My Bare Lady

When Lady Godiva went riding
She displayed dreamy thighs she'd been hiding
At the bombshell a creep
Name of Tom took a peep
I'm afraid with no eyes he'll need guiding.


Maureen O'Hara lets down her hair as Lady Godiva of Coventry (Arthur Lubin,1955). In this version of the tale, Peeping Tom is blinded by Victor McLaglen's flaming torch. Title by pallid rider David Cairns, whose write-up of an earlier, silent film version of the story inspired this limerick. You'll find it here at his blog, Shadowplay.

Destiny's Child Custody Battle

Of Fate we're all deathly afraid
'Cause our bed has already been made
And in it we'll lie
Till the minute we die
And the date has been set for the fade.

Bernhard Goetzke as Death, with Lil Dagover in Destiny (Fritz Lang, 1921). The original German title is Der müde Tod, "Weary Death".

Pariah Scary

He's skewed by an inner compulsion
A sinner who's viewed with revulsion
His acts are so hideous
So black and perfidious
The Berliners pursue his expulsion.

David Cairns

Peter Lorre doesn't like the verdict in M (Fritz Lang, 1931).

Anti M

This slasher is killing the kinder
His acts are political tinder
The criminal class
Puts a crimp on his ass
So their cash in the till he can't hinder.


Peter Lorre stars in M (Fritz Lang, 1931). Title by David M Cairns.

Drac in Black

Looking spooky and luridly ashen
She's pursuing a prurient passion
Going on the attack
She'll be donning all black
In the ghoulish couture that's her fashion.


That goth girl in the gallows get-up is Gloria Holden, aka Dracula's Daughter (Lambert Hillyer, 1936). The title is by that gruesome grammarian, David Cairns.

Ladies Night of the Living Dead

Count Dracula's dastardly daughter
Went back to the castle he bought her
Lips parted to bite,
She partied all night,
Attacking the cast like he taught her.


Gloria Holden is Dracula's Daughter (Lambert Hillyer, 1936). Title by resident ladies maniac David Cairns. Image source: This Island Rob.

One-Arm-Missing Link

Together by life they've been tossed
Forever in strife they'll be crossed
One was tried, one was not
But they're tied in a knot
And the tether's the wife Kimble lost.


Fugitive Fridays features Bill Raisch and David Janssen, seen here in the show's final, color drenched season. Image source: The Fugitive blog.

Coffee Breakdown

Her fury is sizzling hot
It''ll burn Marvin's criminal blot
When she trots out the java
It's a shot of hot lava
As, in turn, Grahame gives him the pot.


Gloria Grahame and Lee Marvin feel The Big Heat (Fritz Lang, 1953). Next week, Lang's German roots and a few of his silent films.

Psy-Co-Habiting

Who can know what another might think
To what low a new lover could sink
From childhood what pain
Runs wild in their brain,
Earning dough for some mother-trained shrink.


Michael Redgrave and Joan Bennett in Secret Beyond the Door (1947), Fritz Lang's late entry in the 1940s Freudian fad. Title by Doctor of Psycho-ology, David Cairns.

His & Hearse

When next you are due to be wed
Run a check on your suitor instead
Look into his past
And the sins he's amassed
Those selected for woo might get dead.


Joan Bennett and Michael Redgrave in Fritz Lang's Secret Beyond the Door. Title by the easily engaged David Cairns.

Burning Down the Spouse

In the basement he's buried it deep
But the secret he's carried won't keep
She searches their house
To learn if her spouse
Is a freak...and she married the creep!



His secret, exploring, she'll learn
By giving the doorknob a turn
But the woe that she'll find
Will blow Joanie's mind
And she might end up stored in an urn.

Joan Bennett finds the Secret Beyond the Door ( Fritz Lang, 1947), a visually dense Freudian update on the Bluebeard story.

My Staking Identity

How pleasant to meet Prof Van Helsing!
Vampirology's resident wellspring.
With his bible and cross
He's the ghost-slaying boss
Omnipresent dispatcher of hell-things!

David Cairns


 Edward Van Sloan as Van Helsing, and Bela Lugosi as Dracula (1931).

Chilly Count Carnage

Count Dracula's cold and he's clammy,
Has an accent, is overly hammy
For a rascal so crafty  
His castle's too drafty
He should pack up and go to Miami.


Bela Lugosi is Dracula (Tod Browning, 1931), and this is Vampire Weekends. Title by Chef-Destroyardee, David Cairns.