R.I.P. Bob Guccione

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He lived a life lacking regrets
except for no gold statuettes
No ally of PETA's,
he liked his Lolitas,
and kept them in penthouse as pets

Bob "the Gooch" Guccione, the man responsible for Penthouse magazine and the director of "additional scenes" for Caligula (1979), is dead at 79.

That Ain't Hay

Before his T.V. show as born

This star was both broke and forlorn

With nary a cent

to pay his stall's rent

the young Mister Ed turned to porn

Porn Again

Removing bikini and slacks
two porn stars pretend to relax
They writhe and they moan in
performances phoned in
though rug burns are real on their backs

Eating Out

I tell you, as sure as you're born,
the next big thing will be Food Porn
Fried twinkies on sticks

in deep dish skin flicks
with hot dogs that ain't dipped in corn

And, on that unappetizing note, we end
Strange Sex Week at Limerwrecks.

Porn Koan

Though Miss Primrose took it in the breech
Porn-biz stardom she never could reach
Now in her crevasse
Comes her high school class
“Those who can’t do” she says, “can still teach.”

The Porn Ultimatum

In new movies the special effects
Seem so real the eye seldom detects
But in porno flicks
Projecting from chicks
You’ll see chests only science erects

The Porn Identity

Delivery guy they called Tony
brought hot chicks a large pepperoni
Though pizza looked nice
they ate not a slice
The story was full of baloney