Wednesday, December 31, 2008

New Year's Heave

Tonight on this 'amateur night'
the vodka is chugged by the flight
Then shots full of jello
and stomachs say "Hello!"
while clutching the porcelain tight

Arey, Arey-Ola Free!

On Facebook, that modern Who's Who
Areolas are now a taboo
If you must affix
Your breast-feeding pics
That circle must be out of view

Read all about it, here

Sweet Dreams

Say good bye to Maurice Lenell
On Harlem they no longer sell
Their cookies so sweet
Right there on the street
Chicagoans mourn this death knell

Burstin' Burris's Bubble

Yo, Roland, you're goin' to D.C.
I know 'cause I saw it on T.V.
Your time's finally come
Too bad it came from
A governor who is so sleazy

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Ann Savage, R.I.P.

Don't detour and don't hitch a ride
or headlong with fate you'll collide
Step into the shoes
of a corpse and you'll lose
Don't pick up this chick or you're fried

Actress Ann Savage starred in Edgar G. Ulmer's fleabag 1945 noir classic Detour (above). Her final film was Guy Maddin's My Winnepeg (below), released just last year.

For a review of Detour at Noir of the Week, click here, and for a video memorial to Savage at the same site, including some great interview clips, go here

Edd Cartier, R.I.P.

An artist of humor and grace
at home in a swamp or in space
The great Cartier
alas, passed away
A master fantastic, an ace

Edward Daniel Cartier passed away
on Christmas Day.

According to pulp historian Anthony Tollin,
“Edd was one of the all-time greatest pulp
illustrators, legendary for his whimsical work
on John W. Campbell's Unknown and Astounding
Science Fiction
and 800 illustrations for The
Shadow Magazine
. He also drew stories for
Street & Smith's Red Dragon and Super-Magician

“The favorite artist of Astounding editor John
W. Campbell and writer L. Ron Hubbard, Cartier
also illustrated the beloved Hoka tales by Poul
Anderson and Gordon R. Dickson, and stories by
John D. MacDonald, Isaac Asimov, Henry Kuttner,
L. Sprague de Camp, Clifford D. Simak, Walter B.
Gibson, Lester Dent and many others."

Monday, December 29, 2008

Croesus' Pieces

As banks took a downward fail-spin
executives faced a win-win
Who cares about bad debts?
They'd covered their assets
to taxpayer's bailout chagrin

Bailed-out banks paid their execs
$1.6 billion
in bonuses, salaries and
benefits last year.
Read the story here

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Face The Muselix

When donors of organs drop dead
to surgeons their corpses are sped
The skulls they will bury
but faces they carry
and stick on some other guy's head

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Hip Hop Hopeless

Too much of the rhyming in rap
is moon/Juney, sing-songy pap
Trite 'gangstas' crave riches
and bling toting bitches
but need a thesaurus...oh, snap!

Friday, December 26, 2008

Eartha: C'est Si Gone

A really cool cat was Ms. Kitt
No mold was there that she would fit
A dancer, chanteuse,
Cat Woman to Bruce
And sex appeal that wouldn't quit

Norm Knott

Kitt and Caboodle

In voice oh-so-naughty thought stirs
asked Santa, her baby, for furs
Red hot Eartha Kitt
a girl who had "it"
and kittenish grow-ls and purrs

Surly Hack

Speed the Plows

Icy side streets are prone to cause spills
and out of control Coupe de Villes
Just take it real slow
till plows move the snow
and meanwhile let's update our wills

They seem to be running out of money to buy salt and
to plow the streets in Chicago. In "The city that works",
this could be grounds for revolution.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Auld Lang 'stein

The night before Christmas and lo
the castle was buried in snow
A monster was stirring
as engines were purring
and lab machines started to glow

A bearded guy carried a sack
Not Santa, but Igor, hunch-back
His bag, full of brains
was covered with stains
from heads he had given a crack

As lightning continued to build
the doctor was tickled, then thrilled
He said, "It's alive!"
(I love Colin Clive)
and opened the bubbly he'd chilled

But Doc, who had wanted a son
would soon find his plans were undone
For Igor, the cad
used a brain that was bad
Though he and the monster had fun

On Christmas the cold castle air
was warmed by a torch's red glare
The monster, when singed
became quite unhinged...
and hung Ig by the chimney with care

Words and art © 2012 Hilary Barta; Color: Jason Millet

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Not Even a Louse

'Twas the night before Christmas, '08
and Bush wasn't sleeping so great
What swirled in his head,
Iraqi war dead?
Or zero approval job rate?

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Frigid O'Shaughnessy

I feel like a frozen fillet
and snowdrifts are blocking my way
I'm chilled to to the bone
so posts I'll postpone
I'll wait for a limerick sleigh

Monday, December 22, 2008

Nothing to Sneeze At

There once was a guy named Man Braxon
who owned things he never paid tax on
That son of a bitch
was so goddamn rich
he bought the nose off Michael Jackson

This concludes our unofficial Comic Book Week
here at Limerwrecks. The above panel is from the
feature Star Pirate in Planet Comics, possibly
drawn by Murphy Anderson.
You can find the entire story here

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Thing Out

Through swampland and and backwater bog
they slip and they seep and they slog
Once man, now a thing
these heaps leave a ring
in sinks and in drains they're a clog

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Rhyme of the Ancient Sub-Mariner

Prince Namor swam up from the deep
and fought to the last axis creep
This undersea royal
then fell for a goi-l
though she wasn't one of his peeps

One of comics' first anti-heroes, the Sub-Mariner
is a fascinating character
. Sure, Prince Namor
fought the Nazis and the Japs, but he was
at war
with all of the

Friday, December 19, 2008

Human Torch Song

Come listen to my Human Torch song
That hothead can't sit on a porch long
Unlike normal guys
he can't fantasize
because he ends up with a scorched thong

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Holy Batcavity!

The comics sell muscles and sex
in print and in your multiplex
Their Freudian fights
in skin hugging tights
pad coffers of boardroom execs

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Id's Superman!

First doffing their civvies and specs
buff heroes flaunt muscles and flex
Then hot in pursuit
in cape and red suit
of villains with spandexy pecs

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Don't Tread On Me

Addressing Iraqi press corps
the Pres dodged requests from the floor
Then ducking a pair
of flying footwear
he wished he had missed Iraq war

Monday, December 15, 2008

Slash and Spurn

I've no stomach for horror film tales
where entrails fill buckets and pails
When gore on the screen
vents literal spleens
my intestinal fortitude fails

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Shop Till You Drop--Dead

A frenzy of holiday shopping
occurs when the prices start dropping
They bust down the doors
at discounted stoes
and trample to death without stopping

A Wal-Mart worker was trampled to death by a crazed
mob of shoppers on the post-Thanksgiving 'Black Friday'.
No doubt they were all doing their best to stimulate the
economy. Read about the story here

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Red Hot Seat

Don't step in a bottomless pit
Its bottom you won't want to hit
Straight down you will drop and
your butt will not stop
until on hot lava you sit

Friday, December 12, 2008

Bye, Bye, Bettie

Way back in a different age
this brunette with bangs was the rage
The gal became cult
and the end result
was everyone loved Bettie Page

Hung Frankenstein

Mad doctors assisted in labs
by Misses make passes and grabs
It's Frankenstein fact
that frauleins distract
from monsters they've strapped onto slabs

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Don't Spare The Rod

With seats in the Senate for sale
corruption has reached a new scale
The Rod should be fryin'
but due to George Ryan
he can't get the hot seat in jail

Executions in Illinois were put on hold by the state's
previous Governor, George Ryan, before he was
convicted and thrown in jail for corruption.
Never a dull moment!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Do You Take This Maniac?

Ol' Bluebeard collected eight wives
all whom had the time of their lives
But soon they were gored
when Bluebeard grew bored
and used his collection of knives

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

That Sinister Burge

For cops who from badges have strayed
no justice, not even delayed
They tortured and walked
and nobody talked
The 'Blue Wall' is a shameful parade

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Desire Under The El's

Oh, "Stella!" cried Stanley Kowalski
T. Williams' he-manly guy-fallski
This coarse, hirsute brute
is hot in pursuit
of sisters to throw against wall-ski

This concludes Stella week. Thanks for
putting up with our indulgence!