R.I. P. Tony Curtis

In Spartacus togs or a dress
he smelled the sweet smell of success
His accent was "foddah"
for critics but what a
career Tony had nonetheless

R.I.P. Arthur Penn

A Miracle Worker has died
his Left-Handed Gun from him pried
Among little men
walked big Arthur Penn
the guy who shot Bonnie and Clyde

Read Penn's obit here.

R.I.P. Abbey Lincoln

Some jazz singers scat willy-nilly
while busily gilding the lily
But Abbey would swing
like breezes in Spring
and flow free and easy like Billie

Chicago born jazz singer, actor and activist Abbey Lincoln died on August 14th. Billie Holiday was her greatest influence. Learn about the great Ms. Lincoln here and here.

R.I.P. George Blanda

Coach Halas thought George wouldn't stick

but Blanda could still pass and kick

For sixteen more years

he made it quite clear

no mind did he pay to Time's tick

George Blanda played professional football as quarterback and kicker for 26 seasons, retiring a month shy of his 49th birthday.

Automatic Response

The gun nuts all thought they would dig her
A .45 bust? What a figure!
But when they peruse
her very short fuse,
her temper, they find, is hair trigger

Gam Bit

Some legs just seem never to end

thin pins of the type that will send

your typically hale

and healthy young male
to crawl on all fours 'round the bend

Norm


Legs Benedict

But others like curvier gams
preferring those hourglass ma'ams
Voluptuous gals
to so inclined males
have legs that will pass their exams

Surly


Betty Grable's famous WW2 era pin-up.

Spree Speech

Her pie-hole was always unzipped
and from it the gossip just dripped
Convicted of slander
the judge said, with candor
that duct tape would keep her tight-lipped

Bard Copy

He thinks someone murdered his dad,
that suitor of mom is the cad
To gather the proof he
starts acting all goofy
The rub is, he might just go mad



Strange Illusion (Edgar G. Ulmer, 1945). Edgar G. Ulmer's low budget update of Hamlet stars Jimmy Lydon, film's Henry Aldrich. Lydon plays a jive-talking teen feigning insanity to investigate the murder of his father. His best lines are "What's mixin', vixin? Been missin' my kissin'?" Image source: Film Noir Photos; Lost in the Frame.

Gun-Play Date

A femme fatale playing the field
A flatfoot betraying his shield
A short lover's spat,
retort from a gat...
The potter's field coffin was sealed



Lee J. Cobb is a cop gone wrong for no-good girl Jane Wyatt in The Man Who Cheated Himself (Felix Feist, 1950). That's right, I said Jane Wyatt as the femme fatale! She's said to be terribly miscast--and just plain terrible. John Dall is Cobb's brother who is also a straight arrow cop.

Ave Maria...Montez

The islanders worship a snake
Volcanoes are starting to shake
A girl's next of kin,
Her High Priestess twin,
Is doing a quick double-take.


Hail King Cobra! Maria Montez stars in the delirious tropical Technicolor fever dream that is Cobra Woman (Robert Siodmak, 1944). In the mood for evil twins? Lookee here. Image source: filmfanatic.org; The Exploding Kinetoscope;

Thunder Road Hog

O'er Tennessee back roads he rode
For revenue cops never slowed
While crooning the theme
his tires would scream
a tank of white light lightning his load


Super cool Robert Mitchum runs moonshine on Thunder Road (Arthur Ripley, 1958). His younger brother James plays his brother and mechanic. Image source: boozemovies.com; Out of the Past;

R.I.P. Claude Chabrol

To look at French films as a whole

one must not forget Claude Chabrol
He made a beaucoup
(that's more than a few)

of thrillers, both chilling and droll

Norm and Surly

R.I. P. Kevin McCarthy

There's one film to which he's attached

in which there are pods being hatched

From such an invasion

there was no evasion

In fact, now McCarthy's been snatched!

Grease Monkeyshines

He takes a look under her hood
and likes what he sees, as most would
This bashful mechanic
goes into a panic
Too late he finds out she's no good


Mickey Rooney doesn't get what Dianne Foster sees in him in Drive a Crooked Road (Richard Quine, 1954), scripted by Blake Edwards. Rooney gives an uncharacteristically subdued and terrific performance in the film. Image source: Noir of the Week.

Seven Second Itch

A study suggests that most men
will think about sex now and then
That ev'ry few seconds
a fantasy beckons
I know, it just happened again

Fi-D'oh!

He'd bark as he'd crouch on his knees

and lift up his leg next to trees

The guy was a cur

who tore out his fur

when biting his body for fleas

--Surly Hack

I Say Ye Neigh

The critics have called the cast feckless

Said casting a horse had been reckless

The reason it flops

is skimping on props

in staging production of "Equus"

Actually, the way the horse is looking longingly at that riding crop, this still is probably from a production of "The Mare-quis de Sade".

That Ain't Hay

Before his T.V. show as born

This star was both broke and forlorn

With nary a cent

to pay his stall's rent

the young Mister Ed turned to porn

All Points Bullet-in the Face

Commanding the Highway Patrol
Chief Matthews is ready to roll
He barks a "Ten-4!"
puts pedal to floor...
Some bad guys aren't paying their toll!



Beefy, gravel-voiced Broderick Crawford was Chief Dan Matthews on Highway Patrol from 1955 to 1959. The best part of the show came at the end of each episode. Tough guy Crawford would sit on a desk and address the viewers directly, asking them to tune in next week with a pithy warning about safety: "Until then, remember: leave blood at the Red Cross, not on the highway." Or: "The clowns at the circus are real funny. But on the highway, they're murder." Here's an earlier limerick on Crawford in Highway Patrol. Photo source: highwaypatoltv.com.

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The Eye Has It

The CBS logo got tipsy

and thought it was starring in"Gypsy"

Despite sponsor's pleas

she did a strip tease

and ratings went high in Poughkeepsie

Shame That Tune

Its novelty loses its sizzle
but hip hopping Rap fails to fizzle
The rhymes are a stretch
that cause one to retch
I trust that you shizzle my nizzle