Unhappy Hour

In his highball a mickey was slipped
But why was he picked for the crypt?
So he sped around town
Then dropped dead, and fell down
Poor guy! Dirty trick got him R.I.P.ped.

Edmond O'Brien downs a spiked drink in D.O.A. (Rudolph Maté; 1950).

Hurry Rundown

Hungover? That booze had a kick
Laid low, not just woozy, but sick
For your killer you search
Willy nilly, you lurch
There's no time to lose--tick...tick...tick...

 Before he dies, Edmond O'Brien must find out who "murdered" him in D.O.A. (Rudolph Maté; 1950).

New Year's' Eve of Destruction

All through New Year's these clowns have been drinking
And the booze they have downed got them stinking
Wine they poured was so "Gooood..."
Both had more than they should
And in ooze now they drown, slowly sinking.



The Monster (Glenn Strange) drags Dr. Niemann (Boris Karloff) down into quicksand in House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944).

Here's wishing all of you a happy, not crappy New Year!

Little Lady in the Lake

How crippled the line of his thinking...
One dip and the tiny girl's sinking
Where'd he get the idea
When he met young Maria--
Was Ripple the wine was he drinking?

Boris Karloff and Marilyn Harris in Frankenstein (James Whale; 1931). James Finn Garner slam dunked the title.

Western Schwing

When Ella, her guns drawn, is winking
The swells in this one-horse get thinking
Her shorts have such shape
They down quarts as they gape 
This belle star's hot buns lead to drinking.

David Cairns

Ella Raines in a publicity shoot for Tall in the Saddle (Edwin L. Marin; 1944).

Cornell Liquor

He knows a quite a lot about drinking
His prose comes while blotto and stinking
But while bobbing afloat
Somehow novels get wrote
Writing flows as the bottles keep clinking.

David Cairns

Alcohol figured into both the life an fiction of Cornell Woorich.

The Face On the Barroom Florida

Spring Breakers were throwing a bash
And business was raking in cash
The Governor snoozed
As college crowds boozed
When health is at stake, why act rash?

Looks like local officials have acted to finally close beaches in Florida, stepping in while the state's Governor (seen above, with the Pres) dithered and refused to take charge. A phrase comes to mind...something about a barn door?

Beach Blanket Bimbo

A Jersey shore gal named Sharona
spent break with her pals in Daytona.
She drank and she kissed,
perhaps swam where they pissed,
and now she's contracted corona.

Dan Shea

Dan Shea is a West Virginia writer who often writes about his conflicted relationship with Appalachia. Also, a movie he wrote, Dreamkatcher, drops VOD 4-28-20. Watch the trailer, here.

The Hooch of Frankenstein

Our monster’s now deep in the sauce
What’s left of his brain’s a dead loss
Though served smokes and pottage
He burns down the cottage
--If I were the monk, I’d be cross.

Paul Truster

The Monster (Boris Karloff) and the hermit (O.P. Heggie) party hearty in Bride of Frankenstein (James Whale; 1935). Franken-Fridays is fit as a fiddle.

Baby's Just Cold Outside

 

Miss Fromsett does not appear jolly
Her drama could blot out the holly
But after some grog
She'll laugh and you'll snog
This bomb's Santa's hottest tamale.

Adrienne Fromsett (Audrey Totter) eyeballs the camera, aka Philip Marlowe, in Lady in the Lake (1947), a Christmastime film noir. Title by lukewarm Donald Benson. Happy holidays to all from the gang at LimerWrecks.

Frankie-Panky

To his friend the big lunk lifts his glass
Elbows bend, soon he's drunk on his ass
He's been blue but he'll find
That a true love is blind
In the end, by his bunk, they hold mass.

The Monster (Boris Karloff) enjoys a happy moment in Bride of Frankenstein (James Whale; 1935). Here's to Franken-Fridays!

Monster Smashed

As drunk as a lord, swilling scotch
This flunky's therefore not nop-notch
He'd have liked a gin rickey
But he's spiked with a mickey
Hits the bunk, where he snores, leaves a blotch.
 

David Cairns

Dr. Pretorius offers the Monster ( Boris Karloff) a knockout cocktail of House of Lords whiskey in Bride of Frankenstein (James Whale; 1935). Title by smashing Donald B. Benson.

Souse of Frankenstein

The mummy sips only that tea
While Dracula's choice is Type B.
The monster's not choosy;
If you offer booze, he
Will grunt "What you drink fine with me!"

Donald B. Benson

Boris Karloff hits the sauce in Bride of Frankenstein (James Whale; 1935). Franken-Fridays is loaded...with limericks.

Handle With Kharis

Once deceased, on the verge of collapse By high priests he's been urged to take naps For some hair of the dog Though such fare he will slog At the least hum a dirge or play taps. Lon Chaney Jr comes for the tana and stays for the strangling: The Mummy's Ghost (Reginald Le Borg; 1944); With Frank Reicher.

Breaking the Chaney

Lon's dismayed, he's a lunar-made thing
He's afraid what the future may bring
Mogul a-holes pinch pennies,
No more "A" roles, no Lennys…
A cascade of good hooch dulls the sting.

Larry Talbot and Lon Chaney contemplate their future in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (Roy William Neill; 1943).

Moonshine For the Misbegotten

They pay him to murder by rote
The player prefers to emote
As limping old lunk
He simply gets drunk
Essaying a perf that's one note.

Lon Chaney Jr. slogs through one of the Mummy films. Who can tell which one? Title by ill-gotten Donald B. Benson.

Tana-Tea-Totalled

He's gimpy, but hot to embrace her
He limps from dry rot, but he'll pace her
In a rut, but not slowing  
Just what keeps Lon going?
Put simply, a shot and a chaser.

Lon Chaney Jr and Ramsay Ames in a still for The Mummy's Ghost (Reginald Le Borg; 1944). Title by David Cairns, like totally.

Roles Out the Barrel

As Talbot, was Lon often stinking?
Did he brawl as the Monster while drinking?
Was his dipso addiction
An Egyptian affliction?
Or did Alucard spawn glasses clinking?

David Cairns

What monster didn't Lon Chaney Jr. play? The above refers to Chaney in the following roles for Universal in the 1940s: Lawrence Talbot, aka the Wolf Man, Frankenstein's Monster, the Mummy, and Count Alucard, aka the son of Dracula. Says David, "Trying to cram in all of Lon's great horror roles. I think I broke my shoehorn."

Lush Hour

 

The Mummy's a mega step down.
A dummy, a leg-dragging clown.
The non-speaking role
Wounds Lon to the soul.
In rum by the keg he will drown.

Lon Chaney keeps mum in The Mummy's Ghost (Reginald Le Borg; 1944). Chaney silently trudged through three Mummy films.

Spillage of the Damped

Lon sweats under lamps and a spot
On sets he gets cramps when he's hot
His will starts to melt...
Would kill for a belt!
He bets he's so damp he could rot.

Is this Lon Chaney, cooling his head on the set in 1944? Title by Donald B. Benson, not wet behind the ears.