; Strange Tales #84 (May 1961).

The Deranged Love of Martha Ivers

This sister is rotten, a nut 
In a twisted noir plot she's been shut
Her love is tremendous
Above all, horrendous
She'll be kissed and then shot in the gut.


Kirk Douglas and Barbara Stanwyck in The Strange Love of Martha Ivers (1946).

Martha, Martha, Martha

She's nasty, she schemes and obsesses
And ghastly are dreams she confesses
Awaiting her fate
She's fatal to date
Her past is a scream she supresses.

Kirk Douglas,Van Heflin, and Barbara Stanwyck in The Strange Love of Martha Ivers (1946).

Zombie Flesh Easter

 

It's Easter, give praise, do not mourn
Your deceased savior's raised and reborn
But these dead, now alive
Open heads to survive
And will feast on your brains Sunday morn.

Pasty-faced extras lurch through Night of the Living Dead (1968). Our title is by David Cairns, and is a nod to Zombies 2, aka Zombie Flesh Eaters (1979). We're going to hell in an Easter basket for resurrecting this blasphemous limerick each year.

Skull and Void

Steer clear of this beauty, high class 

Who appears in this view through the glass

Her skeleton groom

Must spell certain loom

So cheers to her funeral mass!

1953 cover by artist Lee Elias.

Overthrowing a Switch

Some fellow has taken my place
A felon -- a fake -- with my face
Steals my pup and my life
Plus he's schtupping my wife
Invading my personal space!


Barry Nelson returns home one day to find his doppelganger has replaced him in The Man with My Face (Edward Montagne; 1951).

David's a Goliath

Filmmaker, screenwriter, teacher, critic, and LimerWrecks contributor David Cairns is a busy fellow. He's just finished a novel, We Used Dark Forces: A Whitsuntide Science Adventure, which you can purchase or read about here. David's mad scientist character Whisuntide is featured in his short film The Northleach Horror, free to watch here. I'm a big fan of David's deadpan comedy short, Cry For Bobo -- which you can watch here. David also co-directed and wrote the screenplay for the feature documentary, Natan. And don't forget to visit David's lively and informative blog Shadowplay. Like I said, a busy fellow.

Bjorn Yesterday

LimerWrecks contributor Donald B. Benson is a retired staff writer for the San Jose Mercury News. He takes pictures of discarded furniture and other curious items, and writes limericks. He's also published his first novel, Her Temporary Prince, which you can read about and/or purchase here.

"...a lively farce of crossed wires and competing schemes. What happens afterwards is still farcical ... but fraught with action, cliffhangers, spectacle, love, tears, and Ballyhoo -- the fads, follies and celebrity worship that made the twenties roar.

If you loved "The Prisoner of Zenda", you'll enjoy this affectionate but freewheeling return to Ruritania. It comes complete with passion, daring-do, and even a helping hand from an old Englishman named Rassendyll.

PS: "Her Temporary Prince" contains a little over 223,000 words, so in addition to rich, fleshed-out narrative you're getting Value for Money. And you can be reasonably sure you won't run out of book if you're reading during an airport layover (when you don't want to waste the bestseller you're taking on vacation), or in a DMV line, or over several days of commuting."

Turn the Screwy

 
Screwy Tuesday is a weekly online wacky humor event. Just search for the hashtag #screwytuesday, and please join us. All cartoonists are welcome!