Sappy Go Lucky

Most men are surrounded by sorrow
Except those that live for tomorrow
Though walking last mile
these optimists smile
Their rose-colored specs we should borrow

However, I am a bit leery
of dolts who are overly cheery
Be positive, yes
but life is a mess
And sometimes the world's downright dreary

This life can be good--I'm all for that
When bad, though--one can't just ignore that
Turn frown upside down
you'll look like a clown
Candide, you'll be stepped on as doormat

Unhitching Post

"Till death us do part" is some vow
Who knows how they'll feel years from now?
Forever's a lot
and so marriage knot
is noose for some fellas and frau

Me: It's What's For Dinner

While some eat just fruit, tossing peal
some swallow whole hog, even squeal
If omnivores chew
whatever they view
Do mirrors reflect their last meal?

Dunce Caption

Oh, why won't they leave me alone?
They tap both my email and phone
But what I most dread
is them in my head
So that's why my hat's a foil cone

Catholicked

For what must this sinner atone?
I've wronged, but just how is not known
Which sin? I must learn
or in hell I will burn
I'm trapped in a guilt Twilight Zone

Slower, Pussycat! Chill! Chill!

One day at a time is the key
to life that is peaceful and free
When bill after bill
builds stress that can kill,
it's Zen or a murderous spree

Nearly Departed

A poor narcoleptic named Fred
was taken by strangers for dead
When Fred came around
six feet under ground
he asked, "Was it something I said?"

Undercovered

Palooka Joe's jaw hid in shirt
and Pigpen was covered by dirt
The Shadow's disguise
was clouding mind's eyes
Clark Kent doffed glasses and shirt

Write and Wrong

To write is to face the blank screen
creating what no one has seen
Unless you're a hack
with only a knack
for crap that has already been

Pistol Whipped

Gun owners declare there's a right
to handguns in case of a fight
"If everyone's armed
then none will be harmed"
So why do we all live in fright?

To gun nuts all candidates cater
Pro gun control? You're freedom hater!
“Militias” of one
have right to a gun
Shoot first and don’t ask questions later

Return to Gender

At Munden's, a divey space bar,
more guys drank than women by far



So Foody, on bender
threw genders in blender
Now psyches of all bear a scar



To read this online Munden's Bar comic story for free, click here 
Please note: The link is currently not working.

Picture Bookie

The comics have ruined my brain
Just text now is hard to sustain
Love Lone Wolf and Cub
but here is the rub:
Bill Faulkner is far too much strain

Terminal Disease

Computers will ruin your eyes
and won't do a lot for your thighs
We sit and we stare
at cancerous glare
while reading blogged rumors and lies

Leap of Faith

Life through colored glasses is viewed
so vision of faithful is skewed
They're mob that can't stop,
so over they drop,
'cause lemmings ignore altitude

Jack Kamen, R.I.P.

Jack Kamen's cute girls would all tease
the husbands in horror E.C.s
These weak guys would kill
their wives who were shrill
then die of twist-ending disease



Al Feldstein, who wrote all these tales
delighted in murdering gals
He ended the lives
of sooo many wives...
was Bluebeard a hero of Al’s?

Night of the Writing Dead

There isn't a thought in my head
I think that my brain's gone to bed
But here I still write
a rhyming word byte
I sure hope I stop when I'm dead

(Rhyme) Schemes of a Limerick Fiend

These limerick things are a pain
Write one, and they stick in your brain
Their sing-songiness
will make you obsess
All else from your brain will just drain

Isaac Hayes, R.I.P.

Soul stylist in class of his own
Zak Hayes had a deep, booming tone
Wrote "Soul Man" at Stax
and hits for more acts
With hit theme to Shaft stood alone

Roads Collar

A chase movie is "The Big Steal"
With noir figures behind the wheel
Bob Mitchum, Jane Greer,
Bill Bendix in rear
Around highway corners they peel

There's dough that's been stole but from whom?
To know what goes on, don't presume
There's turns and there's twists
And exchange of fists
While through Mexico they all zoom

Jane Greer and Robert Mitchum star in The Big Steal (Don Siegel; 1949)

Faster, Pussycat! Swill! Swill!

How fast can I write one of these?
Quite fast, if you ask, pretty please
It's like fire drill
but content is nil
A case of no forest, just trees

Getting To Be A Rabbit With Me

Next to me a young man did sit
He wanted to converse a bit
He asked "What do you do?"
I told him I drew
"You mean like Bugs Bunny and shit?"

(This exact response has happened to me twice and once to someone else that I know)

Inky and the Sprain

A nervous cartoonist named Hil
once inked with a quivering quill
His hand had the shakes
which led to mistakes
And also caused many a spill

Bottle of the Sexes

Together wine and women go
Historically, this has been so
The French have been blessed
For they make the best
My favorite is Brigitte Bordeaux

Going Down?

Some deep holes are dug in the ground
and some are more voids, quite profound
The worst to be in
will suck you and spin
You'll know when you hear flushing sound

Goon Over Miami

When zombies climb out of their trench
the Goon bashes skulls with a wrench
A "Knife to the eye!"
Is pal Frankie's cry
He'd sucker-punch Dame Judi Dench*



Art by Surly Barta; colors by Jason Millet.The Goon is the creation of Eric Powell, and is published by Dark Horse Comics.
*Okay, a more appropriate line would have been "Their job: Clean up lonely street's stench", but that makes the Goon sound like Dragnet.