Odor to Their Greasy Turn

Two henchman, both skeevy and dumb
Each ventures out eves with his chum
As crimes they commit,
These slime-balls emit
A stench to choke even a bum.

Doctor Pretorius (Ernest Thesiger) and his odious assistants Ludwig and Karl (Ted Billings and Dwight Frye), up to no good in Bride of Frankenstein (James Whale; 1935). Title by well-turned Donald B. Benson.

Murmur Most Foul

Poor Kharis is looking like death
Or a nightmare of someone on meth
But it’s not for such harms
She lies limp in his arms—
It isn’t his looks, it’s his breath!

Paul Truster

Lon Chaney Jr. carries Elyse Knox into The Mummy's Tomb (1942).

Lass Tangles With Kharis

You can see she's a tough one, that dame--
For her bed and her board are the same! 
The mummy is stricken
He feels his heart quicken
O there’s naught like a really old flame!

Paul Truster

John Carradine, Lon Chaney Jr., and Ramsay Ames as the rapidly aging Ananka, in The Mummy's Ghost (Reginald Le Borg; 1944). Title by David Cairns, limerick-tangler.

Fight Pharoah

If you toot and come in, you'll be greeted
By the brute who's within, winding-sheeted
In his fetid embrace
You will get face-to-face
As this coot hugs your skin till it's pleated.

David Cairns

Lon Chaney Jr. and Elyse Knox pose for a production still for The Mummy's Tomb (Harold Young; 1942). Have you heard the old joke?
How do you work an Egyptian doorbell?
Tutankhamen (Toot and Come In)

Crypt Man, Wrinkled

What a mess! He's all mangy and musty
Plus distressingly strange, gray and dusty
Epidermis well-wrapped,
Is it wormy or chapped?
Those dressings need changing, they're crusty.

David Cairns and Surly Hack

The Mummy's Ghost (Reginald Le Borg; 1944) stars Lon Chaney Jr. Title by Donald B. Benson, crinkled.

The Hunchback of Nutty Drama

This bounder, this quack, necrophilic
Digging ground, hires a jackass, a pillock
This torch-wielding servant
Likes to scorch, gets quite fervent
With a mound on his back like a hillock.

David Cairns


Henry Frankenstein (Colin Clive) and hunchback Fritz (Dwight Frye) get to work in Frankenstein (James Whale; 1931). Limerick lexicon: Pillock: a stupid person.

Tannas, Anyone?

When Bey brews the tanna -- hoo-whee! --
The mummy’s compelled to come see
Though he just wants to rest
With the damned and the blest
He does love a good cup of tea!

Paul Truster

The Mummy's Ghost (Reginald Le Borg): Lon Chaney Jr. as The Mummy, and
John Carradine as Yousef Bey. Please help me welcome aboard the latest addition to our skeletal crew, Paul Truster. Title by spray-tanned David Cairns.

I Love Kharis in the Springtime

He's half lame, his breath's awful, gaze chilling
You're fair game 'cause a coffin needs filling
For his match he'll maraud
'Til he catches a broad
The poor dame is most often unwilling.

Lon Chaney Jr and Turhan Bey in The Mummy's Tomb (Harold Young; 1942). Title by spring-loaded David Cairns.

Stalk Like an Egyptian

His gait rather slow, his rags musty,
At dating he's woefully rusty. 
Disheveled, not gabby,
He's ever so grabby
The mates that he goes for are busty.

The Mummy's Ghost (1944) stars Lon Chaney, Jr. as Kharis, The Mummy, John Carradine as Yousef Bey, and Ramsay Ames as Amina Mansori/Princess Ananka. Title by celery stalker Donald B. Benson.

It Takes a Pillage

Though Kharis's tomb provokes wonder,
Beware certain doom if you plunder
When gods you offend
The odds are you'll end
In a burial room six feet under.

Cecil Kellaway, Charles Trowbridge, Wallace Ford, Dick Foran and Tom Tyler in The Mummy's Hand (Christy Cabanne; 1940). Title by pillage idiot James Finn Garner.

Handymanslaughter

Frye gets murdered by Karloff two times
Fates incurred, on a par with his crimes
He is hung up, poor goof
And then slung off a roof
So for thirds, what bizarre method rhymes?

David Cairns

Boris Karloff's Monster kills both Fritz and Karl, Dwight Frye's toadies in Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein. Image: Edward Van Sloan, Karloff, Frye, and Colin Clive in Frankenstein (James Whale; 1931).

Enter Limping

With no dearie to gaze at and shag
Kharis wearies, decays, and goes stag
From the crypt of the Bs
Comes the scripts made of cheese
And the series' clichés start to drag.

Lon Chaney staggers out of The Mummy's Tomb (Harold Young; 1942).

Wake Like an Egyptian

This Mummy's a snooze, in slow-motion
He comes when one brews him a potion
All wrinkly and dried
You'd think he had died
His bum sure could use a good lotion.

Yousef Bey (John Carradine) summons the Mummy (Lon Chaney) with tana leaves in The Mummy's Ghost (Reginald Le Borg; 1944). Title by half-awake Donald B. Benson.