Thursday, July 31, 2014

Woebegone With the Wind

Once reborn with alarm and a sew,
He's since torn off an arm from old Krogh
Now, the life all but gone,  
He can't stifle a yawn
He has worn out his charm and must go.

Glenn Strange portrays the Monster in his last, feeble appearance in Abbott and Costello Snuff the Life Out of Frankenstein (1948). Having shut down the HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN, it's time to say goodbye to the other Universal Monsters.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Pest in Peace

Alas and alack, here lies Larry
His ass dressed in black they'll soon bury
But as tears fall like rain,
He'll spread fear once again
Poor bastard comes back, mad and hairy.

We're closing the door on HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN, though Universal left it open. Image: Maria Ouspenskaya, Claude Rains, and Lon Chaney Jr. in The Wolf Man (1941). Title by peacenik David Cairns.

Friday, July 25, 2014

Hair Lies...

Life has ceased for this loony, first class
No more beast to impugn and harass
His path saddled with thorns
His poor daddio mourns
He'll at least have a funeral mass.

Larry Talbot meets his predestined end in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Maria Ouspenskaya and Claude Rains look down on a lupine and supine Lon Chaney Jr in The Wolf Man (1941).

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Who's Afraid of the Big Sad Wolf?

Larry's stuck in a terrible mood
Out of luck, in despair, he'll just brood
His perpetual state
Is to fret about fate
But the schmuck has to scare up some food.

Larry Talbot is a barrel of laughs in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Maria Ouspenskaya and Lon Chaney Jr. in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (Roy William Neill; 1943).

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Disquiet, Please

First he's pulling out throats, the blood spurting
Then from wolf to the goat he's reverting
All this change makes him queasy
He feels strange and uneasy
Prefers wool--the fur coat's disconcerting.

All's unwell in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Lon Chaney Jr., looking uncomfortable.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Crybaby Wolf

Pity poor little, frightened, lost Larry
On the moor late one night he did tarry
Now he whines and he frets
Every time the sun sets
'Cause he's sure full moon's light gets him hairy.

HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN: A morose Larry Talbot, aka the Wolf Man, is comforted by Ilonka, a gypsy girl. Image: Lon Chaney Jr. and Elena Verdugo in House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944). Title by David "Baby face" Cairns.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Wild Fang

When he's Larry he mopes, wears a scowl
As a werewolf he lopes, on the prowl
Always goes for their throats
As he sows his wild oats
While he merrily gropes with a howl.

Wolf Man Larry Talbot lusts after Gwen Conliffe in our make believe limerick film, HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Lon Chaney Jr. and Evelyn Ankers in a trailer for The Wolf Man (1941).

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Rampage Cannot Be Displayed

Depredations more vicious, intenser
And sensations delicious, immenser
If they're spied on the screen
Not implied and unseen
Try the patience of fish-eyed old censor.

David Cairns

Something horrible is shadowed in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: A body is discovered on the moors in The Wolf Man (1941).The actors with lanterns might be Ralph Bellamy and/or Warren William.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Transformer: Dork of the Moon

Like a nightmare, Lon's suddenly vexed
From a bite where his blood's gotten hexed
Turning vividly bristly
Like a widow from Sicily
He affrights, scares and murders -- you're next!

David Cairns

Things get hairy in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Larry Talbot (Lon Chaney Jr.) transforms into the Wolf Man in House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton; 1944).

Thursday, July 17, 2014

A Ham to the Slaughter

With Lon's playing, it's "less isn't more"
First he'll bay, then aggressively roar
On cadavers he'll feast
Like a ravenous beast
His portrayal's a mess, but no bore.

David Cairns

The werewolf chews op the scenery in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Lon Chaney Jr. and Evelyn Ankers in The Wolf Man (1941).

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Death With Archie

So Riverdale's redhead was shot
He could live or drop dead, I care not
It's just shtick to hook schnooks
An old trick to sell books
So don't give them your bread--it's a plot.

No doubt "Double-Sized" is twice as expensive.

Asleep in Wolf's Clothing

The werewolf, for mauling, was sought
In a snare the fur-baller is caught
But, the chasing now ceased,
The mob's facing no beast,
And what's there's not at all what they thought.

The Wolf Man is revealed to be Larry Talbot in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Lon Chaney Jr., with and without yak fur, in The Wolf Man (1941).

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Monthly Psycho

Here's a wolf you can't keep from your door
He's a cruel one, fangs steeping in gore
But when satellite wanes
He turns prat and complains
Just a foolish and weepy old bore.

David Cairns

The moon is full in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Lon Chaney Jr is on the rage in The Wolf Man (1941).

Monday, July 14, 2014

Claude Savagely

What a clot! The great strapping galoot
At a trot, wrapped a trap round his foot
He's more beast than a son
Or at least two-in-one
With a swat his pop saps the poor brute.
David Cairns with Surly Hack
John Talbot realizes he's just struck down his son in our plot-scrambling 'What if?' film, HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Claude Rains holds the silver-tipped cane in The Wolf Man (1941). Read this one as if you were Scottish, like David Cairns, who rhymes 'foot' with 'brute'.

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Spare the Claude and Spoil the Child

A pappy must chasten his boy
And the strap's no disgrace to employ
But a capital case
Has this chap losing face
With a whap coup-de-grace he'll destroy.

David Cairns

John Talbot raises his hand against a wolf and strikes his son in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: What looks to be the stunt doubles of Claude Rains and Lon Chaney in The Wolf Man (1941).

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Who's Afraid of the Big Dad, Wolf?

Is he werewolf,  genteel, or insane?
Rueful Larry can't deal with the strain 
The poor slob comes unglued, 
When by mob he's pursued,
Plus his parent, who's wielding a cane.

A domestic squabble erupts in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Claude Rains, Lon Chaney Jr., and Evelyn Ankers in The Wolf Man (1941). Title by David "Big Daddy" Cairns.

Friday, July 11, 2014

Raising Cane

That Larry's a snooze when complaining
"This hair makes my shoes too constraining."
"Long nights on the prowl,
 It bites when I howl..."
Only fair Larry's due for a caning.

Larry Talbot uses a silver-tipped cane to slay a werewolf that attacks him, and in turn is killed by his father with the same walking stick: Image: Larry Talbot (Lon Chaney Jr.) threatens Bela the gypsy  (Béla Lugosi) in a promo pic for The Wolf Man (1941).

Thursday, July 10, 2014

That Old Fang of Mine

Helpless villagers slain Larry's ruing
Their lives spilling from veins he'd been chewing
Sprouting fangs, growing furry,
Causes anguish and worry
Till this silver-tipped cane's his undoing.

What if Universal studios filmed HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN?
Image: Larry Talbot (Lon Chaney Jr.) emotes in The Wolf Man (1941).

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Shadows Master

In corners where cobwebbing clings
hide morbid and frightening things.
Each pen and brush stroke
the Gothic evokes;
Of horror, crown Wrightson the king.

Master comic book artist and illustrator Bernie Wrightson is in the hospital. Our thoughts are with him and his family. Image: A page from the story Jennifer drawn by Wrightson, written by Bruce Jones.

Of Half-Human Bondage

As the nastiest werewolf amok,
He's held fast in a chair, the poor schmuck
When he changes his shape
He'll arrange his escape
'Til at last, in a snare he gets stuck.

Sir John Talbot gives his son Larry a time out in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Claude Rains and Lon Chaney Jr in The Wolf Man (1941). And yes, monster film fans, I know this limerick combines two scenes out of sequence.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Wild Child Abuse

So the pop gives his son a 'time out'
Thinks it proper to punish the sprout
But the moon is in phase
And youth soon disobeys-- 
There's no stopping kids running about.

John Talbot dishes out the tough love in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Claude Rains and Lon Chaney Jr. in The Wolf Man (1941).

Monday, July 7, 2014

Disquiet, Please


Filled with anguish, grown bitter and sour
Nerves a-jangle, he sits by the hour
But the light ends too soon
And the night brings the moon
And new fangs seeking bits to devour.

Larry Talbot grimaces in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN.  Image: Lon Chaney Jr. strips down in The Wolf Man (George Waggner; 1941)

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Act Unnaturally

His hostility's churlish and feral
With agility, fur that's not sterile
But when moon starts to wane
The poor loon's smart and sane
Versatility worthy of Meryl.

David Cairns

As Larry Talbot, Lon Chaney Jr. runs the gamut from morose to monstrous in The Wolf Man (1941).

Friday, July 4, 2014

...the Tufts Get Growing

When Larry's thick yak fur starts growing,
Beware! On attack he'll be going
The wolfbane is blooming,
His beard's full and needs grooming,
And the hair on his back calls for mowing.

Gwen Conliffe gives the Wolf Man (aka Larry Talbot) a clipping in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Universal scream queen Evelyn Ankers and Lon Chaney Jr. in a promotional photo for The Wolf Man (1941). Title by easygrowing David Cairns.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

When the Growing Gets Tufts...

When his hair starts to sprout in a shag
Larry tears down the route to this hag 
And she tells him his fate
Will be hellish, not great,
Because werewolfing bouts are a drag.

Larry Talbot consults the gypsy fortuneteller Maleva in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Lon Chaney Jr. and Maria Ouspenskaya in The Wolf Man (1941). Title by growing boy David Cairns.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Wine, Women and Wrong

Far from bubbly and gay in the throng,
Larry's rubbed the wrong way by a song
It's upbeat, life-affirming,
In his seat he keeps squirming,
Knowing stubble one day will grow long.

All is not quiet in the HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Lon Chaney Jr. as Larry Talbot, and festival singer Adia Kuznetzoff in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (1943). Here are our previous rhymes on this scene. And here's the scene and song on youtube.

FARO-LA, FARO-LI (Song of the New Wine)
Curt Siodmak / Hans J. Salter

Come one and all and sing a song
Faro-la, faro-li!
For life is short, but death is long
Faro-la, faro-li!
There'll be no music in the tomb
So sing with joy and down with gloom
Tonight the new wine is in bloom
Faro-la, faro-li!

Tonight we toast our happy host
Faro-la, faro-li!
For he's the man we love the most
Faro-la, faro-li!
He's barrel-chested, dipper-lipped
For drinking wine, he's well-equipped
But where's his chest? It must have slipped
Faro-la, faro-li!

If Franzec never drank at all
Faro-la, faro-li!
He might not care for alcohol
Faro-la, faro-li!
But since he drinks them by the score
He loves his bottles more and more
He even likes them on the floor
Faro-la, faro-li!

Now here's a pair of newly-weds
Faro-la, faro-li!
With love and kisses in their heads
Faro-la, faro-li!
Tonight there's only he and she
Just one and two, as you can see
But very soon they may be three
Faro-la, faro-li!

The wine tonight is nobly blessed
Faro-la, faro-li!
By such a lady and her guest
Faro-la, faro-li!
To them a toast, come drink with me
That they may ever happy be
And may they live eternally
Faro-la, faro-li!