Friday, August 31, 2018
Two henchman, both skeevy and dumb
Each ventures out eves with his chum
As crimes they commit,
These slime-balls emit
A stench to choke even a bum.
Doctor Pretorius (Ernest Thesiger) and his odious assistants Ludwig and Karl (Ted Billings and Dwight Frye), up to no good in Bride of Frankenstein (James Whale; 1935). Title by well-turned Donald B. Benson.
Thursday, August 30, 2018
Poor Kharis is looking like death
Or a nightmare of someone on meth
But it’s not for such harms
She lies limp in his arms—
It isn’t his looks, it’s his breath!
Lon Chaney Jr. carries Elyse Knox into The Mummy's Tomb (1942).
Wednesday, August 29, 2018
You can see she's a tough one, that dame--
For her bed and her board are the same!
The mummy is stricken
He feels his heart quicken
O there’s naught like a really old flame!
John Carradine, Lon Chaney Jr., and Ramsay Ames as the rapidly aging Ananka, in The Mummy's Ghost (Reginald Le Borg; 1944). Title by David Cairns, limerick-tangler.
Tuesday, August 28, 2018
If you toot and come in, you'll be greeted
By the brute who's within, winding-sheeted
In his fetid embrace
You will get face-to-face
As this coot hugs your skin till it's pleated.
Lon Chaney Jr. and Elyse Knox pose for a production still for The Mummy's Tomb (Harold Young; 1942). Have you heard the old joke?
How do you work an Egyptian doorbell?
Tutankhamen (Toot and Come In)
Monday, August 27, 2018
What a mess! He's all mangy and musty
Plus distressingly strange, gray and dusty
Is it wormy or chapped?
Those dressings need changing, they're crusty.
David Cairns and Surly Hack
The Mummy's Ghost (Reginald Le Borg; 1944) stars Lon Chaney Jr. Title by Donald B. Benson, crinkled.
Friday, August 24, 2018
This bounder, this quack, necrophilic
Digging ground, hires a jackass, a pillock
This torch-wielding servant
Likes to scorch, gets quite fervent
With a mound on his back like a hillock.
Henry Frankenstein (Colin Clive) and hunchback Fritz (Dwight Frye) get to work in Frankenstein (James Whale; 1931). Limerick lexicon: Pillock: a stupid person.
Thursday, August 23, 2018
When Bey brews the tanna -- hoo-whee! --
The mummy’s compelled to come see
Though he just wants to rest
With the damned and the blest
He does love a good cup of tea!
The Mummy's Ghost (Reginald Le Borg): Lon Chaney Jr. as The Mummy, and
John Carradine as Yousef Bey. Please help me welcome aboard the latest addition to our skeletal crew, Paul Truster. Title by spray-tanned David Cairns.
Wednesday, August 22, 2018
He's half lame, his breath's awful, gaze chilling
You're fair game 'cause a coffin needs filling
For his match he'll maraud
'Til he catches a broad
The poor dame is most often unwilling.
Lon Chaney Jr and Turhan Bey in The Mummy's Tomb (Harold Young; 1942). Title by spring-loaded David Cairns.
Tuesday, August 21, 2018
His gait rather slow, his rags musty,
At dating he's woefully rusty.
Disheveled, not gabby,
He's ever so grabby
The mates that he goes for are busty.
The Mummy's Ghost (1944) stars Lon Chaney, Jr. as Kharis, The Mummy, John Carradine as Yousef Bey, and Ramsay Ames as Amina Mansori/Princess Ananka. Title by celery stalker Donald B. Benson.
Monday, August 20, 2018
Though Kharis's tomb provokes wonder,
Beware certain doom if you plunder
When gods you offend
The odds are you'll end
In a burial room six feet under.
Cecil Kellaway, Charles Trowbridge, Wallace Ford, Dick Foran and Tom Tyler in The Mummy's Hand (Christy Cabanne; 1940). Title by pillage idiot James Finn Garner.
Friday, August 17, 2018
Frye gets murdered by Karloff two times
Fates incurred, on a par with his crimes
He is hung up, poor goof
And then slung off a roof
So for thirds, what bizarre method rhymes?
Boris Karloff's Monster kills both Fritz and Karl, Dwight Frye's toadies in Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein. Image: Edward Van Sloan, Karloff, Frye, and Colin Clive in Frankenstein (James Whale; 1931).
Thursday, August 16, 2018
With no dearie to gaze at and shag
Kharis wearies, decays, and goes stag
From the crypt of the Bs
Comes the scripts made of cheese
And the series' clichés start to drag.
Lon Chaney staggers out of The Mummy's Tomb (Harold Young; 1942).
Wednesday, August 15, 2018
This Mummy's a snooze, in slow-motion
He comes when one brews him a potion
All wrinkly and dried
You'd think he had died
His bum sure could use a good lotion.
Yousef Bey (John Carradine) summons the Mummy (Lon Chaney) with tana leaves in The Mummy's Ghost (Reginald Le Borg; 1944). Title by half-awake Donald B. Benson.
Tuesday, August 14, 2018
This rickety wreck should be dead
Inflicting all heck here instead
With one working arm
Has fun doing harm
Constricting the neck 'neath your head.
The Mummy (Lon Chaney Jr.) squeezes Cajun Joe (Kurt Katch) in The Mummy's Curse (Leslie Goodwins; 1944). Title by the same old Donald B. Benson.
Monday, August 13, 2018
He's ablaze! All his wraps have been lighted!
It's amazing, the chap's just ignited!
How he brightens the room
With his frightening doom!
He'll be razed! Are we happy? Delighted!
Dr. John Banning (John Hubbard) and Kharis the Mummy (Lon Chaney Jr.) do the Frankenstein Monster torch bit in The Mummy's Tomb (Harold Young; 1942).
Friday, August 10, 2018
He's surly, deformed and most sour
A churl who's enormously dour
His offensiveness ceases
When this dense piece of feces
Get's hurled, in a storm, from a tower.
In Bride of Frankenstein (James Whale; 1935), thuggish henchman Karl (Dwight Frye) kidnaps Elizabeth Frankenstein (Valerie Hobson), and eventually meets a savage and abrupt end.
Thursday, August 9, 2018
In your room something dares to intrude
There it looms, doesn't care that it's rude
Standing square in your door
Primed and raring to score,
Raise a tomb-loving, scare-happy brood.
Virginia Christine gets a surprise visit from Lon Chaney Jr in The Mummy's Curse (Leslie Goodwins; 1944). With Ann Codee,
Wednesday, August 8, 2018
See Lon Chaney in dressings all tangled
He looks drained, carcass messed up and mangled
He's lost pep, is subpar...
He should schlep to E.R.
But complain, you're aggressively strangled.
Mummy Chaney throttles watchman Oscar O'Shea in The Mummy's Ghost (Reginald Le Borg; 1944).
Tuesday, August 7, 2018
In races he'll grimace and lag
Disgraced by a limb he must drag
Finds his princess at last
But he winces, aghast
At the face of a withered old hag.
Denied the restorative powers of the brew from tana leaves, the reincarnated Princess Ananka starts to age rapidly. The Mummy's Ghost (Reginald Le Borg; 1944) Lon Chaney, Jr. as the mummy Kharis, Ramsay Ames as Ananka.
Monday, August 6, 2018
In makeup (old vagrant, greasepainty)
He'll bake (sad to say, can't be dainty)
His high perspiration
Brings dry observation:
"Land's sake, that guy's fragrant!" (Well, ain't he?)
Donald B. Benson
Lon Chaney, Jr. and Turhan Bey in The Mummy's Tomb (Harold Young; 1942).
Friday, August 3, 2018
A spare part in a jar goes "tick-tock"
Some poor tart in the dark had a shock
The deceased left no clues
"A police case" ain't news
"Have a heart," remarks Karl to the doc.
Dwight Frye as Karl, with Colin Clive and Ernest Thesiger, the mad doctors in Bride of Frankenstein (James Whale; 1935).
Thursday, August 2, 2018
This getup's a terrible fuss
I'm better off wearing a truss.
Should bitch at Jack Pierce--
I itch something fierce,
And sweat where I daren't discuss.
Top: Virginia Christine nurses Lon Chaney on the set of The Mummy's Curse (1944). Above: Chaney holds his nose as make-up man Jack Pierce applies the finishing touches for The Mummy’s Ghost (1944). Title by malcontent Donald B. Benson.
Wednesday, August 1, 2018
Lon sweats under lamps and a spot
On sets he gets cramps when he's hot
His will starts to melt...
Would kill for a belt!
He bets he's so damp he could rot.
Is this Lon Chaney, cooling his head on the set in 1944? Title by Donald B. Benson, not wet behind the ears.