Cavemansplaining

His peers only turn up their snoots
His theory they spurn, think a hoot
The hive-minded fools
From ivy league schools
Will fear what he'll learn as a brute.

The Neanderthal Man (Ewald André Dupont; 1953). Professor Groves (Robert Shayne) presents his crackpot theory that Neanderthal man was more intelligent than 'modern man' because Neanderthals had bigger brains. Throwback Thursday is getting hairy.

Gort-Sighted

This alien bot reigns supreme
Obey, or be shot by its beam
Instead of two eyes
One deadly surprise
The ray from its slot is a scream.

Gort (Lock Martin) does his thing in The Day the Earth Stood Still (Robert Wise; 1951). Title by Mr. Roboto, Donald Benson.

The Morris, the Merrier

Cops hunt the once criminal Blackie,
And Runt, his diminutive lackey
With charades and disguises,
Blackie trades in surprises
Pulls stunts that are winning and wacky.



Chester Morris played Boston Blackie in a series of 14 films for Columbia. George E. Stone played his sidekick, the Runt in all but the first and last of the entries. Richard Lane was the long-suffering Inspector Farraday. Kent Taylor later played Blackie on TV. Title by terrier Donald Benson.

The Ripe Stuff

He carries a curse as he trudges

Be wary, he's nursing deep grudges 

This old fart cannot speak

But his parts sometimes creak

Prepare! Nothing's worse than this drudge is.  

Cowboy star Tom Tyler as the ancient Kharis in Universal's The Mummy's Hand (Christy Cabanne; 1940). Donald B. Benson, title-stuffer

Bridal Cower

Romance treads the bumpiest road
What chance have these chumps doctors sewed?
It's mad to play cupid 
This badly, it's stupid
One glance and the dump will explode.

Colin Clive, Elsa Lanchester Boris Karloff, and Ernest Thesiger in Bride of Frankenstein (James Whale; 1935).

The Wages of Fin

Tainted gore from a primitive fish
Grants this bore ev'ry timid man's wish:
To be changed from a wimp
To deranged, macho chimp
So he'll score with this limp, luscious dish.



Arthur Franz transforms into The Monster on the Campus (Jack Arnold; 1958), and carries off poor Joanna Moore. Title finessed by Donald Benson.

The Day Her Heart Stood Still

It seems she's been dating a drip
He's scheming and grating, unhip
She lands someone new
The handsome Klatuu
A dreamboat who rates a big ship.

Hugh Marlowe and Patricia Neal in The Day the Earth Stood Still (Robert Wise; 1951).

Charlie Chan is Missing

Warner Oland's a bloated old wreck
The production is floating towards heck
What new player Caucasian
Could portray a screen Asian?
Peter Lorre as Moto's on deck.

Maxie Rosenbloom, Peter Lorre, and Keye Luke in Mr. Moto's Gamble (1938). The script was originally written for Charlie Chan at the Ringside starring Warner Oland. But Oland's failing health stopped production, his footage was scrapped, and the script was rewritten for Peter Lorre's Mr. Moto series. Tuesday is Sleuthsday at LimerWrecks.

Being an Unsound Mime

He putters around in the night
Mouth shut, won't expound or recite
He'll swat any dame
Who's not his old flame
This nut has been bound far too tight.

Kharis (Lon Chaney) throttles Jane Banning (Mary Gordon) in The Mummy's Tomb (Harold Young; 1942). Title by Donald B. Benson, mime-stopper.

The Couch of Frankenstein

They sit side by side, he's excited
But his jittery bride's not delighted
He quivers, all mush
She gives him the brush
That's it--monster pride's been ignited.

Elsa Lanchester and Boris Karloff don't make a love connection in Bride of Frankenstein (James Whale; 1935).

Going Ape, Man

 

Between primate and scientist split,
Awful crimes this ape-guy does commit
Frankenstein might explain
Why a spine he must drain,
Why he climbs up so high, picks a nit.

Bela Lugosi and Minerva Urecal in The Ape Man ( William Beaudine; 1943).

Gort is in Session

From the skies comes this chap who destroys
Lifts his visor and...Zap! Look out, boys!
All your tanks and your rifles
Quite frankly, are trifles
Which he fries like cheap scrap metal toys.

Gort the robot disintegrates the soldiers' weapons in The Day the Earth Stood Still (Robert Wise; 1951). Donald Benson thort up the title.

Gorts and All

 

This robot will scare off your pants
No foe has a prayer or a chance 
It's an army of one
Does more harm than your gun
When he glows, best beware of his glance.

Gort (Lock Martin) emerges from the saucer in The Day the Earth Stood Still (Robert Wise; 1951).