Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Madhouse Party

In Bedlam they stick all the mad
The headcases, sick, strained and sad
Where their captors abuse
These poor chaps to amuse
People dreadfully wicked and bad.

In Bedlam (Mark Robson; 1946), inmates at an insane asylum are made to perform for the callous upper-class. Boris Karloff stars as George Sims, master of the asylum. Glenn Vernon plays the Gilded Boy (top). Bedlam was the last in the series of stylish B horror films produced by Val Lewton for RKO.

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Stalk of the Town

Watch your step when exploring the park
That long schlep to the store is no lark
Is it clawed-handed killer
That marauds through this thriller,
Or a leopard that gores in the dark?

Isabel Jewel walks alone in The Leopard Man (Jacques Tourneur; 1943). Title by townie Donald B. Benson.

Monday, January 29, 2018

Shock Full O' Nuts

Bedlam (1946) [31 Days of American Horror Review] – BIG COMIC PAGE

Through Bedlam they're strewn, madness-tinged
Off their heads, they're all goony, unhinged
Boris K. keeps the keys
Of the crazy trustees
He's deadly, and lunatic-fringed.

David Cairns

Boris Karloff stars in Bedlam (Mark Robson; 1946).

Sunday, January 28, 2018

Revival Beating

In a fight, with his chin Popeye leads
But his might soon wears thin, so he feeds
He just pries open lunch
Which--surprise!--packs a punch
And one right fueled by spinach succeeds.

Popeye pastes one on Bluto in We Aim to Please (1934).

Friday, January 26, 2018

The Inconsistent Assistant

Ever wonder why plans go awry?
Naught but blunders and panic? Here's why!
Cuz your henchman, Doc Feelgood,
Ain't J. Dench nor J. Gielgud
It's that dunderhead, manic D. Frye!

Surly Hack and David Cairns

Dwight Frye as Fritz, Boris Karloff as the Monster, and Colin Clive as Henry Frankenstein (James Whale; 1931). Just another Dwight Frye-Day at LimerWrecks.

Thursday, January 25, 2018

String Eerie

She's a chilly, undead, human-thing
She's not ill, but her head needs a sling
She's subdued, and behold,
Is by voodoo controlled
Lacking will, she'll be led by a string.          

Jessica Holland (Christine Gordon) is summoned to the voodoo houmfort in I Walked With a Zombie (Jacques Tourneur; 1943).

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Jane Scare

Story sourced from the late Charlotte Brontë
So of course this one's fateful, not jaunty
The sea's glittering spray
Is just bits of decay
On the shores, making Haiti diamante.

David Cairns

Paul Holland (Tom Conway) explains his bleak view of the Caribbean to Betsy Connell (Frances Dee) in I Walked With a Zombie (Jacques Tourneur; 1943). Here's the scene's dialog:

Paul: It's not beautiful.

Betsy: You read my thoughts Mr. Holland.

Paul: It's easy enough to read the thoughts of a newcomer. Everything seems beautiful because you don't understand. Those flying fish, they're not leaping for joy, they're jumping in terror. Bigger fish want to eat them. That luminous water, it takes its gleam from millions of tiny dead bodies. The glitter of putrescence. There's no beauty here, only death and decay.

Betsy: You can't really believe that.

Paul: Everything good dies here. Even the stars.

Tuesday, January 23, 2018

She Walked by Night

Seems your 'guide' has a zombie-like gait 
Slowly glides in a calm, trance-like state  
Is she summoned by magic?
Or else something more tragic?
See her stride to her ominous fate...      

Christine Gordon (right) leads Frances Dee in I Walked With a Zombie (Jacques Tourneur; 1943).

Monday, January 22, 2018

Cat's All, Folks!

Egad! 'Neath the door something seeps
A shadowy horror now creeps
Is it cat or a man?
Guess it's catch as cat can
Either baddie will gore you for keeps.

Horror stains the floorboards in The Leopard Man (Jacques Tourneur; 1943).

Sunday, January 21, 2018

A Blutonic Relationship

He's a hooligan, bear-like, a slob
With unruly black hair round his gob
But to bop Bluto's bean
For ol' Popeye's routine
Then the fool's tossed away with one lob.

David Cairn

Bluto and Popeye square off in Bridge Ahoy! (1936). Title by Donald "B is for Bluto" Benson.

Friday, January 19, 2018

For All the Dwight Reasons

Why the focus on Frye? 'Cause he's hip!
As a jokester, the guy is a pip
He'll act nuts, play the fool
Here a klutz, there a tool   
Holy smokes! There's a fly! Watch him flip!

Dwight Frye as Renfield and Edward Van Sloan as Van Helsing in Dracula (Tod Browning; 1931). Title by the unreasoning Donald B. Benson.

Thursday, January 18, 2018

Double Leopard-y

A poor child met big game, it was chilling!
Is the wild cat to blame for this killing?
Or has Jack-off the Ripper
Dressed in black, with no zipper
And, thus styled, quite untamed, gone blood-spilling?

David Cairns

Dr. Galbraith (James Bell) and Kiki (Jean Brooks).in The Leopard Man (Jacques Tourneur; 1943). Apparently the same black leopard (named "Dynamite") used in Cat People, another Val Lewton production, was brought back for this film.

Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Die Card

The suit of the ace that you picked
The future you face does predict
Can't take your new fate?
Don't awaken a hate --
A brute will give chase,'re licked.

Clo-Clo (Margo) visits Maria the Fortune Teller (Isabel Jewell) in The Leopard Man (Jacques Tourneur; 1943).

Tuesday, January 16, 2018

Misery Date

You sit in the boneyard and stew
Just crypts of cold stone and poor you
Your date never shows
Cruel fate, you see, blows  
It's the pits all alone, and then...BOO!

Consuelo (Tula Parma) is locked inside a cemetery with The Leopard Man (Jacques Tourneur; 1943).

Monday, January 15, 2018

Look Who the Cat Dragged In

You're sent shopping in spite of the hour
Your heart stopping from fright as you cower
Get as far as the door
There's a snarl! Then there's gore! 
Get a mop! What a sight! All that flour!         

The Leopard Man (Jacques Tourneur; 1943); The mother of Teresa Delgado ( Margaret Landry) forces her to go out at night to buy corn flour for tortillas. Title by Donald Benson, in drag.

Sunday, January 14, 2018

Gob Story

This here mate, big of chin, unrefined,
A debate cannot win...with his mind
But prevails in all tussles
By upscaling his muscles
Which inflate when on spinach he's dined.

That mate, of course, is Popeye the Sailor (Dave Fleischer; 1933).

Saturday, January 13, 2018

Petty Poop

With a lout in the White House we're trapped
By the out there Alt-Right he's held rapt
Words he spews, late night tweets,
Just fake news he repeats
All he spouts is pure shite someone crapped.

Title by David Cairns, who also suggested the titles TURD REICH, PRESIDENT EVIL, and OVAL ORIFICE. Painting by Joe Simko (after Tom Bunk) for the Garbage Pail Kids.

Friday, January 12, 2018

The No-Goodnik, the Mad and the Pug-Ugly

While the storm is the pits, cold and rainy,
True to form, hunchback Fritz plays it zany
When the creature restarts
It lacks speech and all smarts
It's abnormally witless, bad-brainy.

Dwight Frye, Colin Clive, and the monster of Frankenstein (James Whale; 1931).

Thursday, January 11, 2018

Catch as Cat Can

A leopard is loose in the streets
There's jeopardy: pussycat eats!
It stalks and it slaughters
Please lock up your daughters
This hepcat craves juicy red meats!

David Cairns

Margaret Landry as Teresa Delgado makes a fateful trip to the bodega in The Leopard Man (Jacques Tourneur; 1943).

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Clo-Clo’s No-No

Rat-tat-tat! Clo-Clo clicks castanets
Scares a cat, giving chicks the cold sweats
Something's stirred, on the prowl
Commits murder most foul
When she's scratched Clo-Clo quickly regrets.

Nightclub entertainer Clo-Clo (Margo) stirs up trouble in The Leopard Man (Jacques Tourneur; 1943). Title by no-it-all Donald Benson.

Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Dead Sea Roles

Skelton Knaggs plays a mute who's a mate
Looking haggard, ill-suited, third-rate
But though lacking a tongue
This man-jack, venting lung
Quite ungagged, will astutely narrate.

David Cairns

Skelton Knaggs is "Finn the Mute," who narrates the Val Lewton production, The Ghost Ship (Mark Robson; 1943).

Monday, January 8, 2018

Some Crazy Ship Going Down

Up on deck, when you think you're alone
What the heck! in the drink you are thrown  
Seems your captain, despotic,
Went and snapped, turned psychotic 
As expected, you sink like a stone.

Something is amiss, afoot, and possibly awash on The Ghost Ship (Mark Robson; 1943). Title by ship-shapely Donald Benson.

Sunday, January 7, 2018

Pacific Notion

"Your manners are crude, unrefined"
Their fan club quite rudely opined.
"If we may, our two cents is
Be ladies and gentses,
Abandon your feuding, be kind."

In the Popeye cartoon It's the Natural Thing to Do (Dave Fleischer, 1939), an unlikely telegram arrives in the middle of a brawl. Title by Donald Benson.
This holiday season, the crew at LimerWrecks wishes for peace on Earth--though not necessarily in cartoons!

Friday, January 5, 2018

If the Shoe Fritz...

Henchman Fritz is the type who'll complain
He'll throw fits and he'll gripe and profane
But the schnook shouldn't grumble
As a crook Fritz will fumble
He admits that he swiped the wrong brain!

Dwight Frye as Fritz, the hunchback assistant to Frankenstein (James Whale; 1931). Dwight Frye-Day is our favorite day of the week.

Thursday, January 4, 2018

Seventh Inning Wretch

You are hep to despair, dig the gloom
Lacking pep, you prepare for the tomb
One should never consult
Such a devilish cult
Watch your step on that chair in your room.

Jacqueline Gibson (Jean Brooks) wears black in The Seventh Victim (Mark Robson; 1943).

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Die Die Birdie


Irena just played with her pet
It's plain that she's weighed by regret
Though the bird is in shock
Not one word of a doc
She's insane...or afraid of the vet.

Irena (Simon Simon) in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942).

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

The Pet Shop Noise

When she walks in the store they go nuts
There's a shock as the door gently shuts
Seems some animal sense
Makes them frantic or tense
Lots of squawks, yips and roars from the mutts.

David Cairns

Irena (Simone Simon) and Oliver (Kent Smith) visit a pet shop in The Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942).