Halloweenie

Kids begging for candy and sweets
in costumes and masks walk the streets
So answer the door
and give, I implore
The day of the dead hates deadbeats

Mummy's Dearest

Though ancient, and wrapped in old rag
the mummy did not want a hag
He rolled up his sleeves
and burned tanna leaves
then grabbed a young gal for a shag

Trick or Treacle

It's fall and the leaves are a-falling
and soon trick-or-treaters come calling
Be they goblin or brute
their costumes are cute
Li'l Palins, however...appalling!

Scalawag the Doggerel

A peg-legged sea dog named Hank
made many a man walk the plank
He cursed and he spat
while eating roast rat
and giving his third leg a wank

Politics As Unusual

Yes, politics is a morass
most candidates lacking in class
This status quo view
has been set askew
Obama might kick McCain's ass

Witless For the Prosecution

The lawyer, approaching the bench
detected an odious stench
"Your honor," said he,

"bathe regularly...
The people might think you are French."

Quick Draw Charles McGraw

With jaw in a jut on his mug,
through noirs he would strut, a big lug.
For boss, Robespierre
he lacked savoir-faire,
and tortured poor Frenchman, le thug!*



*In The Black Book, aka Reign Of Terror (Anthony Mann, 1949), McGraw (above, far left, with Robert Cummings and Arlene Dahl) plays a henchman of Robespierrre during the French Revolution. To view an earlier McGraw limerick, click here

Wedding Bell Bruise

A puddle forms under the bed
a glistening stain, deepest red
Though vows they'd exchanged
they now were estranged
So much so, one also was dead

Levi Stubbs, R.I.P.

At Motown, with baritone chops
he reached out and pulled out the stops
His voice, sweet and rough
L. Stubbs was, sho 'nuff,
the heart and the soul of the Tops



For over four decades the great
Levi Stubbs (lower left) lead
The Four Tops. For a link to
an article on Stubbs and the Tops
that contains links to YouTube
videos of the group, click here.

Mr. Blackwell, R.I.P.

As Blackwell was laid down to rest,
his arms neatly crossed on his chest,
was his final wish
his mourners all dish
on which was the worst of them dressed?

Deep Peep

A soft-spoken midget named Mel

was trapped in a cylinder cell

He couldn't climb out

and nor could he shout

for "Help!" when he fell down a well

Dim Shot

The dark is the scariest place
You can't see your hand near your face
So when you're alone
in twilighty zone

don't spray your own face full of mace

Flimsy Filmerick

A movie will last all three acts

if first you establish the facts

Who's who, what's at stake,

and what it will take...
A car chase just simply distracts

The Grate Debate

Debating may seem a lost art
depending on who's taking part
Some folks have the chops
and some, sorry, pops
come off like a crazy old fart

That Old Gray Nightmare

In nightmares, streets wind, dark and wet
past visions quite scary, and yet
we feel right at home
with all this unknown
'cause when we awake, we'll forget

Debate and Switch

Last night, as Obama debated
McCain, around facts, deftly skated
He said he was proud
of Palin's loud crowd
despite all the hate speech they've stated

Dead, He Said

A guy who kept feelings repressed
spent life holding cards close to vest
And now the guy's dead
"I love you" unsaid
His arms folded, crossing his chest

Dream Theme

In dreams we see future and past
envisioning worlds strange and vast
But when we awake
be sure notes to take
In quicksand, not concrete, they're cast

The Fall

It's autumn and leaves are a'falling
I hear Old Man Winter a'calling
I look in the mirror
Down cheek rolls a tear
The image I see is appalling

Moo Goes There?

A cow, in the field, chews its cud
while dropping its pies with a thud
Squirts milk in a pail,
at flies, swings its tail,
just waiting around for a stud

Mob Rule

McPalin speaks--there's no holds barred
To un-incite crowds, though, is hard
Their name-calling slurs
Has stirred up tempers
Folks want 'Bama feathered and tarred

Hairy Back and Forth

A lonely sad-slacker named Larry
had back quite exceedingly hairy
To please to-be bride
Weed-whacker he tried
Tomorrow, poor Larry they bury

Closed For Despairs

It seems that the joint in now closed
The writers appear indisposed
Please make no mistake
we've taken a break
There's no hidden meaning enclosed

Fait Accompli-cated

A fella who's life was star-crossed
on cruel sea of fate had been tossed
"My future's foretold,
I will not grow old."
On gravestone his name's now embossed

Repeat After Me

Obsessive compulsives repeat
They're always, with everything, neat
If things aren’t just so
a gasket they’ll blow
Obsessive compulsives repeat

Rock of Sages

The bible says those without fault
should cast the first stone, Oy gevault!
This history lesson
is more than expression
In bible days it was assault

Bride Denied

Doc Frankenstein lived in a castle
With life and death issues he'd wrassle
Brought monster to life
and made him a wife
but added, “They’re not worth the hassle.”

Schwinn or Lose

Some bikers enjoy their commute
while sporting a tie and a suit
When to work they get
their only regret
is smelling like overripe fruit

Cubs vs. Dodgers NLDS Game 3

Though Cubs in the East were the best
they sank like the sun in the West
A choke or “The curse”?
And which one is worse?
The club wasn't up to the test

Death Watch

What happens to us when we're dead?
Some say that we rise out of bed
and floating up there
we look down and stare
at bald spot on top of our head

Squirrelly

Just why are squirrels cute and rats fink?
Does instinct decide what we think?
Do most of our views
emerge from the ooze?
Primordially thinking, we sink

Cubs vs. Dodgers NLDS Game 2

Last season when Cubbies were swept
it seemed that the team overslept
Now down 0 and 2,
is this déjà vu?
Post season the Cubs are inept

Why The Mountain Went To Mohammed

Mohammed wants his mountain near
He cries out, "Why won't you come here!?
That day you will rue
When I go to you
And kick your balls right up your rear!"

Cubs vs. Dodgers NLDS Game One

As grand slam fell over the wall
on Wrigley descended a pall
Too many walks served
by Dempster, unnerved
Let’s hope it’s a stumble, not fall

Goodbye, Newman

A cat with hot Liz on tin roof
The verdict: Fast Eddie's no goof
A cool-handed stud
Named Hombre or Hud
Thru hole-in-the-wall on the hoof

Bite of the Apple

They say that it only takes one
bad apple to ruin the fun
Ask Adam or Eve,
some fruit you should leave...
From this rotten fruit you should run!

Water Predicament

Fa la la la, fiddle-dee-dee

Veronica Lake lost her key

Her glass was half full

She spilled her Red Bull

Straight into the swirling Black Sea