Quantum Leap frog

The frog is a catcher of flies
Its tongue is a sticky surprise
But living in France
increases the chance
its legs will be Frenched with some fries


Top: Cartoon by Sam Gross for National Lampoon; Above: Panel from "The Gourmet", drawn by Berni Wrightson. Written for Plop! by Steven Skeates, the story was directly inspired by the Gross cartoon.

Hare Today, More Tomorrow

The bunny has plenty of hop

but doesn't quite know when to stop
He's so over-sexed
when done, he calls "Next!"
Who knows to how many he's "Pop"?

© Jim Siergey 2010

Easy Reaper

So long to the great Dennis Hopper
The bad-boy of film's come-a-cropper
Cut short by John Wayne
he snorted cocaine
and rode around high on a chopper

Art © Jim Siergey 2010

Dennis the Menacing

Original "Method" man Hopper
survived time as alky pill-popper
to then never fail
to give great portrayal
becoming authentic show-stopper

R.I.P. Dennis Hopper, 1936-2010

Gary Coleman, R.I.P.

He tried to be one of the guys
Tried looking them all in the eyes
To say life is short
is making cruel sport
Try cutting yourself down to size

Crocodile Schlock

There once was a crotchety croc
that sunned ev'ry day on a rock
Cousteau, on a jet-ski,
too close, got it wetsky
so crocodile chomped on the Jacques

Art © Jim Siergey 2010

Giraffe Gaffe

On hearing a joke, the giraffe
starts clearing its throat for a laugh
Forgetting a note
to get from its throat
takes nearly an an hour-and-a-half

Art © Jim Siergey 2010

Hippo Replacement

Make way for a hot hippopotamus
Not little, it's more a whole lotamus
To keep itself cool
it jumps in the pool
and soaks from its top to its bottomus

Art © Jim Siergey 2010

Elephanticide

An elephant never forgets
and lives a long life of regrets
It drags a big trunk
around in a funk
and listens to self-help cassettes

Art © Jim Siergey 2010

Hair Bawl

The lion is proud of his mane

He struts about utterly vain

And to a shampoo

this King bids "adieu"

He'll not wash his hair down the drain

Words and art © Jim Siergey 2010

A Spotty Situation

Poor leopard all covered with spots

His nerves are all tied up in knots

A monkey with pencil

in tail so prehensile

just won't stop connecting the dots

Thus opens the cage to a savage week of Animal Limericks. There will be no need to alert the SPCA. No animals will be hurt, only good taste. Words and art © Jim Siergey 2010

Double for Nothing

Twin sisters will give you the blues
Or drive you to drown in the booze
Date boyfriends in pairs
Play musical chairs
'Til one takes a permanent snooze.



The former Nancy Drew grows up. Bonita Granville plays twins in The Guilty (John Reinhardt; 1947), a low-budget B based on a novelette by Cornell Woolrich. Here are links to two reviews of this noir murder mystery. The first is at Noir of the Week, the other a less than favorable comparison of film to story at Mystery File. 

Twin Bilge

Identical sisters confuse
One's good and the other's bad news
But which one is which?
The babe or the bitch?
It's a case of the terrible twos



"Twins! One who loves...and one who loves to kill!" Olivia de Havilland was reflected in The Dark Mirror (Robert Siodmak, 1946). This is our second crack at this terrific psychological thriller about twin sisters. Read the first one here.

It's a Wonderful Life Sentence

There's plenty of fun to be had
for men in a bachelor pad
Fast women and cars
Hot jazz in the bars
This Pottersville isn't so bad


Swinging single Jimmy Stewart gets Gloria Grahame in the alternate reality It's a Wonderful Life (Frank Capra, 1946). What else is the Pottersville sequence but a film noir nightmare?

Side Ways

I went for a walk on the side
where sin and temptation reside
I did something rash
I'm loaded with cash
and running with nowhere to hide


Side Street (Anthony Mann, 1950) reunited Farley Granger and Cathy O'Donnell from They Live By Night, and co-starred James Craig as a memorably oily and vicious thug.

They Love by Night

Two innocents out for a ride
They're hardly a Bonnie and Clyde
The two become one
and find on the run
the love they have both been denied


They Live by Night (Nicholas Ray, 1946-9), starring Farley Granger and Cathy O'Donnell, was Nicholas Ray's debut as director, and the first adaptation of Edward Anderson's terrific novel, Thieves Like Us. Top: Screen capture from Only the Cinema.

Down and Out of the Past

From gallows a shadow is cast
It's looming from out of the past
Though time we will borrow
like there's no tomorrow
they're moments we know will not last

Jane Greer stops running in Out Of The Past (Jacques Tourneur, 1947). Screen cap: FilmsNoir.net

Wheel of Misfortune

You're tired but won't hit the sack
Ahead lies a road that is black
The past in the mirror
won't get any nearer
It's fate, and there's no turning back


Tom Neal is shadowed by a flashback in Detour (Edgar G. Ulmer, 1945). The highway in the opening credits recedes: It's the road left behind, the past that is lost forever. Another Noir Week is thumbing a ride.

Beyond the Norman

Post-Psycho there followed a flood
A torrent of knock-offs and blood
No match for the master
they're each a disaster
But don't blame Sir Al for the crud



The enormous success of Psycho in 1960 paved the way for many lesser imitations. One of them was Homicidal (William Castle, 1961). The Couch (Owen Crump, 1962) , Strait-Jacket (Castle, 64) and The Psychopath (Freddie Francis, 1966) were all written by Robert Bloch, who wrote the source novel for Psycho. Psycho Week has checked out of Limerwrecks.

Fly by Nightmare

He's really a sweet, gentle guy
He wouldn't hurt even a fly
But at his motel
please lock your door well
or Norm might drop in and say "Hi."


Anthony Perkins in Psycho (Alfred Hitchcock, 1960).

Arbogasp

A private detective was hired
To find what had lately transpired
He climbed up the stairs
Was caught unawares
And found that his license expired.

Martin Balsam as P. I. Milton Arbogast, whose investigation is cut short in Psycho (Alfred Hitchcock, 1960). This limerick and it's title were inspired by the blog Arbogast on Film.

Bates Waits

You dragged her and all of her junk
and dumped the whole mess in the trunk
But then, in the muck
the car became stuck
You sucked on your thumb till it sunk


Anthony Perkins gets nervous in Psycho (Alfred Hitchcock, 1960).

Once a Lear

This writer of nonsense did worse:
He championed limerick verse
His wordplay and rhyme
ahead of his time
has left me a terrible curse

Happy birthday, Edward Lear. Lear's 1846 volume A Book of Nonsense popularized the limerick as a form of poetry. His most famous piece of nonsense is The Owl and the Pussycat. Both the limericks and illustrations at the top and which follow are all by Lear. I thought the first limerick might be hard to read, so I've transcribed it here:

There was an Old Man with a beard, who said "It is just as I feared!--
Two Owls and a Hen, four Larks and a Wren,
have all built their nests in my beard!"


There was an Old Man of the Coast,
Who placidly sat on a post;
But when it was cold he relinquished his hold,
And called for some hot buttered toast.


There was an Old Man on some rocks,
Who shut his Wife up in a box:
When she said, "Let me out," he exclaimed, "Without doubt
You will pass all your life in that box."

Dressed to Spill

Relieving his day-to-day stresses
this mamma's boy likes to wear dresses
And whiles away hours
by taking cold showers
and mopping up horrible messes

Psycho (Alfred Hitchcock, 1960)

Crane Shot

Have pity on Marion Crane
who stopped to get out of the rain
She chatted with Norm
and planned to reform
but all of it went down the drain


Janet Leigh washes away her sins in Psycho (Alfred Hitchcock, 1960).

R. I. P., Frank Frazetta

As fantasy's great patron saint
he lusted and muscled in paint
His figures were grounded
with pulses that pounded
Like Rubens without the restraint


Frank Frazetta, 1928-2010. Frazetta is arguably the most influential fantasy artist in history. The line about Rubens is from an article in Newsweek of many years ago. Below: A self-portrait.

R.I.P., Lena Horne

When Lena was feeling the weather
I could have been knocked with a feather
She carried a torch
with sizzle and scorch
Burned beauty and talent together


Accompanied by Cab Calloway's Orchestra, with the wind blowing through an open window, ruffling the diaphanous sleeve of her dress, there was nothing hotter that Lena Horne singing the title song in Stormy Weather (Andrew Stone, 1943). Pictured: Bill Robinson, Lena Horne and Cab Calloway.

Stare-way to Heaven

He's nervous and terribly shy
and can't look a girl in the eye
But while she undresses
his face to wall presses
and catches a glimpse on the sly

Anthony Perkins peeps in Psycho (Alfred Hitchcock, 1960). Psycho image: Film Sufi.