Spew Year's Eve

New York, in Time's Square, the ball's dropping
The corks from champagne bottles popping
Through the night, fools are boozing
When it's light, they'll be snoozing
While their horrid, cold puke, crews are mopping.

When you're stepping out tonight, watch where you step! From all of us at LimerWrecks, Happy New Year!

New Year's Peeve

One more to the old year's demise,
Though its corpse isn't cold, glasses rise
On the eve of each year
We naively will cheer
Days of yore have foretold how time flies.

Al (David) Hedison and Patricia Owens in The Fly (1958). Title by not-at-all peevish David Cairns.

Blue Year's Eve

An unfortunate thing, but Hyde's kin
He's sort of your swinging, bad twin
Through no fault of this goil,
He'll assault and despoil
And cavorting, will ring the year in.

Fredric March as Edward Hyde and Miriam Hopkins as Ivy Pearson in Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (Rouben Mamoulian; 1931). Happy Be careful with whom you party.

Baby, It's Cold In Hyde

It's cold outside, sweets, let's stay in
I'm told nothing beats the ol' sin
No girl can resist
My furled furry fist
Behold my best eats-his-young grin.

Fredric March as Edward Hyde and Miriam Hopkins as Ivy Pearson in Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (Rouben Mamoulian; 1931). This was written partly in response to the outrage on social media about the song Baby, It's Cold Outside. Coercion and rape are implicit in this film. In the song it is all in your PC addled mind.

One Coarse Meal

The censor's a most proper prude
So etiquette you must include.
If Kong should be keen
On native cuisine
You can't show him chewing his food.

Donald B. Benson

King Kong (Merian C. Cooper and Ernest B. Schoedsack; 1933).

Stricken à la King

Quite a cast of behemoths is fighting
It's a blast, and extremely exciting
Jaws snapping, fists bashing!
Tails slapping, teeth gnashing!
But what's ghastly's the screaming and biting!



Fay Wray stars in the decidedly pre-Code King Kong (1933).

It's a Kong Story

A terrible monster is Kong
As horrible as he is strong.
Of course it's a pity
About New York City
But sniffing a dress? That's just wrong!

Donald B. Benson

King Kong (Merian C. Cooper and Ernest B. Schoedsack; 1933).

Santa Maybe

 

This gift-giver's not to be trusted
His liver is shot, gin-encrusted
When the booze-addled mess
Is accused of largesse
The shifty old sot is soon busted.

Art Carney stars in The Twilight Zone episode "The Night of the Meek", written by Rod Serling and directed by Jack Smight.

Ghoultide

It's Christmas and Larry's in peril
No mistletoe merry, nor carol
Not immune to the pull
Of the moon when it's full,
His business turns hairy and feral.

Lon Chaney Jr. as Larry Talbot, the Wolf Man, in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (Roy William Neill; 1943). Happy holidays to all from the merry madmen at LimerWrecks!

Pratt-Fallout

As Santa, here's William H. Pratt
A phantom, a killer, a rat
On a break being Karloff
He shakes the old snarl off
Drops pants and just chills on your mat.

David Cairns

Boris Karloff as Santa Claus, origin unknown. Possibly as promo for Karloff's TV series, "Thriller"?

The Opposite Sox

According to well-informed elf,
Two stockings now hang from the shelf.
One's cookies from Mother.
There's coal in the other.  
Young Jekyll lives here. By himself.

Donald B. Benson

Fredric March and Fredric March in a promo pic for Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (Rouben Mamolian;1931).

I Saw Mummy Dissing Santa Claus

The Mummy came over to see
Our crèche and our lights and our tree.
He said, "It's not bad,
Although it's a fad."
Perhaps it's because he's B.C.

Donald B. Benson

B.C., but not PC. Lon Chaney Jr. peeps in The Mummy's Curse (Leslie Goodwins, Reginald LeBorg; 1944).

Phantom of the Office Party

The opera ladies all bristle so
And answer his festive epistles, "No!"
"My organ," he'd write,
"Is polished and bright
And over it I've hung some mistletoe!"

  Donald B. Benson



Claude Rains and Susanna Foster in Phantom of the Opera (Arthur Lubin; 1943).

Wreath What You Sow

He's in lust with this babe, who is nice,
But accustomed to sables and ice
To rustle up cash
He does something rash
And must pay the ultimate price.



"Hot Lead and Cold Cash Outside the Law!" screams the poster for  Roadblock (Harold Daniels, 1951), a Christmas set film noir starring Charles McGraw and Joan Dixon.

Only 4 Chopping Days Left 'Til Christmas!

Uncle Fred was out chopping the tree
Soon a head he was lopping with glee
Let's face up to facts:
He's an ace with that axe
'Til we're dead there's no stopping his spree.

Illustration © 2016 Bernie Wrightson.

Some Assembly Required

A shocking but sensible treat
Caused gawking and screams on the street.
"Santa good!" Monster cried,
As he showed off with pride
A stocking containing new feet.

Donald B. Benson

The Monster attracts a crowd: Lon Chaney Jr. in The Ghost of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton; 1942).

Jingle All the Way...to Hell

She's perfect, in heat, and she's single            
But furs set this sweetie a-tingle
He turns crook to get laid,
But a schnook will get played
And it's murder he meets, not Kris Kringle.



Charles McGraw's "Honest Joe" Peters falls hard for "chiseler" Joan Dixon in Roadblock (Harold Daniels, 1951), one of many films noir set at Christmastime. Bit player Harold Landon is the bartender at Larry's Club (uncredited). Here's our previous look at a Roadblock Xmas. Our Pre-Code series will return after the holidays.

Final Bow Wow

Count Zaroff, refined, yet detested,
On safari was finally bested
But his mutts couldn't face
Such utter disgrace                      
On his carcass they dined, then digested.

Count Zaroff (Leslie Banks) meets his ignoble end in The Most Dangerous Game (Irving Pichel, Ernest B. Schoedsack, 1932).

Dangerous Gamey

Where once trod a lively T-Rex,
He hunts the survivors of wrecks
This noble-bred jerk
Has a Code-breaking quirk:
It's gunplay that drives him to sex.

Leslie Banks plays the twisted Count Zaroff in The Most Dangerous Game (Irving Pichel, Ernest B. Schoedsack, 1932).The film was shot on the same RKO jungle sets used as a playground for dinosaurs in King Kong

Kill and Be Thrilled

A trait of this beady-eyed fink
Is related to breeding, I think
The Count needs a slaughter
To mount your young daughter
To date him she'll need a good shrink.

Manhunter Count Zaroff (Leslie Banks) makes castaway Eve Trowbridge (Fay Wray)...uncomfortable in The Most Dangerous Game (Irving Pichel, Ernest B. Schoedsack, 1932).

Rite of the Hunter

His game doesn't walk on all fours
He famously stalks his amours
The foreplay is strange
When his quarry's in range
He aims, then he shoots, and he scores.



Kinky Count Zaroff (Leslie Banks) uses the hunt to achieve arousal in The Most Dangerous Game (Irving Pichel, Ernest B. Schoedsack, 1932).

Twice-Strolled Trails

Fay Wray has some narrow escapes
And evades the most harrowing scrapes
In the very same swamp
She did merrily romp
With the greatest and rarest of apes.



Fay Wray changes her hair, but runs through the same jungle with both Joel McCrea in The Most Dangerous Game (Irving Pichel, Ernest B. Schoedsack; 1932), and Bruce Cabot in King Kong (Merian C. Cooper, Ernest B. Schoedsack; 1933). Trailblazing title by Donald B. Benson.

The Hound Zaroff

This nut to the castle was born
He struts, fires a blast, blows his horn
The sound calls his pack
Of hounds to attack
With those mutts you won't last until morn.

Count Zaroff (Leslie Banks) hunts The Most Dangerous Game (Irving Pichel, Ernest B. Schoedsack, 1932). Title by film hound David Cairns.

Count Stalkula

Count Zaroff, a screw loose, is bent
This czarist pursues by the scent
He stares at his prize
And there in his eyes
Is ardor and lewd-ish intent.



Leslie Banks and Fay Wray play The Most Dangerous Game (Irving Pichel, Ernest B. Schoedsack, 1932).

People Will Stalk

Leslie Banks, with a scar on one cheek
Plays a crank called Count Zaroff, unique
Chasing Jo-el McCrea
But his goal is Fay Wray
This wanker ain't far off a freak.

David Cairns

Banks, Wray, and McCrea in a still from The Most Dangerous Game (Irving Pichel, Ernest B. Schoedsack, 1932). Title by Donald B. Benson, a people person.

ReHabeas Corpus

Dead men who get sticky and wormy
Make censors get sick and quite squirmy
"Most Dangerous Game"
 Got changed all the same
After mending with trick taxidermy.

Donald B. Benson, Surly Hack, and David Cairns

One of Count Zaroff's trophies in The Most Dangerous Game (Irving Pichel, Ernest B. Schoedsack, 1932). Shots of stuffed human bodies were cut from the film.

Chomp Change

Move quickly through moss-cushioned bogs
Past thickets, across giant logs
In the jungle you race
As a hunter gives chase
'Til the sicko is tossed to the dogs.



Joel McCrea and Fay Wray star in The Most Dangerous Game (Irving Pichel; 1932). The film was shot at night on the King Kong Skull Island jungle sets. Title by the titles champ, Donald B. Benson.

Numbskull Island

In this jungle where Kong used to groom,
Men are running headlong through the gloom 
A mad count there takes aim,
Shoots, then mounts them as game
To be hung in his wrong trophy room.

In The Most Dangerous Game (Irving Pichel, Ernest B. Schoedsack, 1932), Fay Wray and Joel McCrea race through RKO's lush jungle sets also used for Skull Island in King Kong.

You're Going the Kong Way

The bog you flee through seems familiar
Dark, foggy, all gloom, getting hillier
You're off track by a mile,
Wind up smack on Skull Isle
As some dogs and a loon try to kill yer.

 David Cairns

Fay Wray and Joel McCrea flee in The Most Dangerous Game (Irving Pichel, Ernest B. Schoedsack, 1932). The familiarity for Miss Wray is that the film was shot on the jungle sets of Skull Island and King Kong.

Cull Island

You're shipwrecked! A storm blew your mast away
What a gyp! You're now formally castaway
On a fateful, star-crossed isle
Where natives are hostile
Like this pipsqueak, abnormal, who'll blast away.

David Cairns



Fay Wray, Joel McCrea and Leslie Banks play The Most Dangerous Game (Irving Pichel, Ernest B. Schoedsack, 1932).

Unwelcome Matt

In this gruesome and moody film shocker
These two must elude a loon stalker
At their plight they're surprised
Though they might have surmised
They were screwed when they viewed his big knocker.




Top: Oscar 'Dutch' Hendrian, Leslie Banks, Noble Johnson, Fay Wray and Joel McCrea in The Most Dangerous Game (Irving Pichel, Ernest B. Schoedsack; 1932). Noble Johnson plays Ivan, henchman to Count Zaroff. From the IMDb: African-American movie actor and producer Noble Johnson was born on April 18, 1881, in Marshall, Missouri. In 1916 he founded his own studio to produce what would be called "race films", movies made for the African-American audience, which were ignored by the "mainstream" film industry. The Lincoln Motion Picture Co., which was in existence until 1921, was an all-black company, the first to produce movies portraying African-Americans as real people instead of as racist caricatures.

A Total Count

A marvel at raising an eyebrow,
The scarred one's amazed you don't die now
Though you're chased and pursued
He shows taste, never crude
Chez Zaroff it pays to be highbrow.

David Cairns



Count Zaroff (Leslie Banks) hunts The Most Dangerous Game (Irving Pichel, Ernest B. Schoedsack, 1932).

Scaradouche

He keeps on caressing his scar
The creep's an obsessive-bizarre
He seeks human prey
(He's freakish that way),
And steeps heads of guests in a jar.



Leslie Banks and Fay Wray in The Most Dangerous Game (Irving Pichel, Ernest B. Schoedsack, 1932). The head is being marinated for mounting as a hunting trophy. During WW1, Banks sustained an actual facial scar, here covered by his beard.

Little Bela to Go See

At terror they're swell and endearing
Their pairing fans welcome with cheering
Though on posters he's pasted,
Here Lugosi is wasted
She's just scared because Bela keeps leering.

Boris Karloff and Bela Lugosi get top billing in Black Friday (Arthur Lubin; 1940). However, when Karloff decided to switch leads, Lugosi lost a starring role, and was given a small, thankless part as a gangster. Title by our go-to guy, Donald B. Benson.

Gobble 'Til You Wobble

A meal that is fit for a witch
Like veal, but a little more rich
The main course, McGuffin,
Has brains for the stuffin'
She'll squeal for a bit of baked Hitch.

The Man You Chew Too Much? William Castle, Jean Arless and friend celebrate Thanksgiving.