Friday, June 11, 2021

Kiss Me, You Ghoul



Your story was just getting started
Exploring a lust yet uncharted
Though she's bones now, deceased
Your jonesing's increased
Amor with the musty departed.


Art by Bernard Bailey; Weird Mysteries #12 (September 1954)

Thursday, June 10, 2021

Love and Breath



You're spunky, well-coiffed, far too young
He's funky, like coffin-grade dung
That taste in your mouth
Like waste that's gone south...
From chunks that fall off of his tongue.


Art by Lee Elias; Chamber of Chills #23 (1954).

Wednesday, June 9, 2021

GRAVE-FILLING TALES OF SUSPENSE!



A figure, all ghostly and dried
Is digging a hole...but who died?
It's terrible news:
They're wearing your shoes
The jig's up, now go--get inside!


Suspense #19 (1952); art by Russ Heath. Okay, what's with the bucket of water?

Tuesday, June 8, 2021

Drop Dead, Gorgeous


She's killing that dress in the tomb
You're willing? Say "yes!" You're Death's groom
This lady in red 
Has made you a bed  
Her chilling caress is your doom.


Cover by Russ Heath for Adventures into Terror #16, February, 1953.

Monday, June 7, 2021

Met Fans



Some finks meet their partners in bars
Some think that it's all in the stars 
That when planets allign
Romance goes online
Let's drink to those well met on Mars.


Art by Steve Ditko; Strange Tales #84 (May 1961).

Monday, April 26, 2021

The Deranged Love of Martha Ivers



This sister is rotten, a nut 
In a twisted noir plot she's been shut
Her love is tremendous
Above all, horrendous
She'll be kissed and then shot in the gut.


Kirk Douglas and Barbara Stanwyck in The Strange Love of Martha Ivers (1946).

Friday, April 23, 2021

Martha, Martha, Martha



She's nasty, she schemes and obsesses
And ghastly are dreams she confesses
Awaiting her fate
She's fatal to date
Her past is a scream she supresses.

Kirk Douglas,Van Heflin, and Barbara Stanwyck in The Strange Love of Martha Ivers (1946).

Sunday, April 4, 2021

Zombie Flesh Easter

 


It's Easter, give praise, do not mourn
Your deceased savior's raised and reborn
But these dead, now alive
Open heads to survive
And will feast on your brains Sunday morn.

Pasty-faced extras lurch through Night of the Living Dead (1968). Our title is by David Cairns, and is a nod to Zombies 2, aka Zombie Flesh Eaters (1979). We're going to hell in an Easter basket for resurrecting this blasphemous limerick each year.

Monday, March 29, 2021

Skull and Void

Steer clear of this beauty, high class 
Who appears in this view through the glass
Her skeleton groom
Must spell certain loom
So cheers to her funeral mass!


1953 cover by artist Lee Elias.

Monday, February 22, 2021

Overthrowing a Switch



Some fellow has taken my place
A felon -- a fake -- with my face
Steals my pup and my life
Plus he's schtupping my wife
Invading my personal space!


Barry Nelson returns home one day to find his doppelganger has replaced him in The Man with My Face (Edward Montagne; 1951).

Tuesday, February 2, 2021

David's a Goliath



Filmmaker, screenwriter, teacher, critic, and LimerWrecks contributor David Cairns is a busy fellow. He's just finished a novel, We Used Dark Forces: A Whitsuntide Science Adventure, which you can purchase or read about here. David's mad scientist character Whisuntide is featured in his short film The Northleach Horror, free to watch here. I'm a big fan of David's deadpan comedy short, Cry For Bobo -- which you can watch here. David also co-directed and wrote the screenplay for the feature documentary, Natan. And don't forget to visit David's lively and informative blog Shadowplay. Like I said, a busy fellow.

Wednesday, January 27, 2021

Bjorn Yesterday


LimerWrecks
contributor Donald B. Benson is a retired staff writer for the San Jose Mercury News. He takes pictures of discarded furniture and other curious items, and writes limericks. He's also published his first novel, Her Temporary Prince, which you can read about and/or purchase here.

"...a lively farce of crossed wires and competing schemes. What happens afterwards is still farcical ... but fraught with action, cliffhangers, spectacle, love, tears, and Ballyhoo -- the fads, follies and celebrity worship that made the twenties roar.

If you loved "The Prisoner of Zenda", you'll enjoy this affectionate but freewheeling return to Ruritania. It comes complete with passion, daring-do, and even a helping hand from an old Englishman named Rassendyll.

PS: "Her Temporary Prince" contains a little over 223,000 words, so in addition to rich, fleshed-out narrative you're getting Value for Money. And you can be reasonably sure you won't run out of book if you're reading during an airport layover (when you don't want to waste the bestseller you're taking on vacation), or in a DMV line, or over several days of commuting.
"

Tuesday, January 26, 2021

Turn the Screwy

 
Screwy Tuesday is a weekly online wacky humor event. Just search for the hashtag #screwytuesday, and please join us. All cartoonists are welcome!

Wednesday, January 20, 2021

Goodbye, Ghoul World



It's the end of a term of insanity
Time to mend, reaffirm our humanity
But Ted Cruz remains toxic
There's still Newsmax and Fox-ick
With "and Friends" and such worms as Sean Hannity.

President Evil and spouse are forced by the constitution to leave Washington.

Monday, January 18, 2021

Just Say Nowlan



Kevin Nowlan! Kevin Nowlan!
With talent Kevin's hands are swollen!
His style so sweet
It can't be beat!
Instead his stuff is often stolen!


Line-art of Jack B. Quick by Kevin Nowlan for a cover to DRAW! magazine. Not exactly a limerick, but an ode to one of the modern masters of comic book art.

Saturday, January 16, 2021

Smells Like Quarantine Spirit



Because bleach won't postpone COVID doom
We must each sit alone in our room
No, we don't hide from fear
But it won't "disappear"
You can reach us by phone or on Zoom.

Friday, January 15, 2021

Teenage Raceland



Her mom and her pop can't be squarer 
The prom? A darn sock hop? Please spare her!
But let her drive fast
And she gets quite a blast
Atomic jalopies spread terror!


Lobby cards for Hot-Rod Girl (Leslie H. Martinson; 1956) promised Teen-age Terrorists burning up the streets!

Thursday, January 14, 2021

Rock Around the Block



The heart rates in hot-rods will quicken
As car crazy knot-heads play "chicken"
Though racing high-speed
Is bracing indeed
Sub-par soup and plots never thicken.

UK poster for Hot-Rod Girl (Leslie H. Martinson; 1956).

Wednesday, January 13, 2021

Another Fine Message



It has a Deep Thought for its day
That Nuke-U-Ler War’s not okay;
But for all of its' strivin’
The kids at the drive-in
Aren’t watching the screen anyway.

Paul Truster


Teenage Caveman (Roger Corman; 1958) stars Robert Vaughn and Darah Marshall.

Tuesday, January 12, 2021

On Golden Blonde



This hottie's a bitch but a blast
Her motto's "get rich and live fast"
You better have nerves
To handle her curves
She'll rot in a ditch, but die last.

Bad Blonde aka The Flanagan Boy (Reginald Le Borg; 1953) was made by Hammer Films. Wishing a happy birthday to longtime LimerWrecks reader Tim Roznowski.

Monday, January 11, 2021

Girls Gone Mild



Though you'd think from their dresses they're bad,
The delinquents in question are sad
They're deflated, they're bruised
And by matrons abused
And this shrink -- more or less -- becomes "dad."



So Young, So Bad (Bernard Vorhaus; 1950) stars Paul Henreid as the sympathetic psychiatrist, with early roles for Anne Francis and Rita Moreno. This low-budget independent production is an expose of abuses at a girls reformatory, conceived and directed by just blacklisted director Vorhaus. Sort of a juvenile version of Caged (1950).

Friday, January 8, 2021

Crew Loose



"Hit the bricks!" says this daring girl gang
As the chicks in it bare claw and fang
They lie, cheat and steal
And die if they squeal
This flick is B fare with a bang.

Girls on the Loose (Paul Henreid; 1958)

Thursday, January 7, 2021

Moore or Less



At drive-ins the kids were excited
Alive with libidos ignited
But ads they believed
Film cads had conceived
Not a thigh, flank or middle was sighted.

David Cairns

Okay, there were a few thighs on view in Over-Exposed (Lewis Seiler; 1956).

Wednesday, January 6, 2021

Hot Carcass



The wheels in this racket are hot
But appeal of this hack-job ain't plot
Just glance at the scheming
Joi Lansing, hi-beaming 
This dealer's chick's stacked on the lot.

Joi Lansing works for a crooked used car dealer in Hot Cars (Don McDougall; 1956). It's obvious they're not selling cars here.

Tuesday, January 5, 2021

A Poor Show of Hands



This horror's a permanent lull
A snore-fest -- the term here is "dull"
There's hate and there's killing
But mate, it ain't thrilling
From boredom you'll squirm, scratch your skull.



Paul Lukather, James Stapleton, Joan Harvey, and Michael Rye in the earnest-but-awful talkathon Hands of a Stranger (Newt Arnold; 1962). Hard to believe that this inept junk is based on the same story as is the brilliant Mad Love (1935).

Monday, January 4, 2021

Infernal Youth

 

That males run amok only teaches 
Young gals they're the pluck-worthy peaches
For when girls start aging
The men stop engaging
Old frail chicks must suck just like leeches.

At least that's the message of The Leech Woman (Edward Dein; 1960)