Only His Hairdresser Knows For Sure

Some critics and imps will insist

That Vincent was limp in the wrist
Was he actually gay?
Or just acting "that way"?

Such pics can't be simply dismissed.


My answer, of course, is "Who cares?" Vincent Price and Diana Rigg in Theatre of Blood. Image source: Vincent F***ing  Price. Thanks to D. Cairns for kibbitzing.

Nightcrawling

Sid Falco's a weasely creep
who seems not to need any sleep
He sneaks from his hole
each eve with one goal:
to crawl to the top of the heap



Fawning press agent Sidney Falco (Tony Curtis) will do anything to curry favor with gossip columnist J.J. Hunsecker (Burt Lancaster): Sweet Smell of Success (Alexander Mackendrick, 1957). Image source: DVD Beaver (top); filmforno.com. A scene from Sweet Smell is Totally Looped for imrov comedy on Youtube, here.

Sweet Smell of Excess

A life to this villain is cheap
The power to kill's in his keep
His cynical "eyes"
spread rumor and lies
His victims can read it and weep

The "Eyes on Broadway" gossip column is used as a guillotine by J.J. Hunsecker (Burt Lancaster) in Sweet Smell of Success (Alexander Mackendrick, 1957). Image source: Dr. Macro's Movie Scans

Column A-Hole

His writing is vicious and vile
Each "item" is viscous with bile
This columnist leech,
if not for free speech,
for libel would likely stand trial

Burt Lancaster is venomous columnist J.J. Hunsecker in the searing Sweet Smell of Success (Alexander Mackendrick, 1957). Image source: DVD Beaver.

The Hunsecker Proxy

He authors a popular column
pretending his purpose is solemn.
But J. J. Hunsecker's
a relationship wrecker,
with lips dripping poison like Gollum.

David Cairns

Powerful gossip columnist J. J. Hunsecker (Burt Lancaster) waxes vitriolic in Sweet Smell of Success (Alexander Mackendrick, 1957). J.J. pulls the strings to break up his sister (Susan Harrison, below) and a jazz guitarist. Image source: If Charlie Parker Was a Gunslinger (top); High Def Disc News (above); DVD Beaver (below).

Spree Speech

Her pie-hole was always unzipped
and from it the gossip just dripped
Convicted of slander
the judge said, with candor
that duct tape would keep her tight-lipped