Bored of Health

She witnessed a sight so traumatic,
her symptoms are psychosomatic
Her state catatonic
he'd like to make chronic,
forsaking his oath Hippocratic

Vincent Price, Lynn Bari and Anabel Shaw in Shock (Alfred Werker, 1946). Image source: vincentprice.org; Dvd Beaver

Malpractice Makes Perfect

Intending to keep her confined,
he pretends she is out of her mind
With his mis-diagnosis
and insulin doses,
she'll end six-feet deeply reclined

Vincent Price doctors murder witness Anabel Shaw in Shock (Alfred Werker, 1946). Image source: Bear strong; vincentprice.org; Dvd Beaver

Shock Doc

A witness to murder’s in shock
She sits on her couch like a rock
But when she recovers
it’s then she discovers
the killer she saw was her doc




Vincent Price, Annabel Shaw and Frank Latimore in Shock (Alfred Werker, 1946). Image source: Dvd Beaver; vincentprice.org

Invisible Gripes

Invisible dudes are inclined
to visions of ruling mankind
Their parts disappearing
they start domineering
Out of sight, they go out of their mind



I'm not sure what Nan Grey sees in Vincent Price when The Invisible Man Returns (Joe May, 1940). Image source: Vincentprice.org. The title of this limerick is a play on another film. Who can name that movie?

The Price Was Right

With velvet-toned voice so unique,

both terror and joy he would wreak

With eyebrow arched so,

the horror show pro

kept tongue planted firmly in cheek

Actor and horror film star Vincent Price was born on this day in 1911, one hundred years ago. We trust you are enjoying this Vincentennial tribute to the horror icon. Image: From the episode "The Deadly Dolls" on Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea.

One-Armed Manic

Consider one more also-ran,
and pity the poor one-armed man
He killed Kimble's wife
and he runs for his life,
from the fire right into the pan

After killing the wife of Richard Kimble, the One-Armed Man (Bill Raisch) had to run one step ahead of The Fugitive.

Disappearing Nightly

As invisible man number two,
his visage had vanished from view
It's kept from the screen,
excepting one scene,
when Vincent made horror debut

John Sutton, Nan Grey and Vincent Price in The Invisible Man Returns (Joe May, 1940). If there ever was an actor who could create a vivid character though his expressive voice alone it was Price. Price loved radio, lending his mellifluous tones to such shows as Suspense and Mutual Radio Theater, as well as playing The Saint for several years. To listen to these and other radio shows and recordings by Price, go to vincentprice.org.

Invisible Man-ia

As invisible man’s heir apparent,
poor Vincent finds madness inherent
Appearances cease
and egos increase
An illness that's fairly transparent



Nan Grey, John Sutton and some of Vincent Price's clothing in The Invisible Man Returns (Joe May, 1940). Many consider this Price's first horror film. Image source: vincentprice.org; The Horror Incorporated Project. The Vincentennial is an event being held in Saint Louis through May 28.

Carpenter Rants

His character's nothing but bad
He's terribly selfish--a cad
Uniquely soft-boiled,
he's weak and he's spoiled,
and he cares not a whit nor a tad



Production stills from Laura (Otto Preminger, 1944): Vincent Price (Shelby Carpenter) and Judith Anderson (Ann Treadwell).

The Killer Effete

These vermin will only degrade her
Like a pearl before swine they'll parade her
An object so fine
belongs in a shrine
I know, she is mine, for I made her



Clifton Webb plays a prissy Pygmalion to Gene Tierney's gorgeous Galatea. With Vincent Price and Dana Andrews in Laura (Otto Preminger, 1944). Image source: Moon in the Gutter (top); Filmfanatic (above).

Gene Genie

Her painting and death are mysterious
They make the detective delirious
It sucks that she's dead
'cause she's stuck in his head
His case of the Lauras is serious



Dana Andrews, Vincent Price, Clifton Webb and Gene Tierney in Laura (Otto Preminger, 1944). I'd rank Laura as the best film that Price ever appeared in--with Leave Her to Heaven a close second--though neither is a 'Vincent Price film'. Describing his forties work, critic David Thomson wrote that the actor "...was required to be effete, caddish, insolent, malicious, or weak." He's certainly caddish and weak as Laura's fiancé. Here's an earlier limerick on the detective's obsession with Laura.

There's Waldo

Her suitors seem perfectly fey
Does this cutie prefer them that way?
V Price is a reb
And C Webb's a celeb
But she chooses that perv Dana A.

David Cairns

Vincent Price as Southern writer and gigolo Shelby Carpenter, Clifton Webb as newspaper columnist Waldo Lydecker, Dana Andrews as police detective Mark Mcpherson, and Gene Tierney as their dream girl, Laura (Otto Preminger, 1944). "Perv" because McPherson falls in love with the portrait of a murder victim.

French Stickler

Escaping a fry on death row,
the fugitive tries to lay low
But eluding Gerard
has been proving quite hard--
like Valjean with Javert long ago

Fugitive Fridays gets literary. The Fugitive's Richard Kimble (David Janssen) and Lieutenant Gerard echo Jean Valjean and Inspector Javert in Les Misérables. Norm Knott and I tossed around quite a few names for this limerick: To the Victor goes the Hugo; In Gendarmes Way; Gendarmey of One; The Boys in Cordon Bleu; Chat and Mousse...

In Deed I Do

A man whose ambitions were great
laid plans that were big and first rate
Why steal something small
when you might get it all?
James Reavis tried stealing a state



Okay, so it was the 1880s and still a territory. Based on an amazing but true story, James Addison Reavis (Vincent Price) forges records and documents in an elaborate scheme to become The Baron of Arizona (Sam Fuller, 1950).

Wyckyd

A haughty and wicked patroon,
He sought his cute cousin to spoon
When his wife up and dies,
Van Ryn eyes his prize...
And he ought to be spooning her soon.

Vincent Price (as Nicholas Van Ryn) and Gene Tierney in Dragonwyck (Joseph L. Mankiewicz, 1946). This was Price's first taste of the Gothic. The film's haunting melody is "Creole Lullaby" by Alfred Newman. Image source: Doctor Macro.

Price Gouger

The masterful thespian Price
Whenever he's nasty it's nice
Pursuing such meanery
he chews on the scenery
He's a ham, and an extra thick slice

Welcome to our Vincentennial tribute to horror film star Vincent Price. I'm not being critical. Price's performances were perfectly in tune with the material.

The Gremlin Letter

We weren't joking about the technical difficulties we mentioned last Friday. Since Thursday, limericks have disappeared, then reappeared without comments. Some limericks didn't post when scheduled, others didn't post at all. And apparently the gremlins are still at it. Something very weird is going on around here.

Russian Rhapsody (Bob Clampett, 1944), aka Gremlins from the Kremlin.

Wait'll You See My Digit!

In her unitard covered in scales,
she's cruising for love-hungry males
Disguised as a nurse,
the guys she'll coerce,
by using her Lee Press-On Nails



Salome Jens hypnotizes men with her fabulous fingernails from the future in Terror From the Year 5000 (Robert J. Gurney Jr, 1958). Cheesy ads for "Lee Press-On Nails" once blanketed TV. If you weren't subjected to them like I was, feel free to substitute "lovely long nails."

Defacing the Future

When her future Earth gets off the rails,
this mutant and femme fatale bails
She first steals a face,
then searches the place
for useful and non-deformed males

Terror From the Year 5000 (Robert J. Gurney Jr, 1958). Even though she looks sexy in the leotard in the poster, Salome Jens looked pretty hideous as the mutant future woman. Hideous, that is, until she applied a stolen face and disguised herself as a nurse.

Excuse us, we seem to be having technical difficulties with the site.

Morse's Code

Kimble's wanted for slaying his spouse
And a cop's playing cat to his mouse
Gerard's driven, obsessed,
and won't give it a rest...
His job makes him act like a louse

Barry Morse was Lt. Philip Gerard, hot and bothered on the trail of fugitive Richard Kimble. Image source: DVD Beaver. Fugitive Fridays is still running.

R.I.P. Dolores Fuller

As Barb she had problems with men,
who bothered her now and again
One eye on her sweater,
some guys tried to pet her--
Especially cross-dresser, Glen

Delores Fuller as Barbara and Ed Wood as Glen or Glenda (Ed Wood Jr., 1953). Fuller also appeared in one-time boyfriend Wood's Jail Bait and Bride of the Monster, as well as such films as It Happened One Night and The Blue Gardenia. A songwriter, Fuller wrote many songs for Elvis, and others were recorded by Nat Cole and Peggy Lee.

Hideous Slinky

In need of a gene-pool deep-cleanse,
for seed comes the she-thingy Jens
The dudes of her time
are mutants, sub-prime,
so this Barbie hunts breed-worthy Kens

"From Time Unborn..A Hideous She-Thing!" Salome Jens in Terror From the Year 5000 (Robert J. Gurney Jr, 1958).

Schlock Exchange

It dates from the year fifty-eight
And man, does this dud ever date
A time machine journey
that died on the gurney
Salome Jens' legs though, are great



Terror From the Year 5000 (Robert J. Gurney Jr., 1958). Get it? It died on the Gurney. Above: Jens in a still for Angel Baby (1961); Below: Promo still of Joyce Holden. We posted a limerick on the very same film earlier this year and called it Future Schlock.

Terror From The Year 1958

This dud was a waste of a lens
A budget was spent in the tens

Though out and out crap,

what kept me enrapt

was stunning young Salome Jens

Terror From the Year 5000 (Robert J. Gurney Jr, 1958). Actress Salome Jens played the generically named "future woman" and "nurse."

Let George Chew It

My brother is dead, but comes back
He's some sort of B-level Drac
A double for me
on a bloodthirsty spree,
and brother, I'm getting the flak



George Zucco plays good and bad twin brothers brothers in the PRC B horror Dead Men Walk (1943). His sidekick is Dwight Frye. Image source: The always entertaining Monster Movie Music.

A Double on the Rocks

Some maniac's wearing my face
This stranger has taken my place
He's stolen my wife,
my dog and my life,
invading my personal space

A bifurcated Barry Nelson stars in the made in Puerto Rico noir, The Man with My Face (Edward Montagne, 1951).

Near Death House

Their date in the death house was planned
Then fate moved its heavy left hand
His charge in the wind,
Gerard was chagrined:
He'd take him again or get canned


Fate spared The Fugitive but Lieutenant Gerard (Barry Morse) would not relent. Fugitive Fridays continues on Limerwrecks.

Shrink Rap

An expert at head-shrinking pairs
this doctor contrasts and compares
But solving their riddle
gets stuck in the middle
where sisters are putting on Ayres

Above: Psychologist Lew Ayres analyzes twin Olivia de Havillands in The Dark Mirror (Robert Siodmak, 1946). Below: de Havilland, director Robert Siodmak and Ayres (Image source: A Certain Cinema).