Vile-entino

Dashing Drac, quite Ted Bundy-like, hovers
First attracting then plundering "lovers"
But his business with necks
Clearly isn't for sex
His bad acts aren't under the covers.


Frances Dade as juicy Lucy and Béla Lugosi as the no-account Count in Dracula (Tod Browning; 1931). Title by erst-vile David Cairns.

Auld Lang Lines

Obsolete, overthrown in a coup,
Wipe your feet on the old, bring the new!
Though the future looks scary,
Of reviewing be wary--
Stop beating that horse, time for glue!

Happy New Year from all of us at LimerWrecks!
Illustration © 2016 Pete Fitzgerald

Donald Schmuck

That bilious flake Donald Trump
Turns villainous snake on the stump
Each word that he utters
A turd for the gutters
A millionaire taking a dump.

Piece on Earth

Some fools are completely fanatic
Each yule they send greetings thematic
Whether pistol or Uzi
(They're Christian, not choosy)
These ghouls all pack heat automatic.

Las Vegas Assemblywoman Michele Fiore posted this image on her Facebook page with the caption: “It's up to Americans to protect America." Merry Christmas, you maniacs!

Circus Maximillian

A courtesan's paid to look back
On amours she has laid in the sack
This circus-like show
Goes in circles of woe
Before it all fades back to black.

Director Max Ophüls is the ringmaster of his final film, Lola Montès (1955); Martine Carol stars as Lola. Thanks to The Late Show: The Late Films Blogathon host David Cairns, and his high-wire act at Shadowplay.

Seven Women on the Verge

A masterpiece, long thought a turkey
Ford's last sports a Mongol Mazurki
You'll explode with unease
Woody Strode plays Chinese
Two nasties gone wrong run berserki.

David Cairns



John Ford's final film is Seven Women (1966). Ann Bancroft helps missionary Sue Lyon (top) resist the advances of barbarian warlord Mike Mazurki and his cut-throat gang of warriors, one of whom is Woody Strode (above). The Late Show: The Late Films Blogathon runs all week at David Cairns' Shadowplay, celebrating late films by great filmmakers.

Cruddy Cruddy

Billy Wilder was ever-so witty
With a style that's both clever and gritty
But he made Buddy Buddy
Rather staid, fuddy-duddy
His reviled last endeavor, a pity.

David Cairns

Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau star in Billy Wilder's final film, Buddy Buddy (1981). The Late Show: The Late Films Blogathon runs all week at David Cairns' Shadowplay, celebrating late films by great filmmakers.

Pardon the tumbleweeds...

...we'll be back after we wrestle with a few personal, non-limerick related issues. Thank you for your patience.

Hare Restorer

He's mad, in the lunatic mold
Post-grad, Henchman U you're enrolled
Though deploring his habits
(Like restoring dead rabbits)
You're bad, and you do as you're told.



"Eminent biochemist" Stendahl (Otto Kruger) employs Moloch (Rondo Hatton) as his partner in crime in The Jungle Captive (Harold Young; 1945). And yes, Stendahl brings a dead rabbit back to life, with the assistance of Don Young (Phil Brown) and Ann Forester (Amelita Ward). Title by hare-brained David Cairns.

Gland Guignol

Head and hands blown up, face like a troll
'Cause a gland's going out of control
You seek Hollywood work
Feeling squalid, you lurk
And expand, growing into the role.

David Cairns

Rondo Hatton lumbers through The Jungle Captive (Harold Young; 1945). The actor suffered from acromegaly, a hormonal disorder caused by the pituitary gland, which results in excessive growth in the bones of the head, hands and feet.

Jack-in-the-Box Office

The hicks buy the tix not elites
And flicks filled with apes fill the seats
Your actress shows skin?
You're packing 'em in!
And fixed for some shapely receipts.



John Carradine and Acquanetta star in Captive Wild Woman (Edward Dmytryk; 1943), which was followed by the sequels Jungle Woman and The Jungle Captive.

The Origin of the Specious

It's a sequel so cheap it's the worst
As they cheekily replay the first
So each scene is a bore
We have been here before
We should all seek to be reimbursed.

David Cairns



Sultry Acquanetta returns as the Jungle Woman (Reginald Le Borg, 1944), a sequel spawned by Captive Wild Woman. The story told in flashback by Dr. Carl Fletcher (J. Carrol Naish), reusing footage from the previous film.

The Pituitary and the Pendulum

This maniac's great with a gland
With brains he's first rate, in demand
He cuts and transplants,
And nutso, he rants,
Explaining their date that he's planned.



John Carradine turns a gorilla into Acquanetta in Captive Wild Woman (Edward Dmytryk; 1943).