The Case of the Burr-ly Barrister

A victim of murder they'll bury
In court with the DA he'll parry
He'll mount the defense
But don't count on suspense
The plots in this show seldom vary.

  

Raymond Burr starred in and as Perry Mason from 1957 to 1966.

Gorilla-Crush

A tropic malaise strikes R. Burr
Lycanthropic? It's raising some fur!
He's a brute straight from Hell
Monkey suit, XXL
In this flop pic his best line is "Grrr!"

David Cairns



Married to Barbara Payton, most men would go ape--even Raymond Burr turns simian in Bride of the Gorilla (1951).

Craw and Order

For Hamilton Burger and Tragg
the streak they were on was a drag
When losing each case
they tasted disgrace
On crow they were starting to gag


William Talman and Ray Collins as D.A. Hamiltton Burger and police Lt. Arthur Tragg, in TV's Perry Mason.

Ham Burger on Wry

Each loss to his nemesis Mason
the D.A.'s destruction did hasten
By legal hail Mary
each case versus Perry
was flushed in the circular basin

William Talman as that perennial loser, District Attorney Hamilton Burger, on TV's Perry Mason.

Take My Life...Please

Please honor my final request
I'm more than a little depressed
At living I tire
I'd like to expire
I trust I'm not being a pest



It's not Mr. One-Liner Henny Youngman, but lawyer Raymond Burr who defends Angela Lansbury in Please Murder Me (Peter Godfrey, 1956). You'll find our previous limerick on the same film, here.

Depressed Request

I tell you I'm tired of living
So me with the murder start giving
You heard what I said
now fill me with lead
My fluids the bullet holes sieving


Please Murder Me! (Peter Godfrey, 1956). Images pilfered from Noir of the Week.

The D.A.'s DTs

A loser as district attorney
his life was a long downward journey
So Burger would drink
and further he'd sink
until he stopped dead on a gurney

Photo: Actors William Talman and Raymond Burr as D.A. Hamilton Burger and lawyer Perry Mason. "Ham-Burger" is what Mason made of the D.A.'s case each week.

The Case of the Laughable Losers

The game plan of Burger and Tragg
each week hit a Mason-made snag
They'd think they were winning
until the ninth inning
and then were left holding the bag

Photo: Actors William Talman, Ray Collins and Raymond Burr as D.A. Hamilton Burger, Lieutenant Arthur Tragg and Perry Mason. Source: The (Slightly Paul-Centric) Perry Mason Photos.

Perry Masonry

His record for winning was vaunted
but Mason, by failure, was haunted
For losing one case
he lived in disgrace
and by Hamilton Burger was taunted

Info on the case(s) that Perry Mason famously "lost" to D.A. Hamilton Burger can be found here, and our earlier limerick on Hamilton Burger is here.

The Price is Righteous

Seems his kind of woman was she
and her kind of he-man was he
Their repartee snappy
the two were quite happy
till ham Vincent Price made it three


As gloriously hammy actor Mark Cardigan, Vincent
Price steals the show from Robert Mitchum, Jane Russell
and Raymond Burr in His Kind of Woman (John Farrow
[and Richard Fleischer, uncredited], 1952).

Raymond, Burly

As sleaze-ball or sadist or cur
no baddie was better than Burr
This heaviest heavy
was built like a Chevy
A monster who's engine would purr

Well before stardom as Perry Mason, Raymond Burr
had portrayed an array of distinctive and memorable
villains, culminating in Rear Window. In noirs such as
Desperate, Raw Deal, Pitfall, Blue Gardenia and
His Kind of Woman, Burr was brilliantly sleazy.

It's Big and Tall week at Limerwrecks.

Black and Blue Gardenia

She walks the night streets all alone
Feels guilty, thinks she must atone
A playboy is dead
and she's filled with dread
the fate that awaits her unknown


Fritz Lang's Blue Gardenia ('53) stars Ann Baxter, Richard Conte, Raymond Burr and Nat Cole, who sings the title song.

Fear Window

A fellow was taken aback--

he'd found himself under attack

He'd spied on the lives

of husbands and wives

till one of his neighbors looked back

Raymond Burr returns the gaze of Jimmy Stewart in Alfred Hitchcock's masterpiece, Rear Window.

Raw Deal Breaker

Escaping from stir, on the run
a guy's got two gals and a gun
His sick pyro boss
pulled slick double-cross
and still isn't done having fun

The guy on the lam is no punk
In fact he's a good-looking hunk
He's Dennis O'Keefe
and he's got a beef:
To get Raymond Burr, the fat skunk!

See, Burr has a thing for flambés
The ladies he likes, but to braise
This hood gets his kicks
with lighter he flicks
and setting his victims ablaze

Raw Deal is one of the tough film noirs that Anthony Mann directed in the late 40s, shot by the great John Alton.