A Wild Christmas in Wales

I'm all packed like a woolly Kris Kringle
In my sack silver bullets go jingle
Werewolf hunting in Wales
If blunt instrument fails
Then I'll whack 'em this Yule in the dingle.

David Cairns

 

The Wolf Man has no idea what we're going on about. Lon Chaney Jr in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man ( Roy William Neill; 1943).

On the Growl

Chaney Jr. excelled wearing fur
As a moon-chasing hellhound or cur
But by day he had charm
Wouldn't scare, scar or harm
Till his lunatic spell made him grrrr. 

David Cairns


Lon Chaney Jr. in The Wolf Man (George Waggner; 1941).

Promo-Seltzer

 

Such posters explain double-bills 

And boast of insane double-thrills
But it takes just one flick 

To make someone sick

Due mostly to braincells it kills. 

I Was a Teenage Werewolf (Gene Fowler Jr; 1957); Dragstrip Girl (Edward L. Cahn; 1957).

The Wolf Man at the Door

Beware of the pest at the door    
This terror you'd best not ignore
His canines and claws
Cause pain and give pause
Blood rare he'll digest all your gore.

In Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (Charles Barton; 1948), Lou Costello also meets the Wolf Man (Lon Chaney, Jr). It's Werewolf Wednesday.

Hirsute Yourself

Fur-festooned by a taxing complaint
This poor loon's sprouting yak's-hair, how quaint!
It's a monthly affliction
He grunts and starts itchin;'
When the moon's fully waxed, Chaney ain't.

David Cairns

Jack Pierce created the Wolf Man makeup for Lon Chaney Jr. Welcome to Werewolf Wednesday.

Breaking the Chaney

Lon's dismayed, he's a lunar-made thing
He's afraid what the future may bring
Mogul a-holes pinch pennies,
No more "A" roles, no Lennys…
A cascade of good hooch dulls the sting.

Larry Talbot and Lon Chaney contemplate their future in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (Roy William Neill; 1943).

Roles Out the Barrel

As Talbot, was Lon often stinking?
Did he brawl as the Monster while drinking?
Was his dipso addiction
An Egyptian affliction?
Or did Alucard spawn glasses clinking?

David Cairns

What monster didn't Lon Chaney Jr. play? The above refers to Chaney in the following roles for Universal in the 1940s: Lawrence Talbot, aka the Wolf Man, Frankenstein's Monster, the Mummy, and Count Alucard, aka the son of Dracula. Says David, "Trying to cram in all of Lon's great horror roles. I think I broke my shoehorn."

From Dusk to Drawn

 

Beware when were-ghouls start to prowl
Their character's dual--their breath foul
These furry cartoons
Live during full moons
And werewolves will drool--get a towel!



The Wolf Man (and Dracula) in the animated opening credits to Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (Charles Barton; 1948). Title by dusky Donald B. Benson.

Undead Cred

They're moldy, these three, they're old hat
The cold one roams free as a bat
These spawn out of hell
Were drawn on a cel
That's old school 2-D, which is flat.

Dracula -- Bela Lugosi: From the animated title credits sequence in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (Charles Barton; 1948).

When the Growing Gets Tufts

Lugosi's a Roma with bite
Who knows where he roams late at night?
This gypsy's a curse
He'll nip you or worse
Fur grows plastic combs can't make right.

Larry Talbot (Lon Chaney) is bitten by Béla (Lugosi), the Gypsy werewolf in The Wolf Man (1941). Title and assist by David Cairns, a growing boy.

Employ All Monsters

Here's a silly and raggedy romp
Drac will kill, monsters stagger and stomp
It's a House overrun
But why grouse? It's great fun!
Till the villain is dragged down a swamp.

House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton; 1944), a monster crossover starring Boris Karloff, Lon Chaney Jr., and John Carradine. Thanks to David Cairns for the assist.

Meets Don't Fail Me Now

The Wolf Man sashays 'cross the map
The Monster is dazed, looks like crap
There's Frankenstein's daughter
And tanks full of water
Maleva drops phrase "That's a wrap!" 

The Monster (Bela Lugosi) looms like an armoire as Lawrence Talbot (Lon Chaney Jr) seeks the counsel of Maleva the Gypsy Woman (Maria Ouspenskaya) in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (1943).

Alone Again, Unnaturally

The monster and beast reunite.
But this time they don't get to fight.
And ere they come on,
Count Dracula's gone
(He only dropped in for a bite).



The hunchback got most of our pity.
He did things both gory and gritty
In hopes he could dump
His hunch for a hump
With gypsy girl perky and pretty.

Donald B. Benson

House of Frankenstein (1944) starred Bela Lugosi, Boris Karloff and Lon Chaney, Jr., with J. Carrol Naish as Daniel the hunchback, and Elena Verdugo as the gypsy Ilonka.

Double Creature

We were there when the prior films said
Both the werewolf and giant were dead.
But, ka-CHING! monsters mash
And they bring monstrous cash
So the pair's unretired, instead.



Poor Talbot would shake off the ill
That caused him to howl and to kill.
The Monster sought sight
But there was a fight
And finally, both had to chill.

Donald B. Benson

Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (1943). Above: Dr. Mannering (Patric Knowles) begins by trying to help werewolf Larry Talbot (Lon Chaney, Jr.), but succumbs to the urge to revive Frankenstein's Monster (Bela Lugosi).

Wringing the Bela

Half-shot, you've been losing plum roles.
Your lot? Playing peasants and proles.
No crown for the Count,
Now down for the count.
Ask not for whom, Bela, it tolls.

Donald B. Benson

In The Wolf Man (George Waggner; 1941), Lon Chaney Jr plays the title monster; In a supporting role, Bela Lugosi plays Bela the gypsy.

Wornwolf

This werewolf is soggy and stinking
Not scary, just groggy and blinking
There's a reason he's bleary
And queasy, not eerie
It's the hair of the dog he's been drinking.

David Cairns

Lon Chaney Jr. as tormented Larry Talbot, The Wolf Man (George Waggner, 1941).

Ghoultide

It's Christmas and Larry's in peril
No mistletoe merry, nor carol
Not immune to the pull
Of the moon when it's full,
His business turns hairy and feral.

Lon Chaney Jr. as Larry Talbot, the Wolf Man, in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (Roy William Neill; 1943). Happy holidays to all from the merry madmen at LimerWrecks!

Ankers Away

Ankers' pictures, with loonies, all teem
Men afflicted by moonlight's full beam
Oh-so-scary amours
Who grow hairy on moors
And predictably soon there's a scream.

British actress and 'scream queen' Evelyn Ankers faints in the arms of The Wolf Man (1941), lounges in a promo pic below for The Mad Ghoul (1943), and points to a list of some of her other films at Universal, accompanied by director James P. Hogan and the Mad Ghoul himself, David Bruce. Here's a previous rhyme about Ankers.

Pest in Peace

Alas and alack, here lies Larry
His ass dressed in black they'll soon bury
But as tears fall like rain,
He'll spread fear once again
Poor bastard comes back, mad and hairy.

We're closing the door on HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN, though Universal left it open. Image: Maria Ouspenskaya, Claude Rains, and Lon Chaney Jr. in The Wolf Man (1941). Title by peacenik David Cairns.

Hair Lies...

Life has ceased for this loony, first class
No more beast to impugn and harass
His path saddled with thorns
His poor daddio mourns
He'll at least have a funeral mass.

Larry Talbot meets his predestined end in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Maria Ouspenskaya and Claude Rains look down on a lupine and supine Lon Chaney Jr in The Wolf Man (1941).