Econo-Me First

In Michigan, angry white mobs
Demand a return to their jobs
Like thick White House louses
They're sick of their spouses
And twisting their sore, aching knobs.

Zombie Flesh Easter

It's Easter, give praise, do not mourn
Your deceased savior's raised and reborn
But these dead, now alive
Open heads to survive
And will feast on your brains Sunday morn.

Pasty-faced extras lurch through Night of the Living Dead (1968). Our title is by David Cairns, and is a nod to Zombies 2, aka Zombie Flesh Eaters (1979). We're going to hell in an Easter basket for resurrecting this blasphemous limerick each year.

Wipe Out

Seems reading the news is rewarding
TP, it turns out, folks ain't hoarding
They just need more rolls
For stay-at-home bowls
It's workplace v domicile boarding.

According to in-depth investigative reporting, it appears that people are not hoarding toilet paper. It’s that they used to go to the john at work, at school, at the airport—and that rough, industrial wipe used there is on a completely different supply chain. Because we’re all at home, we’re all buying more home-style TP. Riiight.