Let He Who Is Without Skin…

They're jammin' the blues on dem bones
That tambre, those musical tones!
But no vertebrae's fused
Neither hurt nor abused
To damage them, use sticks and stones.


A spinal column becomes a xylophone in The Skeleton Dance (Ub Iwerks; 1929). Title by Donald Benson, who has the skinny.

THIS is Spinal Tap

This xylophone's slickly erected
Restyling bones quickly selected
This chuckle-head dreamer
Gets struck with a femur
A smiling, prone, stickman dissected.

David Cairns


The Skeleton Dance (Ub Iwerks; 1929) was the first Silly Symphony animated short subject produced by Walt Disney. Title by boney Donald Benson.

The Unkindest Cut

For Sondheim, a hit operatic.
For Burton, success cinematic.
For artist whose wage
Was dollars per page,
A trash bin, or maybe the attic.

Donald B. Benson


A printers proof for The Unseen #15 (1954). Art by Mort Meskin and George Roussos.

Drum-Sticky

His zeal at the skins is insane

The appeal of her pins makes him strain
He sure works up a sweat
Cause the jerk is all wet
What he feels as he grins is quite plain. 

David Cairns

Elisha Cook Jr. excitedly beats his drums in Phantom Lady (Robert Siodmak; 1944).

Sex Cymbals

This drummer's propelling the beat
He's crummy, but Ella's all reet
She's hep to the jive
And adds pep to his drive
Is it summer? He swells from the heat.



Ella Raines spurs on Elisha Cook Jr's frenzied drum solo in Phantom Lady (Robert Siodmak; 1944). Title by sexy David Cairns.

Bobby Sox Drawer

When Herbie grabs mic, starts to sing
He burbles just like Crosby, Bing
At each meaningless tune
The teens scream and swoon
The nerve to waste Lake in this thing.

Out of This World (Hal Walker; 1945) is in part a satire on the Frank Sinatra 'bobby soxer' cult. The gimmick is that Eddie Bracken's character Herbie sounds exactly like Bing Crosby--because it is Bing Crosby doing the singing. Sadly, Veronica Lake plays second fiddle to Diana Lynn.

This week has been Out of This World!

Shock Hop

So this spider crawls out of a hole
And discovers it hates rock and roll
The kids aren’t attracted
To the grumpy arachnid
He can’t help it – he just prefers soul!

Paul Truster



A rock band practicing for a school dance awakens the title tarantula in Earth vs. the Spider (Bert I. Gordon; 1958).

Veg of Glory

Despite thews, guts and brawn he's a loser
When abused by this monstrous big bruiser
Popeye's beaten by cretin
Till a neat tin is eaten
To the music of John Philip Sooser.

David Cairns and Donald B. Benson

Popeye seeks a spinach boost in Blow Me Down (1933).

Frankensteinway

Colin Clive's dashed to bits in a crash
He's alive! But his mitts are now hash
With his fists gone astray
His poor wrists cannot play
This deprived Horowitz ain't a smash.

David Cairns

Colin Clive is Stephen Orlac, a concert pianist who undergoes a double hand transplant in Mad Love (Karl Freund; 1935).

Piano Manic

Both his wrists in a crash have been hewn
Playing Liszt now, he'll bash out a tune
Due to mental disease 
Almost denting the keys
What a twisted and passionate loon!

Colin Clive plays a concert pianist who undergoes a double hand transplant in Mad Love (Karl Freund; 1935).

Untenorable

A horribly snooty star singer
Puts poor blonde haired mute through the wringer
Rodolfo Lassparri
Is awfully sorry
When floored by a brutal bell-ringer.

In A Night at the Opera (Sam Wood; 1935), Tomasso (Harpo) knocks out his physically abusive boss, tenor Lassparri (Walter Woolf King). Title by off-coloratura Donald B. Benson.

Harpe Diem

On strings so divinely he'll float
No zingers, one-liners to quote
Though simple, no child
He's impish and wild!
The things you will find in his coat!

Harpo plucks the strings in Monkey Business (Norman McLeod; 1931).

Atsa Entertainment

His bit's hitting notes with a "gun"
His wit he devotes to the pun
With accent unreal
He attacks them with zeal
Faux Italy's quotable son.

Chico Marx, jauntily playing piano in Monkey Business (Norman Z. McLeod; 1931).

Barrel Tones

These tricksters sing songs in a barrel
The pickling's strong but it's sterile
Be on guard now they're out
For they're hardly devout
All you chicks move along -- you're in peril.

Harpo, Zeppo, Chico, and Groucho Marx in Monkey Business (Norman Z. McLeod; 1931). Title by barrel-chested Donald B. Benson. From Wikipedia: Early on in Monkey Business, the Brothers—playing stowaways concealed in barrels—harmonize unseen while performing the popular song "Sweet Adeline". It is a matter of debate whether Harpo joins in with the singing. (One of the ship's crew asserts to the captain that he knows there are four stowaways because he can hear them singing "Sweet Adeline".) If so, it would be one of only a few times Harpo used speech on screen, as opposed to other vocalizations such as whistling or sneezing.

Rhapsody in Booze

For the blues and the shakes he gets blotto
"All the booze that it takes" is his motto
The keyboard gets drunk
On tequila...ker-plunk!
The music they make is staccato.



Dan Duryea hits the skids in Black Angel (Roy William Neill, 1946). Title idea by rhapsodic Donald B. Benson.

Phantom of the Office Party

The opera ladies all bristle so
And answer his festive epistles, "No!"
"My organ," he'd write,
"Is polished and bright
And over it I've hung some mistletoe!"

  Donald B. Benson



Claude Rains and Susanna Foster in Phantom of the Opera (Arthur Lubin; 1943).

Finger Feud

When Orlac's poor hands are both crushed
Things look black, his piano is hushed
The ingenious cure
Of a scenery chewer
Drives him wacko, all manic and flushed.

David Cairns

In Mad Love (Karl Freund; 1935), Colin Clive plays Stephen Orlac, a concert pianist who undergoes a double hand-transplant.

The 39 Winks

Done shooting, no film they're exposing
But Hermann's not finished composing 
The score's incomplete,
He snores in his seat
Just wait until Hitch sees him dozing.

Image: Alfred Hitchcock and Bernard Herrmann clowning around.

Agony and Ivory

On piano it flailed, played a chord
In a panic, it's nailed to a board
Its premiere thus curtailed,
Its career was derailed
For the hand simply failed to record.

 

Peter Lorre nails The Beast With Five Fingers (Robert Florey; 1946). Title by David Cairns, who agonizes over his film blog, Shadowplay.

Disembodied Handel

While a bone, cut away, may protrude,
It is prone to a gay, upbeat mood
Though a feared curiosity
It shows weird virtuosity
On its own it can play an étude.

Surly Hack with David Cairns

Peter Lorre lends an ear to the hand in The Beast with Five Fingers ( Robert Florey; 1946).