Lightning Round

Avoid round-the-bend, driven dames
Ask Freud why they tend to play games
They're muddled, all nerves
Make sudden, sharp swerves
Destroyed, they'll descend, burst in flames.


Darryl Hickman and Mercedes McCambridge in Lightning Strikes Twice (King Vidor; 1951).

Bentriloquism

To the nightclub they come and they gawk
'Cause this sprite of a dummy can talk
And tell terrible jokes
But he'd scare all the foks
If the nightmare Tom Thumb took a walk.

Tales of the Mysterious Traveler #9, art by Charles Nicholas and Vince Alascia.

The Morris, the Merrier

Cops hunt the once criminal Blackie,
And Runt, his diminutive lackey
With charades and disguises,
Blackie trades in surprises
Pulls stunts that are winning and wacky.



Chester Morris played Boston Blackie in a series of 14 films for Columbia. George E. Stone played his sidekick, the Runt in all but the first and last of the entries. Richard Lane was the long-suffering Inspector Farraday. Kent Taylor later played Blackie on TV. Title by terrier Donald Benson.

Two Creepy People

Drunk Duryea or bored Peter Lorre,
the cur who thinks gore's hunky-dory?
Whodunnit? We're sharing
that one's a red herring
Quite sure that there's more to the story.

Shady nightclub owner Peter Lorre hires composer and pianist Dan Duryea in the noir murder mystery Black Angel (Roy William Neill; 1946). Title by Donald B. Benson, a creepy people person.

Carnival Crews

Is the killer a primate hirsute?
A thrill-crazy, violent brute?
Or the eye candy tease
On the flying trapeze?
Or some villainous guy in a suit?



The 3-D horror mystery Gorilla at Large (Harmon Jones; 1954) has a cast that includes Cameron Mitchell, Anne Bancroft, Lee J. Cobb, Raymond Burr and Lee Marvin. George Barrows plays the gorilla. Happy Halloween from the hairless apes at LimerWrecks!

Laverne and Burly

With yearning the guys stop and gape
Laverne is in eye-popping shape
Though she might be a floozy
She's uptight and plays choosy
When spurning Goliath the ape.



Anne Bancroft plays Trapeze artist Laverne Miller in Gorilla at Large (Harmon Jones; 1954), a 3-D horror mystery. George Barrows is the gorilla "Goliath".

Phil 'er Up

On the trail of the Brasher Doubloon

You're assailed by all manner of goon
Who dared to purloin

That rare golden coin?
Is that frail who looks smashing a loon?

You clutch her, get up in her grill
But your touching her just makes her ill
She plays it too cute
Plus she's crazy to boot
So much so, I'd update your will.

Rarely shown, The Brasher Doubloon is screening tonight at the Portage Theater in Chicago.
George Montgomery makes a hunky Philip Marlowe, with Nancy Guild in The Brasher Doubloon (John Brahm, 1947). Fred MacMurray, Victor Mature and Dana Andrews had all been considered for Marlowe in this adaptation of Raymond Chandler's The High Window (In fact, it's a remake of an earlier adaptation, Time to Kill). It's a shame Andrews didn't get the part. You'll find our earlier rhyme on the film, here.

Never fear, fright fans, our Vincentennial will resume on Saturday.

Dial "M" for Limericks

Spoiler alert! The limericks that follow heedlessly give away much of the film's plot, and murder its big moment of suspense.




His wife, who is very well-heeled
he finds has been playing the field
He hires a bloke
to give her a choke
and keep his involvement concealed



She reaches for something to grab
Finds scissors and gives him a stab
I think I should mention
that in 3 dimension
Grace Kelly in nightie looks fab


Ray Milland and Anthony Dawson plan to do in gorgeous Grace Kelly in Dial "M" for Murder (Alfred Hitchcock, 1954), originally released in 3D. Images purloined from dvd.beaver.com and filmfanatic.org

Sans Simian

They're hunting a big hairy ape
that recently made its escape
And speaking of large
Ray Burr is in charge
as a guy with a similar shape


Gorilla at Large ( Harmon Jones, 1954) is a color horror/murder mystery set in an amusement park, originally released in 3-D near the end of the early fifties 3-D cycle. Above: Lee J. Cobb, Raymond Burr and Ann Bancroft. To that already impressive cast add star Cameron Mitchell and Lee Marvin in a supporting part. Top (Starlet Showcase): Charlotte Austin, Peter Whitney and George Matthews as "Goliath", the gorilla. Matthews had previously donned a gorilla suit in another depthie, Robot Monster.

Double for Nothing

Twin sisters will give you the blues
Or drive you to drown in the booze
Date boyfriends in pairs
Play musical chairs
'Til one takes a permanent snooze.



The former Nancy Drew grows up. Bonita Granville plays twins in The Guilty (John Reinhardt; 1947), a low-budget B based on a novelette by Cornell Woolrich. Here are links to two reviews of this noir murder mystery. The first is at Noir of the Week, the other a less than favorable comparison of film to story at Mystery File. 

Killsville

The choices he's given are poor
It's kill or be killed--either/or
But down in the jungle
infections get fungal
so careful when spilling the gore


Lawrence Tierney hides out from a murder charge in a Brazilian jungle in Kill or Be Killed (Max Nosseck,1950) . As for Lawrence Tierney Week, that kills it.

The D.A.'s DTs

A loser as district attorney
his life was a long downward journey
So Burger would drink
and further he'd sink
until he stopped dead on a gurney

Photo: Actors William Talman and Raymond Burr as D.A. Hamilton Burger and lawyer Perry Mason. "Ham-Burger" is what Mason made of the D.A.'s case each week.

The Case of the Laughable Losers

The game plan of Burger and Tragg
each week hit a Mason-made snag
They'd think they were winning
until the ninth inning
and then were left holding the bag

Photo: Actors William Talman, Ray Collins and Raymond Burr as D.A. Hamilton Burger, Lieutenant Arthur Tragg and Perry Mason. Source: The (Slightly Paul-Centric) Perry Mason Photos.

Perry Masonry

His record for winning was vaunted
but Mason, by failure, was haunted
For losing one case
he lived in disgrace
and by Hamilton Burger was taunted

Info on the case(s) that Perry Mason famously "lost" to D.A. Hamilton Burger can be found here, and our earlier limerick on Hamilton Burger is here.

Murder Most Fowl

The murder took place by the pool
where climate was kept very cool
The murderer's credo:
To kill in tuxedo
But Hildegarde took him to school



Penguin Pool Murder (George Archainbaud, 1932)
starred Edna Mae Oliver as Hildegarde Withers, an
elderly schoolteacher turned sleuth who solves crimes
to the constant annoyance of Police Inspector Oscar
Piper, played by character actor James Gleason.

Hinge Benefit

A secret's like locking a door
to a suite of forbidden decor
Through its keyholes we peek,
for what's hidden we seek
Intrigued, we've a need to explore

Surly Hack


You step through completely alone
A portal into the unknown
How will you survive
or get out alive
forgetting to bring your cell phone?!

Norm Knott

Secret Beyond the Door (Fritz Lang, 1948)

Verti-gogo

You're dizzy, your head starts to spin
You're stuck, your resistance is thin
You stare into eyes
that soon hypnotize
A vortex is sucking you in

The Frozen Ghost, an Inner Sanctum Mystery (Harold Young, 1945)

Green Eggs and Hamilton

No matter the tactic he’d choose
poor Hamilton Burger would lose
A legal disgrace
How did he save face?
I think Charlie Brown was his muse

Photo: Actor William Talman as D.A. Hamilton Burger on TV's Perry Mason.