The night before Christmas and lo
the castle was buried in snow
A monster was stirring
as engines were purring
and lab machines started to glow
A bearded guy carried a sack
Not Santa, but Igor, hunch-back
His bag, full of brains
was covered with stains
from heads he had given a crack
As lightning continued to build
the doctor was tickled, then thrilled
He said, "It's alive!"
(I love Colin Clive)
and opened the bubbly he'd chilled
But Doc, who had wanted a son
would soon find his plans were undone
For Igor, the cad
used a brain that was bad
Though he and the monster had fun
On Christmas the cold castle air
was warmed by a torch's red glare
The monster, when singed
became quite unhinged...
and hung Ig by the chimney with care
Words and art © 2012 Hilary Barta; Color: Jason Millet
8 comments:
The horn blows at midnight quite clear
Good King What's His Name drains his beer
Quite silent the night
Before the big fight
'Tween Rudolph and jealous reindeer
The drummer boy bangs out a tune
as Santa flies over the moon
He drops toys and zips
past rockets and ships
and crashes on planet from Dune
His workday complete, Santa Claus
Takes time to reflect and to pause
He downs a few beers
To bed he then steers
And carloads of wood he then saws
Ms. Claus was annoyed at his snoring
for laying awake all night's boring
She crept from the bed
and out to the shed
where with all the elves she is whoring
The toys that elves make after hours!
There're some that are battery powered
Ms. Claus tries them all
The large and the small
And makes sounds just like Curly How'rd
The Elves have made many devices
to satisfy lonely wife vices
And one is so clever
just pull on a lever
and watch as it slices and dices
There's one certain fav'rite vibrator
That works like a human rotator
Just clamp it inside
And go for a ride
You'll feel like you humped the equator
Such thingies are quite habit forming
and to them North Pole wives are swarming
They kick up their feet
and generate heat
and thereby advance global warming
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