Scarred For Wife

The grimmest of patchwork, but hey,
To him they're a match, wants to play
They're stiffs newly stitched
And if they got hitched
What dimwit would catch the bouquet?

Elsa Lanchester and Boris Karloff in Bride of Frankenstein (James Whale; 1935). Welcome to Franken-Fridays.

Pyramid-Life Crisis

The mummy (here played by Tom Tyler)
Guards the princess but hopes to defile ‘er.
After quaffing his swill
He sets out to kill
Can there really be anything viler?

Paul Truster



Western star Tom Tyler as Kharis in The Mummy's Hand (Christy Cabanne; 1940), before and after mummification.

Portrait of the Mummy as a Young Man

Warm evenings alongside the Nile
Tana leaves, a sweet song, a sly smile
When a tyro, young Kharis
Felt Cairo was Paris
Now he's evil prolonged, Mummy-style.

James Finn Garner



Tom Tyler as Kharis, pre-mummification, in The Mummy's Hand (Christy Cabanne; 1940). Writer Jim Garner is the host of the poetry site Bardball, dedicated to "Reviving the art of baseball doggerel."

Heat, Drink, and Be Scary

Across sands he will totter to chug
Steaming tana, this rotter's pet drug
With one sip the old goat
Gets a grip on your throat
He's a bandaged and throttling thug.

Lon Chaney Jr. has a thirst in The Mummy's Ghost (Reginald Le Borg; 1944).

Pharaohs of Outrageous Fortune

With a royal he tried to elope
But that joy was denied him, poor dope
Unburied, he trudges
And carries old grudges
Loverboy now a dried-up old mope.

Lon Chaney Jr. takes over the role of Kharis in The Mummy's Tomb (Harold Young; 1942).

Lead Pipe Clinch

Are there any LimerWrecks readers who are also baseball fans? I'm a contributor to Bardball, a site dedicated to "Reviving the art of baseball doggerel." Here's my latest limerick on the Chicago Cubs, fighting to win the National League Central Division.

Goon For the Misbegotten

An oddball abhorrent, a nerd
A model of horror, absurd
A freak who assaults
He sneaks into vaults
Steals bodies before they're interred.



Dwight Frye as Karl in Bride of Frankenstein (James Whale; 1935). Title by goon showoff James Finn Garner.

Tea Wrecks

He'll drink all the swill you can pour
A sink full, and still he'll crave more
Tastes bitter, smells funky
Can't quit--he's a junkie--
The fink licks the spill off the floor!

Tom Tyler hits the deck in The Mummy's Hand (Christy Cabanne; 1940).

That’s History and He’s Sticking to It

From epoch to era he'd flounder
Now 'Hotep--or Kharis--has found her
And though she says "no"
He knows he's her beau
So schleps here and there just to hound her.  



In The Mummy's Curse (Leslie Goodwins; 1944), Princess Ananka (Virginia Christine) is pursued by Kharis, the Mummy (Lon Chaney Jr.). Imhotep was the Mummy's name in the 1932 original. Title by sticky Donald B. Benson.

Roles Out the Barrel

As Talbot, was Lon often stinking?
Did he brawl as the Monster while drinking?
Was his dipso addiction
An Egyptian affliction?
Or did Alucard spawn glasses clinking?

David Cairns

What monster didn't Lon Chaney Jr. play? The above refers to Chaney in the following roles for Universal in the 1940s: Lawrence Talbot, aka the Wolf Man, Frankenstein's Monster, the Mummy, and Count Alucard, aka the son of Dracula. Says David, "Trying to cram in all of Lon's great horror roles. I think I broke my shoehorn."

Lush Hour

 

The Mummy's a mega step down.
A dummy, a leg-dragging clown.
The non-speaking role
Wounds Lon to the soul.
In rum by the keg he will drown.

Lon Chaney keeps mum in The Mummy's Ghost (Reginald Le Borg; 1944). Chaney silently trudged through three Mummy films.

Your Ghoul Friday

No matter the job, I'll apply
To batter and rob I'm your guy
As a boss you get raves
So let's toss a few graves!
What's that? Angry mob? Time to fly!

Dwight Frye and Colin Clive dig Frankenstein (James Whale; 1931). Title by Donald "Dwight Frye-Day" Benson.

Lover, Come Back From the Dead to Me

Our amour is forbidden, taboo!
You're too pure, I'm worm-ridden right through
I'm deceased, no Adonis
And the priests frown upon us
If you're sure, lift my lid, say "I do!"

David Cairns

Elyse Knox, Lon Chaney Jr, and Turhan Bey in Mummy's Tomb (Harold Young; 1942).