The Miss Fits

Transfixed, like the camera’s gaze
their eyeballs all lustfully glaze
The lost little filly
that drives them all silly
is one of the misfits and strays




Clark Gable, Marilyn Monroe, Mongomery Clift and Eli Wallach in John Huston's The Misfits (1961).

Blondes Have More Funds

Some office girls hired to take notes

take sable and mink home as coats
But most cut their losses
whenever their bosses
just won't take their hands off their throats

Sugar Kane Mutiny

The prince and the showgirl on sleeve

the asphalted jungle might leave
But clash by night junkie
had business with monkey
and seven year itch about eve

There are 7 Marilyn Monroe film titles contained in the

limerick above. Some titles are partial or slightly altered.

Limerick Of No Return

Like misfits at bus stops who shove
don't bother to knock, let's make love
Love happy Niagara
prefers blonde Viagra
When some like it hot, oven glove

Norm and Surly

8 Marilyn Monroe film titles are contained in the
limerick above. Some titles are partial or slightly altered.

Say It Ain't So, Monroe

A slugger, the Yank, Joltin' Joe
was hit by woo pitched by Monroe
The stuff that she served
was pleasantly curved
Though game she decided to throw

Omission Admission

AP photo
When telling his senate seat tale
seems Burris “forgot” a detail
His testified gaps
are more than a lapse
What Roland left out was a sale

Chimplicit

Once star for Old Navy and Coke
a chimp had become an old joke
Domestic disputes
with primitive brutes
all end with a gasp and a choke

A pet chimpanzee and former commercial
performer named Travis savagely attacked
a friend of its owner and was shot by police.
Earlier in the day the chimp had been given
the anti-anxiety drug, Xanax.
Read the story, here

Blonde, Dame's Blonde

The studio’s sent a new script
and through it I’ve already flipped:
A buxom dumb blonde
who seems rather fond
of having her dresses unzipped

It’s always the very same part
A bimbo, no brains, but all heart
Another star turn
for much more I yearn
Oh, why can’t I play someone smart?

I long for a really deep role
I’m thinking this Shakespeare’s my goal
Or some obscure play
way, way, off Broadway
As long as I don’t wear a stole

Sex comedy, romance and thriller
this Hollywood fluff is all filler
But Jewish New Yorkers
write prize-winning corkers
Perhaps I’ll work under Art Miller

Beached Wail

Oh, gee! I'm alone on a beach
At least that guy's hand's out of reach
Though I'd never choose
these horrible shoes...
I'm thinking I'll stop and buy bleach


Welcome to the Marilyn Marathon at Limerwrecks

The Importance of Being Ernest T. Bass

In love with a backwoodsy lass
a-courtin’ came Ernest T. Bass
No chocolates or roses
or knee bended poses
just rocks and the breaking of glass


And on that romantic note, Mayberry week is
plumb tuckered out. Y'all come back now, hear?

Pissaunt

When hearing the voice of Aunt Bee

The same thought returns unto me

That desperate warble

Makes me feel so horr'ble

She sounds like she needs to go pee

Norm Knott

Bee's Wheeze

Some voices hit all the wrong keys
Consider the sound of Aunt Bee’s
A wavering noise
which sometimes annoys
Both grating and cute by degrees

Surly H

On Slasher and Vixen

The boys are all horny at camp
and every last girl is a tramp
And guess who is bumping
off those who are humping

It’s Jason, that axe-wielding scamp

It's Friday the thirteenth, and once again

it's the Friday The Thirteenth franchise

and an apparently endless slaughter of

randy teenagers at camp Crystal Lake.

I miss Allan Sherman and Camp Granada.

Urine the Jailhouse Now

Pissed, Otis Regrets

Each night all the booze that he drank
got Otis so drunk that he stank
A bladder of pee,
he hadn't the key,
and pissed himself, locked in the tank.

He woke in his cell, cold and stinking
And soaked, told himself he’d stop drinking
As damp chilled his pants,
pink elephants danced
and croaked “What the hell were you thinking?”