Thursday, April 30, 2009

Cast Of Shadows

The outcome looks bleak, turning grim
The morals are murky and dim
Noir lurks in the dark
in lighting so stark
the chances of daylight are slim

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

For You I Die

It's not that I'm that kind of guy
but something says For You I Die
I'm sharp and too vital
to fall for that title
But somebody here has to fry

A not-quite-noir, For You I Die is an atmospheric
melodrama directed by John Reinhardt from 1947.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Jack Cardiff, R.I.P.

From mountain drop dizzying steep
to lipstick red ravishing deep
D.P.'s patron saint
with film stock would paint
bold colour to make the eyes weep

Jack Cardiff
, a master of Technicolor, was the director of
photography on A Matter Of Life and Death, Black Narcissus
(pictured) and The Red Shoes, as well as many other films.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Bleed Dating

When wielding a gore dripping axe
a feller just has to face facts
At dinner his dates
won't finish their plates
They find it too hard to relax.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Uncomfortably Crumb

Crumb's comic books lifted the lid
exposing his innermost id
These underground works
are full of his quirks
and fetishes formed as a kid

Take Weirdo, Joe Blow or the Snoid
Self-censorship Crumb has destroyed
In big bulbous shoes
he trampled taboos
It’s ‘Bigfoot’ imagined by Freud

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Lost and Sound

Guitarist straight out of Nantucket
did not use a pick--he'd just pluck it
But, ear to the ground
he picked up a sound
He'd found the lost chord and he struck it

Friday, April 24, 2009

Pigskin Charade

With her I'd like playing so much
Don't care if it's tackle or touch
I'd jack up the score
and I'd be so sore
My equipment would need its own crutch

Thursday, April 23, 2009

I, Miss Uniroyal

This dame's nearly eighteen feet tall!
They say her name's "Vanna White Wall"
Peoria's lass
is all fiberglass
Please mind where you stand, she might fall

To read about Peoria's "Vanna", go here

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Maxine Cooper, R.I.P.

As Velda, worked under Mike Hammer
providing the "Woo Bait" and glamour
Kiss Me Dead star
did not go too far
but just far enough to enamor

Maxine Cooper Gomberg, a Chicago-born actress best known
for playing the secretary in the 1955 film noir classic "Kiss Me
Deadly," has died. She was 84.

In "Deadly," private detective Mike Hammer specilaizes in
divorce cases. His secretary Velda lures men into compro-
mising postions for Hammer to photograph.

Ms. Gomberg was also a social activist, helping to organize
actors, writers and executives to march in the 1960s with
the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. in Montgomery, Ala. She
also marshaled the entertainment community to participate
in protests against the Vietnam War and nuclear weapons,
among other causes.


I'm happy and don't give a damn
As happy, perhaps, as a clam
A mollusk, if moody
would bollocks this foodie,
as apt to cram bivalves I am

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Red Velvet Mood Swing

It seems our Depression Week frown
did nothing but bring readers down
And so, we take heed
and turn, like Candide
to play Pagliacci-ish clown

Monday, April 20, 2009

Walter Brennan Embraces Islam

A Real McCoy talks with a limp
A fish by a buoy will stalk shrimp
The whirlish was derved
So butterflies swerved
With joy just to gawk at a blimp

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Paradise Tossed

It's his side of heaven, not hers
And man wants what woman avers
What shes find to taste
the hes think is waste
Though lesbians each side prefers

Surly Knott

Saturday, April 18, 2009


I’ve pushed myself up to the edge
My bets I can no longer hedge
The bungee, untied
it’s time to decide
just whether I’ll step from the ledge

Look out below! Limerwrecks' Not-so-great
Depression Week has hit the pavement.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Big Bang Weary

The universe ever expands
Our destiny’s out of our hands
There’s not much to do
‘cept take in the view
till snapping like stretched rubber bands

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Among Us a Fungus Humongous

As diplomats dither and bungle
we follow the law of the jungle
It’s war, claw and fang
till someday, a bang
emitting a cloud that is fungal

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Cash Poorboy

My fortunes have downwardly spun
I'm hungry but funds I have none

With bills and no fare

my cupboard is bare

I’ve nothing to eat but this gun

Norm Hack

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Broke Joke

I'm broke and in more ways than one
I'm busted and also undone
I guess I'm confessing
depression's depressing
and too much of nothing's no fun

Surly Knott

Monday, April 13, 2009


I’m locked in a dark prison cell
a dismal and bottomless well
Its skeleton key
they’ll bury with me
Life sentenced to self-imposed hell

Maybe it's my cheery Eastern European outlook,
maybe it's the state of the world. In either case,
Depression Days here at Limerwrecks.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Diet Right

When finding their cottage a sight
at first the three bears had a fright
But to their relief
it wasn’t a thief
and Goldilocks tasted just right

The illustration above is by Chicago artist
Scott Gustafson. Visit his website here

Saturday, April 11, 2009

A Weinie for Fellini

Three genies, nee Queenie, foretell,
"We see Ciccolini in hell
His ivory touch
can't buy very much
Just teeny bikinied Jacques Brel!"

Friday, April 10, 2009

The "I"s Have It

Whenever a push comes to shove
the answer to "Who do you Love?"
will aways be "me"
I come before thee
and me I hold no one above

Though really, it out to be "whom." We'll stop asking
the Big Questions now--we don't like the answers.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Darwin Or Lose

All life has evolved from a cell
Dividing, it split, then a swell
of species, then races
with differing faces
All brothers, but you couldn't tell

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Persona Non Nada

My person is bare, nothing’s left
Who am I if I am bereft?
In fact, who is "I"?
My self, say “goodbye”
A victim, identity theft

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Daze Dream

Are things that we see what they seem?
Or is all of life but a dream?
Is that which we feel
the truth, or unreal
Or am I just way off the beam?

Monday, April 6, 2009

Twiddle-Dee Deity

At top of the Big Question list
the biggest is, "Does God exist?"
Or, facing unknown
are we all alone?
By asking, did He just get pissed?

It's Big Questions week at Limerwrecks.

Sunday, April 5, 2009


Each night Alfred Hitchcock Presents
did murder with chilling suspense
"Good evening," he'd say
beginning each play,
then joke at the sponsor's expense

NBC is streaming "highlights"of episodes of the
Alfred Hitchcock Hour on their website, here

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Making a Splash

Though liquid, he isn't a drink
When tired he sleeps in the sink
Then drips down the drain
while leaving a stain...
Splash Brannigan's made out of ink

The above artwork, Splash Brannigan, Sidney Kaput and Daisy Screensaver are © and trademark ABC Comics 2009.
Splash Brannigan and his pals dampened the pages of the ABC comic Tomorrow Stories and were created by Alan Moore and Hilary Barta. Script: Peter Hogan  Art: Hilary Barta  Color: Michelle Madsen  Lettering: Todd Klein

Friday, April 3, 2009

Moe Better Booze

This must be a cousin of Moe's
His knuckles drag down on his toes
He drinks so much Duff
he swims in the stuff
and pukes on his colorful clothes

Illustration of comics artist Scott Beaderstadt
by Alex Ross. Colors by Mr. Beaderstadt.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Low Status Quo

A system of money and clout
is bound to have more than one lout

But all those in power

do not need to cower

The D.A. can’t root them all out

"There's so much corruption and
little time" says Northern Illinois
District Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Purple Maize

A farmer who hailed from Nantucket
would carry his corn in a bucket
He'd squeeze on his cob
until his hand throbbed
and then he would bend down and...shuck it

Yeah, it really is just about corn.

April fools!