Saturday, November 30, 2013

A Bust with Two Backs

It's too bad that these two couldn't wed
Just imagine their brood if they bred
But their sleeping arrangement
Would cause deepest estrangement
Those two backs haven't room in one bed.

Pictured are hunchbacks Daniel (J Carrol Naish) in House of Frankenstein (1944), and Nina (Jane "Poni" Adams) in House of Dracula. This limerick was suggested by regular LimerWrecks reader Caffeinated Joe. Its title is by irregular writer David Cairns.

Friday, November 29, 2013

Miss Shaped

This lady's no swine like old Dwight
She'd played more benign and polite
But she's bent like that chump
With identical hump
Thus betrayed by a spine-curving blight.

David Cairns and Surly Hack

Martha O'Driscoll, Onslow Stevens and Jane "Poni" Adams as Nina,in House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945). Adams' hunchback followed Dwight Frye as Fritz in the original Universal Frankenstein. Dwight Frye-Days lives!

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Giblet It Be

Though this horror appeals it feels murky
And its story unreels herky-jerky
But with "Its" it is swarming,
Throwing fits and transforming
So it's short of ideal but no turkey.

House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945). Happy Cranksgiving from the butterball-and-chain gang at LimerWrecks! The title is by Norm Knott, full of cornball and nutjob stuffing.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Things That Grow Bumps in the Night

Men take flight from a female that's frumpy
But delight when she's pleasingly bumpy
Femmes with valleys and hills
Fill the male's loins with thrills
Why then fright when he sees a gal's humpy?

Dr. Edelmann (Onslow Stevens) and his assistant, the hunchbacked yet lovely Nina (Jane "Poni" Adams) in House of Dracula (1945). 

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Baby's Got Hunchback

In a castle, this quack's old abode,
Lives this lass with a back badly bowed
Will this freakish assistant
Remain shriek show resistant,
As a passel of crackpots unload?

Hunchback Nina (Jane "Poni" Adams) and Dr. Edelmann (Onslow Stevens) ward off an out-of-frame Dracula in House of Dracula (1945).

Monday, November 25, 2013

Three Menaces and a Little Lady

With a roster of monsters that's great
It's a hostel for rotters, irate
Plus one wacky li'l chick
Whose poor back has a crick
And whose posture's a lot less than straight.

The hunchbacked Nina (Jane "Poni" Adams) keeps an eye on Larry Talbot (Lon Chaney Jr), Dr. Edelmann (Onslow Stevens), and the Monster (Glenn Strange), in House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945).

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Poni Neckspress

He's the wicked and dastardly Drac
For his sicko repast he'll attack
In his thirst he's voracious
For all nurses curvaceous
Except chicks with a vast upper back.

John Carradine is Count Latos, aka Dracula, Jane "Poni" Adams is the hunchbacked Nina in House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945). Title written under a pressing deadline by David Cairns.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Latos Prey

Be they wicked, lost harlot or nun
Helpless victims he'll scar by the ton
Ev'ry daughter and mum
To the slaughter succumb
Till the sicko gets charred by the sun.

In House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945), Count Latos, aka Dracula (John Carradine) pursues mellifluous Milizia (Martha O'Driscoll). David Cairns writes a lot o' titles for LimerWrecks, including this one.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Thing and a Miss

Beware of this lecherous leerer
He stares at her neck when he's near her
This villain controls
Weak wills and lost souls
Though he's scared to stand next to a mirror.

Count Latos, aka Dracula (John Carradine), lusts after the blood of Milizia (Martha O'Driscoll) in House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945). Title by mischievous Norm Knott.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Pout for the Count

The old goat says he's come for a cure
But his motives are somewhat impure
Though the doctor's assistant
Is shocked and resistant
Still her throat has a scrumptious allure.

David Cairns

John Carradine is Count Latos, aka Dracula, and Martha O'Driscoll is Milizia: House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945).

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

The Haunting of Chill House

The Monster, the Wolf Man and Drac
All ensconced in Count Dracula's shack
And along for the ride
Is a Jekyll turned Hyde
Whose help has a badly hunched back.

 House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945): Returning are Glenn Strange as the Monster, Lon Chaney Jr as the Wolf Man, and John Carradine as Dracula. Making their monster movie debuts are Onslow Stevens as the Mad Doctor, and Jane "Poni" Adams as the Hunchback.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

The Shady Bunch

Universal hits bottom at last
All the cursed ones they've got are amassed
They're scraping the barrel
With cape as apparel
The film's bursting with rotters, miscast.

David Cairns

Lon Chaney Jr and John Carradine head up the cast of the second Universal monster house mash-up, House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945).

Monday, November 18, 2013

Sequel Parts

Once tragic, now only a dummy,
With badness this bonehead's grown chummy
His first pictures were classic
Now they're strictly Jurassic
Imagine baloney, and crummy.

By the time of House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944), the Monster (Glenn Strange) is a shadow of his former greatness.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

The Ghost of the House of Frankenstein

Trashing “Frankenstein” flicks I’m not bent on.
There are many worse films I could vent on.
But “The Ghost of...” and “House”
Were the work of a louse-
Y director whose name's Erle C Kenton.

Martin Pasko

Boris Karloff, director Erle C Kenton, Lon Chaney, Elena Verdugo and unknown, clowning around on the set of House of Frankenstein (1944), not exactly a step up from the director's previous monster pic, The Ghost of Frankenstein (1942). Please welcome author Martin Pasko to LimerWrecks. We're pleased to have him, even though it's more than likely his appearance here is career suicide.

Text by Chuck Stephens for The Criterion Collection:

Erle Cauthorn Kenton (1896–1980) was the kind of Hollywood director Preston Sturges was born to lampoon. A Keystone Kop promoted to two-reeler director by Keystone Studios boss Mack Sennett,
Kenton—who directed, on average, three features a year from 1930 to 1950—had been working in movies, at every conceivable job, for a decade before they had sound. During Island of Lost Souls’ production, he occasionally dressed in Moreau’s white suit and cracked a little whip. Seen here, Kenton looks rather dashing; in full-face portraits, he resembles a cherubic Teddy Roosevelt. He even played Roosevelt, under his own direction, in 1936’s End of the Trail. His pre-Code career is legendary and stylish, from 1929’s Barbara Stanwyck sex-sation Mexicali Rose to 1934’s body-berserk Search for Beauty. And he made a few films in the thirties and forties that you’ve probably seen, if you’re of a certain generation and were weaned on late-night TV (W. C. Fields’s You’re Telling Me!, Abbott and Costello’s Pardon My Sarong, House of Frankenstein, House of Dracula), plus many more you’ve never heard of but with titles too good to be true—as when 1937’s She Asked For It is followed by 1938’s The Lady Objects.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Casting Crawl

It's a venture that's padded and packed
With a henchman, love-mad, and bent-backed
Plus his master, a doc
And a cast from ghoul stock...
Did I mention the baddies get whacked?

J. Carrol Naish is the hunchback Daniel, Boris Karloff is Dr. Gustav Niemann, and Glenn Strange is The Monster in House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944).

Friday, November 15, 2013

Monster Queue & A

All these wandering brutes form a queue:
The new Monster, a mute, can't say "Boo!"
Old pal Drac gets a shock
From malpracticing doc
Wolf Man Lon's too hirsute for the zoo.

Boris Karloff, Lon Chaney Jr and John Carradine star in Universal's first full-on monster mash-up, House of Frankenstein (1944).

Thursday, November 14, 2013

House of Chill Repute

Just when is a house not a home?
When the den's where a louse likes to roam
A lonely old shack
That's prone to attack
From menaces, mouths full of foam.

The Monster (Glenn Strange), Dr. Gustav Niemann (Boris Karloff), and Larry Talbot, the Wolf Man (Lon Chaney Jr) crowd into the House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944).

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Dance of the Dud

In this lock, stock and sordid soiree
There's a doctor in moral decay
By a goon he is gripped
Does he swoon, is he dipped?
It's a schlocky, abnormal ballet.

The Monster (Glenn Strange) holds Doctor Niemann (Boris Karloff) in House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944). Title by David Cairns, a dude in fancy duds.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Niemann is an Island

Say hello to this cunning old cuss
As his foe, loaded guns are a plus
As assistant or friend
Your existence will end
'Cause he'll throw your hunch under a bus.

Daniel the hunchback (J Carrol Naish) is used by Dr. Gustav Niemann (Boris Karloff) in House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944). Title by David Cairns, somewhere in the Scottish Highlands.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Flophouse of Frankenstein

When they threw out this mess Universal
Surely knew it was mere dress rehearsal
Frankensteinia by numbers
Learns its lines, or just lumbers
While the crew waits, depressed, for dispersal.

David Cairns

Boris Karloff and J Carrol Naish on the set of House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944).

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Huddled Mass Entertainment

Of film monsters this thing ain't bereft
Such a roster spine-tingles from heft!
But each creature arrayed
Is dead meat by the fade
They're all lost, not a single one left.

Boris Karloff, Lon Chaney Jr and John Carradine star as a mad doctor, the Wolf Man and Dracula In House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944). The Monster is played by newcomer Glenn Strange.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Twilight Triple-Header

This feature's like horror on crack
There's creatures galore, back-to-back
Many tales will be told
Where all fail to grow old
And they each chew decor for a snack.

In House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944), Dracula (John Carradine), the Wolf Man (Lon Chaney Jr) and Frankenstein's Monster (Glenn Strange) are all revived by a mad doctor (Boris Karloff) and his hunchback assistant (J. Carrol Naish). David Cairns is our head title writer.

Friday, November 8, 2013

A Bog's Life

On dissections and fluids transfused,
I reflect as, all gooey, I'm oozed
A life spent on atrocity
And augmenting monstrosity:
Intellectual poodles I fused.

Dr. Gustav Niemann (Boris Karloff ) has a final moment of soggy contemplation at the end of House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944). Thanks to D Cairns for the assist.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Swamp and Circumstance

I am pompous and cranky as heck
My compadre's a rancorous wreck
My transplanting 'tween species
Just unleashes deep feces
In a swamp I have sank to my neck.

David Cairns and Surly Hack

The Monster (Glenn Strange) drags Dr. Niemann (Boris Karloff ) down into quicksand in House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944).

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Slow Thinker, Quick Sand

He's a blockhead, a slow-witted clown
With the doctor in tow he goes down
Such a bumbling creep,
Either dumb or asleep,
The big ox doesn't know that he'll drown.

The Monster (Glenn Strange) carries Dr. Niemann (Boris Karloff) into the swamp and to his doom in House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944). Title by fast and loose David Cairns.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Monsters Sink

Into quicksand I'm rapidly sinking
Just a thickheaded sap, I'm unthinking
Now a dunce, and sub-par,
I was once quite the star
But my flicks turned so crappy they're stinking.

The Monster (Glenn Strange) carries Dr. Niemann (Boris Karloff) into the swamp and to his doom: House of Frankenstein (1944). How the once tragic creature has fallen since played by Karloff himself!

Monday, November 4, 2013

Carry Off Screaming

Karloff's blinking, by hack-work dismayed
Gnarled and crinkled, this quack is unmade
Since his muffed try to charm it
He's been stuffed in its armpit
The star sinks with the slack-jaw he'd played.

David Cairns

The Monster (Glenn Strange) drags off Dr. Gustav Niemann (Boris Karloff) in House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944).

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Finish Line Readings

All these obvious endings don't vary
There's the mob that's dependably scary
And their torchlight illumines
Some unfortunate humans
And the cobbled parts-blend they'd re-bury.

The Monster (Glenn Strange) carries Dr. Niemann (Boris Karloff) away in the conclusion to House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944).

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Mob Rule of Thumb

To the square it unsteadily stumbles
Townsfolk stare, mill about, start to grumble
In a mob they all gather
Hearts a-throb, in a lather
Torches flare...let's get ready to rumble!

The Monster (Glenn Strange) lugs Dr Neimann (Boris Karloff) to the swamp in House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944).

Friday, November 1, 2013

Firehouse of Frankenstein

Ev'ry madman for glory will vie
And with gadgets galore have a try
But electrical arcs
Angry wrecking crews spark,
And the baddie, of course, has to die.

The Monster carries Dr. Niemann away from the mob: Glenn Strange and Boris Karloff in  House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944).