I Witness

I saw what you did in the shower
I know how relationships sour
To clean up the grime
at the scene of the crime
I'd go for a Brillo and scour


Joyce Meadows and John Ireland leg it in I Saw What You Did (William Castle, 1965). Title by clean-as-a-whistle David Cairns.

To Dial For

She covets the the psycho next door,
though he's gutted his his wife on the floor
When randomly dialed
this killer gets riled
and shoves in his knife like before


John Ireland and Joan Crawford in I Saw What You Did (William Castle, 1965). See Saw at 11 AM today on Svengoolie on Me-TV. Title phoned in by David Cairns.

A Fistful of Crawlers

Of tarantula's venom be wary
This arachnid's a menace and scary
When monstrously sized
the army's advised
to ask for a young Dirty Harry.


Tarantula (Jack Arnold, 1955), starring Leo G. Carroll, John Agar and Mara Corday, and an uncredited 25-year-old Clint Eastwood as a jet pilot that douses the title creature with napalm. Tarantula is crawling on Svengoolie, tonight on Me-TV. Title by giant-sized David Cairns.

De-Crypted

In Egypt, two pals who were chummy
did meet with a stale, ancient mummy
Exhumed from his tomb,
the ghoul spelled their doom--
but in hieroglyphs--mum's not a dummy

Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy (Charles Lamont, 1955), airing tonight on Svengoolie on Me-TV. This was the 28th and final A&C film for Universal, and their routines were getting about as ancient as the pyramids. Title by Crypt-Keeper David Cairns.

The Mantis Who Came to Dinner

A giant-sized mantis is preying
on guys it dismantles while slaying
They try to destroy it
but only annoy it
That's why William Hopper is graying


Craig Stevens, Alix Talton and silver haired William Hopper battle the Deadly Mantis (Nathan Juran, 1957). It's hosted by Svengoolie on Me-TV this afternoon, and is followed tonight by The Mummy starring Boris Karloff.

The Meet With No Name

Of suspects there's more than a few
Enough that they'd form a long queue
There's turban wrapped rats,
and girls who pack gats
to rub out poor pitiful Lou



Abbott and Costello Meet the Killer, Boris Karloff (Charles Barton, 1949), certainly one of the most ungainly of film titles. It's airing tonight on Svengoolie. Image source: Brian's Drive-in Theater; Doctor Macro's Movie Scans

The Brain Mutiny

The monster when freed starts complaining
his noggin's in need of re-braining
Says Ygor, "Use mine,
I need a new spine!
Besides, it will be entertaining!"



Lon Chaney Jr., Sir Cedric Hardwicke and Bela Lugosi in The Ghost of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1942), airing tonight on Svengoolie on Me-TV. Here's a link to "Playing a Hunch-back", our previous limerick on this, the fourth Frankenstein film from Universal . Image source: This Island Rod

The Skin Visible Man

He prances around in the nude
Such antics must sound a bit lewd
But he stays out of sight
through the day and all night,
if perchance he encounters a prude

Vincent Price is heard but not seen in The Invisible Man Returns (Joe May, 1940), returning tonight to Svengoolie on Me-TV. That's Alan Napier (butler Alfred to TV's Batman) on the left in the lobby card--in which the more transparent than invisible man is clearly wearing a suit! What are they trying to do--ruin my gag? And thanks to disappearing D. Cairns for clearing up the title.

Fur From the Madding Crowd

Are we meant to be kept in a pen?
Merely pets that play fetch now and then?
Are we mongrels and curs?
Or Mesdames et Messieurs?
The question is, "Are we not men?"



Svengoolie ventures to the Island of the Lost Souls (Erle C. Kenton, 1932). Tune in tonight on Me-TV. Image source: Doctor Macro.

Gruesome Twosome

He's sweet where his counterpart's snide
He's meek, but his buddy ain't tried
Though they're closely aligned
they're no two of a kind
I'm speaking of Jekyll and Hyde



Abbott and Costello Meet Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde meets Chicago's very own horror host, Svengoolie! Tonight on MeTV. Tomorrow, back to The Fly and our Vincent Price centenary tribute.

Disappearing Tract

The invisible dude would elude
the boys dressed in blue who pursued
So how he was beaten?
By the chow he had eaten
The Bobbies just followed the food.

The Invisible Man (James Whale, 1933). In the film, Claude Rains actually refers to his food being visible until it's digested. This classic airs tonight on Svengoolie on MeTV.

Bride and Gloom

Growing bored with with the running amok,
by amore the monster was struck
Though they stitched him a bride
he was fit to be tied:
He adores her, she thinks he's a schmuck



Elsa Lanchester screeches at Boris Karloff in Bride of Frankenstein (James Whale, 1935). This masterpiece of monster movies airs tonight on Son of Svengoolie on Me-TV. Tomorrow: Back to Vincent Price! Image source: Doctor Macro and Frankensteinia.

Now and Sven

Svengoolie, in top hat and tux

each week hosts a fright flick that sucks
With chicken named Kerwyn
he jokes about Berwyn

and plot from the film deconstructs



Above: Chicago's own horror host Svengoolie and a rubber chicken (not Kerwyn). No, not all the films suck, but each Saturday night Sven pokes goodnatured fun at them. Svengoolie is Rich Koz, who is in fact the son of Svengoolie, carrying on the tradition from his horror host "father", Jerry Bishop, the original Svengoolie.