Friday, May 17, 2019

Hoarse and Buggy



A spider now dwells in your house
A giant-from-hell hairy louse
No rarebit-fueled dream
In terror you scream
Get insect repellent and douse!

Mara Corday reacts to the Tarantula (Jack Arnold; 1955).

Thursday, May 16, 2019

Carpet Diem



Are you nuts? Don't recline on the rug!
Your cute butt's in the line of a bug!
Get up, gal, we're not joking
Soon its talon starts poking
And your guts like cheap wine it will chug!

Mara Corday poses in a striking still from Tarantula (Jack Arnold; 1955).

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

Ick-speriment!



It creeps through the scrub and the thistles
It’s hungry and covered with bristles;
The drive-in crowd cheers
Every time it appears
While Mara Corday provokes whistles.

Paul Truster



Mara Corday adds the sex appeal to Tarantula (Jack Arnold; 1955); with Leo G. Carroll.

Tuesday, May 14, 2019

Not Waverley, but Drowning



You've seen him command men from U.N.C.L.E.
Now he's been at the glands, so this junk'll
Not show Leo be charming
(Could he be more alarming?)
He's obscene, an expanding carbuncle.

David Cairns

Leo G. Carroll in Tarantula (Jack Arnold; 1955).

Monday, May 13, 2019

The Pituitary and the Pendulous

 

Poor Leo to hormones, exposed
Can see that his form's discomposed
All awry, he's a grower
One eye higher, one lower
That's really abnormal. He's hosed.

Reviewing poor Leo's complexion
We peruse a bad scene of abjection
His pituitary gland
Got Critically panned
For this crude facial feature selection.

David Cairns

Scientist Leo G. Carroll  in Tarantula (Jack Arnold; 1955).

Friday, May 10, 2019

Face Awful



The fact is, experiments leak
Contract something rare, you turn freak
Having meddled, Professor,
Your head's now a mess, sir
Attractive young characters shriek!

Leo G. Carroll startles Mara Corday in a still from Tarantula (Jack Arnold; 1955).

Thursday, May 9, 2019

Close Crawl



Beware of arachnids, king size       
The hairy things blacken the skies
You'll die if you face them
So try to outrace them
You're fare they will snack on like flies.

Tarantula (Jack Arnold; 1955). Rev that Chevy! Or whatever it is.

Wednesday, May 8, 2019

Picasso's Boo Period



This scientist braces for changes  
But, my! How his face rearranges!
Accursed, he looks weird
Far worse than he feared
An eye-out-of-place is what strange is!

Scientist Leo G. Carroll is a victim of his own experiments in Tarantula (Jack Arnold; 1955).

Tuesday, May 7, 2019

Quackromegaly



Leo's working away at his theorem
Goes berserk with some crazy growth serum
His pituitary gland
Gets askew, out of hand
Now his quirky, warped face makes us fearum.

David Cairns

Scientist Leo G. Carroll is afflicted by accelerated acromegaly in Tarantula (Jack Arnold; 1955).

Monday, May 6, 2019

Lab Rattled



Better flee from your fearful assistant 
To your pleas, deformed ears are resistant
He's shunned 'cause he's bumpy
No wonder he's grumpy!
Upon evil he's weirdly insistent.



Paul Lund (Ed Parker), mutated assistant to Prof. Gerald Deemer (Leo G. Carroll) in Tarantula (Jack Arnold; 1955).

Friday, May 3, 2019

Spidermanipulator



A master of pest-based inventions
He has but the best of intentions
And couldn't have known
What shouldn't be grown
Disaster's unguessed-at dimensions.

Scientist Leo G. Carroll uses radioactive elements to produce a super-nutrient, a defacto growth formula in Tarantula (Jack Arnold; 1955). Title by language manipulator David Cairns.

Thursday, May 2, 2019

It's Hard For a Mantidae



That pesky ol' mantis does rise
Into Eskimo shanties it pries
In a tunnel it's gassed
Is stunned and, at last
Grotesquely, it dances, then dies.

Alix Talton gets a closer look at The Deadly Mantis (Nathan Juran; 1957). Title by David 'Hardbody' Cairns.

Wednesday, May 1, 2019

Spraying Mantis



They blast the poor critter with shells  
A vast load of grue spits and wells
Its juice fills the tunnel
Like a sluice or a runnel
With ghastliest spewing of smells.

David Cairns

It looks like the end for The Deadly Mantis (Nathan Juran; 1957).

Tuesday, April 30, 2019

Carful Tunnel



Another Thank-Heaven-It's-Done Day
You're getting home late because one day
Your evening commute
Is blocked by this brute.
It's what you'd expect on a Monday.

Donald B. Benson

The Deadly Mantis (Nathan Juran; 1957) snarls traffic in the Manhattan Tunnel.

Monday, April 29, 2019

“Mantis Movie Generates Buzz"



“We’ve done ants,” said some filmic Big Cheese
“Then the spiders, what’s next? Maybe fleas?”
Thus answered his stooge,
"Praying mantis--but huge!"
“That’s it! ‘Deadly Mantis!’ Script, please!"

Paul Truster

And so, The Deadly Mantis (Nathan Juran; 1957) was, um...greenlit.

Friday, April 26, 2019

Gonna Wash That Mantis Out of My Hair



The mantis flies out from his nest
To scare her, yet she’s unimpressed;
After facing the ogles
Of studio moguls
He’s just one more Hollywood pest.

Paul Truster

The Deadly Mantis (Nathan Juran; 1957) peeps through the window at Alix Talton.

Thursday, April 25, 2019

The Last Mantis on Earth

 

This great, flying nightmare sees red 
All dates who'd excite him are dead
Extinction is near
It stinks, but it's clear:
No mate lives to bite off his head.

The Deadly Mantis (Nathan Juran; 1957)

Wednesday, April 24, 2019

Kiss Me Deadly Mantis



The advantage to Mantis, king-size
Unlike ants that gigantic, it flies
And landing, defeats us
Like candy it eats us
Our chances are scant, living-wise.

Alix Talton is dwarfed by The Deadly Mantis (Nathan Juran; 1957)

Tuesday, April 23, 2019

The Deadly Manners



A blast from the past, out of place,
Is Mantis, the last of his race.
He's starting to pray
Depart while you may
His prayer, rather ghastly, is grace.

Donald B. Benson

A military outpost is attacked by The Deadly Mantis (Nathan Juran; 1957).

Monday, April 22, 2019

Pests in Show



No mercy from ants, things look black!
Disperse, Deadly Mantis attack!
They're creepy and crawly
Eating jeeps makes them jolly
A hearse is Tarantula's snack.

David Cairns

The Southwest is threatened by yet another insect menace. Namely, Tarantula (Jack Arnold; 1955).

Sunday, April 21, 2019

Zombie Flesh Easter



It's Easter, give praise, do not mourn
Your deceased savior's raised and reborn
But these dead, now alive
Open heads to survive
And will feast on your brains Sunday morn.

Pasty-faced extras lurch through Night of the Living Dead (1968). Our title is by David Cairns, and is a nod to Zombies 2, aka Zombie Flesh Eaters (1979). We're going to hell in an Easter basket for resurrecting this each year.

Friday, April 19, 2019

Shy Witness



This poor little traumatized daughter
Has endured both her mom and dad's slaughter
Now she's mute and afraid
(They were brutally slayed)
There's no curing fear bomb tests have taught her.

David Cairns

William Schallert and James Whitmore rescue Sandy Descher in THEM! (Gordon Douglas; 1954).

Thursday, April 18, 2019

Ant-erior Monologue



Of her fear there’s no one to relieve her,
And few will be apt to believe her;
If she says Dad and Mum
Were by ants overcome
Straight into the nuthouse they’ll heave her.

Paul Truster

Sandy Descher, Waldron Boyle, and James Whitmore in a lobby card from THEM! (Gordon Douglas; 1954).

Wednesday, April 17, 2019

Entré You



A pronoun from Hell, full of force
This lonely girl yells it till hoarse
While she's weeping and bawling
The creepies come crawling
Over-grown, now they smell their first course.

David Cairns

Sandy Descher screams in THEM! (Gordon Douglas; 1954).

Tuesday, April 16, 2019

Jeopardy -- In the Form of an Ant, Sir



What more could be found in one word?
Enormous, astounding, absurd!
No mere preposition
Brings fear or perdition
THEM, horrible pronoun, is heard!

Surly Hack and David Cairns

From the trailer for THEM! (Gordon Douglas; 1954). Title by wordy Donald B. Benson.

Monday, April 15, 2019

Them Thar Anthills!



It’s said that a child shall lead them
Indeed, if we’re wise, we will heed them;
When it's "Them!" children bawl
Don't hem, haw, or stall--
We'll run from the ants, or we’ll feed Them!

Paul Truster

Little Sandy Descher, traumatized by THEM! (Gordon Douglas; 1954).

Friday, April 12, 2019

Orphans of the Swarm



She wanders alone on the prairie
Won't respond 'cause she's grown rather wary
Standing stock still she'll pant
(She got shocked by an ant)
Way out yonder, them drones are quite scary.

David Cairns

Sandy Descher makes quite an entrance in THEM! (Gordon Douglas; 1954).

Thursday, April 11, 2019

Ant Got Your Toungue?



Them grow, and won't stay on the farm
We know insect spray does no harm
This dwarf, who is cute
Is made orphan, turns mute
And so, can't convey her alarm.

Sandy Descher, the first known survivor of THEM! (Gordon Douglas; 1954). Title by soft-spoken James Finn Garner.

Wednesday, April 10, 2019

My Dinner With Antre



Huge insects on screens are now crawling
Our skin's their cuisine--it's appalling
Either cease A-bomb testing
Or in peace we'll be resting
All finished, picked clean from their mauling.

Joan Weldon is startled by one of Them! (Gordon Douglas; 1954). Title by Limerwrecker of the outré, David Cairns.

Tuesday, April 9, 2019

Mean Cuisine



When the scientist pulls off a blooper,
Who fixes the mess? Why, the trooper!
Hoists his weapon and fires it
At THEM what requires it--
So now, who’s for Scrambled Eggs Super?

Paul Truster

James Whitmore, James Arness, and Joan Weldon find the giant ant's nest in THEM! (Gordon Douglas; 1954).

Monday, April 8, 2019

Eggs Over-Eaty



These terrible insects are whopping
Their scary-big infants keep popping
The bastards are hatching
Too fast for dispatching
Prepare, or your innards they're chopping.

James Whitmore, Joan Weldon, and James Arness explore the giant ant nest in Them! (Gordon Douglas; 1954). David Cairns laid the title.

Friday, April 5, 2019

The Plague's the Thing



Don't fall for big cricket or locust
It's all just a trick, hocus pocus
They're ugly, you bet
But bugs are no threat
When crawling through flicks out-of-focus.

Peter Graves defends himself against the lousy special effects in Beginning of the End (Bert I. Gordon; 1957). Title by plague-ridden James Finn Garner.

Thursday, April 4, 2019

The Mass Menagerie



Post-war, movies sought a new mission
And formed it from nuclear fission;
They preached, as a warning
Freak creatures a-borning
And swarms of big bugs needin’ squishin’.

Paul Truster


Beginning of the End (Bert I. Gordon; 1957): An agricultural scientist grows gigantic vegetables using radiation, but the crops are eaten by locusts (aka grasshoppers), which quickly grow to a gigantic size and attack Chicago.


Wednesday, April 3, 2019

Praise the Lord and Pass the Ant-Munitions!



Their queen won't expect a bazooker
If that's not effective, we'll nuke 'er
Atomic..? Wait--no!
The bomb made Them grow!
Yet somehow we'll wreck Them--bet lucre!

Paul Truster and Surly Hack

James Arness helps load a bazooka in THEM! (Gordon Douglas; 1954).

Tuesday, April 2, 2019

National Ant-Them!



When these gi-ants need fuel, they will forage
Better hide, or they’ll chew you like porridge;
If you're lame and can't run
Better aim a big gun
Or that flamethrower cooling in storage.

Paul Truster

The ants surface in Them! (Gordon Douglas; 1954).

Monday, April 1, 2019

Ants and Raves



This creature defies explanation
How'd it reach such a size? Radiation?
Who cares about sense?
It's scary! We're tense!
A feature-length sci-fi sensation!

A lobby card for Warner Brothers' Amazing New Sensation, Them! (Gordon Douglas; 1954).

Friday, March 29, 2019

The Pest Years of Our Lives

 

They're growing enormous in size
They ogle with horrible eyes
Tarantula! Ants!
Does Man stand a chance?
I know! Let's transform into flies! 



Top: Tarantula (Jack Arnold; 1955); Above: The Fly (Kurt Neumann; 1958).

Thursday, March 28, 2019

Bite Torrent



Them pinch middles tightly--such grips!
Squeeze inches from right off your hips!
Them draw you in close
To gnaw you...it's gross! 
A clinch with Them's nightmarish lips!

James Whitmore has had enough of Them! (Gordon Douglas; 1954). Title by David Cairns, who is certainly no Tory.

Wednesday, March 27, 2019

AdvANTS!



Man cowered in fright from attack!
Devoured as light insect snack! 
Our best are deployed
The pests look annoyed
Now our guys are biting THEM back!

The army brings it to THEM! (Gordon Douglas; 1954).

Tuesday, March 26, 2019

Never Say Formicidae

Image result for Them! 1954 James Arness




Beware of these six-legged freaks!
They'll snare you, snick-snick, with their beaks!
Their mandibles hew you
Like candy they'll chew you
One tear, you'll spring sickening leaks!

David Cairns

The real stars of Them! (Gordon Douglas; 1954) are the giant ants.

Monday, March 25, 2019

Ant Agonism



Them's giants are mauling our dames!
Defy Them's appalling ant-aims!
Too meek to destroy Them
You seek to annoy Them
But why bother calling Them names?

Edmund Gwenn hurls insults at Them! (Gordon Douglas; 1954). Title by David Cairns agonistes.

Friday, March 22, 2019

Ant's Tomb



Don't let Them's six feet in your yard!
To better defeat Them--bombard!
Shoot, smash, gas and burn Them
To ashes you'll turn Them
Don't sweat it, just heat Them till charred!

James Whitmore sets fire to Them! (Gordon Douglas; 1954).

Thursday, March 21, 2019

Ant Misbehavin'



These buggers are gruesome and icky
They're ugly, and ooze something sticky
Their pincers will squeeze
You'll wince and you'll wheeze
Their hugs leave a bruise like no hickey.

James Whitmore battles Them! (Gordon Douglas; 1954).

Wednesday, March 20, 2019

Anty Maim



"Life's a banquet!" we've been told it's true
Here's what rankles: the dinner is you
First they squish up your guts
Then you're dished as cold cuts
Drive a tank and you're tinned food for two.

David Cairns

James Whitmore takes one for the team in Them! (Gordon Douglas; 1954); with Joan Weldon and James Arness.

Tuesday, March 19, 2019

Insectually Active



Those rude and yet keen might deduce
That this brood's insect queen must be loose
Where others grow dizzy
This mother gets busy
And dude, how these things reproduce!

Them! (Gordon Douglas; 1954) is giant ants.

Monday, March 18, 2019

A Little Bite Music



Beware of that eerie ant-sound!
Prepare--what appears will astound!
These bugs are not docile
They're ugly, colossal
And terribly near--turn around!

Joan Weldon is about to meet Them! (Gordon Douglas; 1954). From Wikipedia: The sounds the giant ants emit in the film were the calls of bird-voiced tree frogs mixed in with the calls of several birds.

Friday, March 15, 2019

A Child Shall Feed Them!



Yes, Them are supposed to be small
But Them sometimes grows big and tall
See, Them will defeat us
For Them like to eat us
And Them will dispose of us all.

James Whitmore tries to comfort traumatized Sandy Descher and in THEM! (Gordon Douglas; 1954).