Mommie Queerest

Who was Lizabeth's date to the prom?
Was it Izzy or Nate...maybe Tom?
It was someone or other
Though it wasn't her mother
Gee whiz, she's too straight for her mom!

Lizabeth Scott with Mary Astor, her onscreen mother, in the overheated Desert Fury (Lewis Allen; 1947). 

From wikipedia:
Film noir expert Eddie Muller wrote, "Desert Fury is the gayest movie ever produced in Hollywood's golden era. The film is saturated - with incredibly lush color, fast and furious dialogue dripping with innuendo, double entendres, dark secrets, outraged face-slappings, overwrought Miklos Rosza violins. How has this film escaped revival or cult status? It's Hollywood at its most gloriously berserk."

Econo-Me First

In Michigan, angry white mobs
Demand a return to their jobs
Like thick White House louses
They're sick of their spouses
And twisting their sore, aching knobs.

Zombie Flesh Easter

It's Easter, give praise, do not mourn
Your deceased savior's raised and reborn
But these dead, now alive
Open heads to survive
And will feast on your brains Sunday morn.

Pasty-faced extras lurch through Night of the Living Dead (1968). Our title is by David Cairns, and is a nod to Zombies 2, aka Zombie Flesh Eaters (1979). We're going to hell in an Easter basket for resurrecting this blasphemous limerick each year.

Wipe Out

Seems reading the news is rewarding
TP, it turns out, folks ain't hoarding
They just need more rolls
For stay-at-home bowls
It's workplace v domicile boarding.

According to in-depth investigative reporting, it appears that people are not hoarding toilet paper. It’s that they used to go to the john at work, at school, at the airport—and that rough, industrial wipe used there is on a completely different supply chain. Because we’re all at home, we’re all buying more home-style TP. Riiight.

Commander-in-Grief

By Easter we'll all go to work
Concerns about hygeine we'll shirk
So screw public health!
It's all about wealth!
At least to this orange-skinned jerk.

The Spin Doctor Is In

The Pres will deflect, and deny
And make up his "facts"on the fly 
But that doesn't work
In a crisis, you jerk
When getting it wrong means folks die.

In a press briefing on the covid-19 pandemic, the President had the following exchange with a reporter.
"What do you say to Americans who are watching you right now who are scared?"
"I say that you are a terrible reporter, that's what I say."
The Pres accuses the press of sensationalism, but never aknowledges his own habitual lying and seeming inability to play it straight.

Roll Play

Americans now work from home
Though store shelves for TP they comb
But watch what you touch
Like doorknobs and such
Or your town will end up like Rome.

Americans hoard toilet paper as COVID-19 spreads. 

The Face On the Barroom Florida

Spring Breakers were throwing a bash
And business was raking in cash
The Governor snoozed
As college crowds boozed
When health is at stake, why act rash?

Looks like local officials have acted to finally close beaches in Florida, stepping in while the state's Governor (seen above, with the Pres) dithered and refused to take charge. A phrase comes to mind...something about a barn door?

Beach Blanket Bimbo

A Jersey shore gal named Sharona
spent break with her pals in Daytona.
She drank and she kissed,
perhaps swam where they pissed,
and now she's contracted corona.

Dan Shea

Dan Shea is a West Virginia writer who often writes about his conflicted relationship with Appalachia. Also, a movie he wrote, Dreamkatcher, drops VOD 4-28-20. Watch the trailer, here.

Covid-45

This virus will test our humanity
And some folks will turn to Sean Hannity
How many will die
'Cause Trump likes to lie,
Spew nonsense, alt-facts, and profanity?

William Wray

Exclamation Points of Interest

First worry, concern, then hysteria!   

This virus spreads fear like malaria!

In Rome, empty strada 

None stroll through Granada

And bierhalls are closed in Bavaria!

Baths of Glory

The wise will seize each opportunity
To bolster their native immunity;
They’ll do what they oughter
With soap and hot water
For their sake and all the community.

Paul Truster

Sean Connery looks annoyed on the set of Diamonds are Forever (1971).

Disease Unease

We're faced with a horrible virus
With effects that are far from desirous
Before it expands
Start washing your hands
And maybe the stuff won't expire us.

Ava Gardner demonstrates proper personal hygeine.