Monday, September 30, 2013

Defrosted Flakes



Two characters, frozen, seemed lost
One hairy, morose, and star-crossed
One assembled from parts
His brain empty, no smarts
Now this pair of old bozos defrost.

Dr. Gustav Niemann (Boris Karloff) and Daniel the hunchback (J. Carrol Naish) discover and thaw the frozen forms of the Monster (Glenn Strange) and the Wolf Man ( Lon Chaney Jr): House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944).

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Frosty the Wolfman



When Talbot gets hit by a wave
He's called to a bitter cold grave
But he's thawed like Buck Rogers
By an odd pair of codgers
An appalling old shit and his knave.

David Cairns and Surly Hack


At the end of the previous film in the series, Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (1943), werewolf Larry Talbot (Lon Chaney Jr) was submerged in a flood, presumed drowned. IHouse of Frankenstein (1944), his frozen body is discovered by hunchback Daniel (J Carrol Naish) and his mad doctor boss (Boris Karloff).

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Ice House of Frankenstein



There's a chill 'neath this castle of lore
Where two killers, quite nasty, explore
They find beings on ice
Monstrous things not-so-nice
Which the villainous bastards restore.

In House of Frankenstein (1944), hunchback Daniel (J. Carrol Naish) and Dr. Niemann (Boris Karloff) discover what happened to the Monster and the Wolf Man when Frankenstein's Castle was flooded at end of the previous film in the series,  Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (1943).

Friday, September 27, 2013

Humped Day



With designs on Ilonka, poor Daniel
Has divined how to bonk from a manual
But his back is so bent
Like a sack of cement
He just pines like a wan cocker spaniel.

David Cairns

J. Carrol Naish is the lovesick hunchback Daniel in House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944).

Thursday, September 26, 2013

A Spine Romance



She's conventional, fine with conformity
He's a henchman with spinal deformity
So much more than a bump
It's a horrible hump
And the wench can't get by it's enormity.


Hunchback Daniel (J. Carrol Naish) has an unrequited crush on gypsy girl Ilonka (Elena Verdugo): House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944). The fine title is courtesy of David Shadowplay Cairns.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Lovesicko



At her fervid, frenetic folk dance
He gets nervous and wet in the pants
By her shrine he is pining
But his spine needs aligning
Dan with curvy brunettes stands no chance.



In House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton; 1944), hunchback Daniel (J. Carrol Naish) has a thing for gypsy Ilonka (Elena Verdugo).

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Love Among the Fluids



To the humid old ruins of Frankie
Comes a gloomy old screwball grown cranky
Plus his hunchback assistant
With a love so persistent
That in tombs he pursues hanky-panky.

Dr. Niemann and the hunchback Daniel travel to Visaria and the flooded ruins of Frankenstein's Castle. Boris Karloff and J. Carrol Naish in House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944).

Monday, September 23, 2013

Plotz Structure



The structure seems wacky, ungainly
It gets stuck tracking Dracula, mainly
But the pace starts to pick up
By erasing this hiccup
When the sucker gets whacked inhumanely.

David Cairns with Surly Hack

In House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944), each of the three monsters, in turn, gets their own story. Dracula (John Carradine) is up first, and both he and his segment fizzle when his coffin is left out in the sun.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

No-Account Dracula



The Count makes a slight fright-film return
Where the rake now each bite has to earn
Then the doc who's his boss
Gives his box quite a toss
And, awake at first light, Drac must burn.


John Carradine is Dracula in House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944). Here's an earlier lim on the  Count's demise in HOF.

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Wined and Carradined



In this drivel Count Drac gives no shiver
His uncivil attacks can't deliver
And this consummate ham
Is so fond of a dram
That he shrivels away like his liver.

David Cairns

John Carradine is Count Latos, aka Dracula, in the Universal monster mash-up, House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944).

Friday, September 20, 2013

Thin White Spook



He's a Dracula eel-like, urbane
A cruel heel who could slip down a drain
He's so svelte as a norm
That his skeletal form
Paradoxically feels like weight gain.

David Cairns

John Carradine is a suave Dracula in House of Frankenstein (1944).

Thursday, September 19, 2013

That Old Drac Magic



Retracting the usual stake
Causes Dracula, snoozing, to wake
Into service you press
The old perv in fine dress
And, lips smacking, he's soon on the make.



Dr. Niemann revives Dracula and makes him do his bidding: Boris Karloff, dapper John Carradine, and Anne Gwynne in House of Frankenstein (1944). Title by Drac-of-all-trades, David Cairns.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Carnival of Soul Suckers



This old wreck is a boffo big draw!
Spend your shekels, his coffin will awe!
But don't ever revive him
You will never survive him
On your necks Nosferatu will gnaw.

Impersonating a murdered showman, Doctor Niemann (Boris Karloff) reveals the skeleton of Count Dracula (John Carradine), in House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944). Thanks to David Cairns.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Kismet of Death



At his enemies' beds he'll attend
Many men six feet deep will descend
But to fate-come-too-soon
One who hates ain't immune
And this menace will meet a dead end.

Surly Hack with David Cairns

House of Frankenstein (1944): Boris Karloff plays Dr. Niemann, an escaped convict and mad brain-transplanter bent on revenge.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Bumped Off Your Wagon



This mad medical menace ain't healing
Brains from heads he intends to start stealing
From a horror road show
He spills gore on-the-go
His revenge leaving enemies reeling.



In House of Frankenstein (1944), Dr. Niemann (Boris Karloff) has his hunchback assistant (J Carrol Naish) murder Professor Lampini (George Zucco), then impersonates the travelling showman.In House of Frankenstein (1944), Dr.Niemann (Boris Karloff) has his hunchback assistant (J Carrol Naish) kill Professor Lampini (George Zucco), then impersonates the travelling showman.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

The Creature Walks a Mongrel



His new hound on a leash he will lead
An astounding caprice, we're agreed
There's no jumping for joy
At his lumpy Borzoi
A confounding beast/human crossbreed.

David Cairns

"Mad Doctor" Gustav Niemann (Boris Karloff), contemplates another canine-human brain transplant in House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944). 

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Heir of the Dog



This nutjob has messed with your head
One cut and you wished you were dead
The new brain he installed
From some canine was hauled
Now a mutt, you are less than well bred.

Hunchback Daniel (J. Carrol Naish) assists a mad doctor (Boris Karloff) in House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944).

Friday, September 13, 2013

Citizen Canine



The new horror Doc Niemann unleashes
Is one more of his screaming pastiches
This mad surgeon's odd plan
Is to merge dog and man
But his Corgi-brained scheme is quite specious.

In House of Frankenstein (1944), Boris Karloff stars as Dr. Niemann, imprisoned for performing a dog-human brain transplant.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Jailhouse of Frankenstein



For these fellows locked tight it's good luck
When their cellblock by lightning is struck
Now set free to cause trouble
The two flee from the rubble
And, pell-mell, in the night run amok.

In House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944), escaped convicts Daniel, a hunchback (J. Carrol Naish), and Dr. Niemann (Boris Karloff) set off on a killing spree.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Rough Dog-Sledding



His experiments, far from routine,
Are affairs which would mar Halloween
In an Airedale your brain
Is the terrier's gain,
Your three squares his Purina cuisine.

J. Carrol Naish and Boris Karloff transplant brains in House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944).

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Mutts Up, Doc?



This quack is as nuts as they get
A wacko, to mutts he's a threat
Own a wonderful pug?
Hide it under a rug
Brain extracting, he'll cut up your pet.

Boris Karloff plays mad Dr. Niemann in House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944), though this still is from Black Friday (1940).

Monday, September 9, 2013

The Wagon-y and the Ecstasy



It's a very enlightening show
Full of rare, terror sights and tableaux
You'll view horrors historic
And two gore-hounds euphoric
Plus one scary old biter in tow.



In House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944), the highlight of the travelling "Chamber of Horrors" is "The Actual Skeleton of Count Dracula the Vampire". Drac is played by John Carradine; the pair of "gore-hounds" are Dr. Niemann and Daniel, a hunchback, played by Boris Karloff and J. Carrol Naish.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Murderers' Row House



So they hijack a travelling show
It's a highway borne murderer's row
When this hunchback and doc
Start in punching the clock
People die most wherever they go.

In House of Frankenstein (1944), escaped convicts Daniel, a hunchback (J. Carrol Naish), and Dr. Niemann (Boris Karloff), a vengeance-driven madman, commandeer a travelling "Chamber of Horrors."

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Take a Hiker!



Never pick up this menacing hitcher
He's a tricky, demented head-stitcher
Nor his hunchback assistant
Necks he'll crunch in an instant
For the sick, unrepentant brain-switcher.

In House of Frankenstein (1944), travelling showman Lampini (George Zucco) is quickly dispatched by escaped convicts Dr. Niemann (Boris Karloff) and hunchback Daniel (J. Carrol Naish).

Friday, September 6, 2013

Offed On the Wagon



On historical freaks he's a scholar
From their lore this bore ekes out a dollar
But when lowlifes from heck
Start to go for his neck
The poor horror show geek starts to holler.



Travelling showman Professor Bruno Lampini (George Zucco) is quickly dispatched by escaped convicts Dr. Niemann (Boris Karloff) and Daniel, a hunchback (J. Carrol Naish) in the amusing if minor monster mash-up, House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944).

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Bobo Frets

This is Cry For Bobo, a short film written and directed by my multi-talented co-LimerWrecker, David Cairns. Enjoy.

Wag the Doggerel



On the table a fellow reclined
Niemann's patient, now well in his mind
Once insane, he's much better
With the brain of a setter
Though he may try to smell your behind.

In House of Frankenstein (944), Glenn Strange is the dumb, lumbering Monster; Boris Karloff is mad doc Gustav Niemann, obsessed with performing the first dog-human brain transplant.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Man's Best Fiend



As a surgeon, this fake is the worst
On the table folks wake feeling cursed
For their brains, in great haste,
By Great Danes' were replaced
And from toilets they're slaking their thirst.

Boris Karloff is Dr.Gustav Niemann, obsessed with the dog-human brain transplant in House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944).

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Doggie Style Council



On brains and transplanting, here's how
First restrain both a man and a Chow
Do lobectomies, which,
Reconnecting, you switch
To the strains of the band Bow Wow Wow.

Crazy Dr. Niemann diagrams a dog/human brain transplant on the wall of his prison cell:  Boris Karloff in House of Frankenstein (1944).

Monday, September 2, 2013

Dog's Body



This doc dreams of a canine brain switch
Though the scheme's quite insane, it's a stitch
You he'll make a believer
And awake, a Retriever
Your new theme and refrain "Life's a bitch!"

David Cairns

In House of Frankenstein (1944), Boris Karloff is Dr.Gustav Niemann, the criminal mastermind behind a dog-human brain transplant.

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Dr. Terrier's House of Horrier



Dr Niemann's vain, lunatic folly
Schemed to spoon my brain into a collie
He'd make everything dark
Then I'd wake with a bark
It's the dream of a goon off his trolley.

David Cairns

In a playful still from House of Frankenstein (1944), Boris Karloff as Dr.Niemann, and J. Carrol Naish as the hunchback Daniel threaten Jack Pierce, Universal's ace make up artist.