Devine Intervention

In tropical pools she went wading
On parapets proudly parading
In one desert flick
she almost got sick
from Andy Devine's serenading



"Dominican Dynamite" Maria Montez was serenaded by Andy Devine on his his ukulele in Raiders of the Desert (1941). For more photos of the inimitable La Montez, visit her fansite, here.

Bombshell on the Halfshell

Perusing an undersea dish
one chooses the freshest of fish
The flesh should be pink
and not raise a stink
This catch of the day looks delish

Model unknown; Image source: Starlet Showcase. I know, I'm going to politically incorrect hell.

The Old Shell Dame

Like shellfish too long from the sea
she smells a bit fishy to me
Her saltwater scent
assaults a poor gent
I'll ice her, and asap

Maria Montez and husband Jean-Pierre Aumont in Siren of Atlantis (1949).

Ron Santo, R.I.P.

They called Ernie Banks "Mister Cub"

but Santo could sure be his sub

He bled Cubbie Blue

(They never came through)

For Ronnie, ah, that was the rub

Camp Champ

A charmer of men and of snakes
Maria sure had what it takes
A tropical vamp,
this countess of camp
when taking a bath hit the brakes



Known as the Caribbean Cyclone, actress Maria Montez drowned in her bathtub in France at age 39. The star of many florid costume adventure films (none more over-the-top than Cobra Woman), Montez was dubbed the Queen of Technicolor. Said the diva, "When I see myself on the screen, I am so beautiful, I jump for joy." Above: Poster and publicity still for Cobra Woman (Robert Siodmak, 1944); Below: With husband Jean-Pierre Aumont in Wicked City/Hans le Marin (Francois Villiers 1949).

The Full Montez

"Exotic" Maria Montez
Her men wear a turban or fez
Does jungle queen shtick
With accent so thick
That nobody knows what she says.


Dominican-born actress Maria Montez as the Siren of Atlantis (1949), Scheherazade in Arabian Nights (1942), and as an imperious Cleopatra. Image source: Shadowplay; Doctor Macro; Scarlet Showcase. There's more Montez here.

Omission Accomplished

No stealing election from Gore
No lying to enter the war
No corporate greed
to mar a good read
It's shelved under "fiction" in store

Robert Ryan

From Noir City streets to the West
at bad Robert Ryan was best
So rugged and tough
he didn't do fluff
There's Ryan and then there's the rest.


Top: Rod Steiger, Robert Ryan and Anita Ekberg in Back From Eternity (John Farrow, 1956). Above: Publicity still from 1951. Below: Ryan battle Robert Preston in a lobby card for Best Of The Badmen (William D. Russell, 1951). That's it for our November Noir tribute to actor Robert Ryan.

Nielsen's Rating

For Leslie--and don't call him Shirley
success would come late and not early
By playing it straight
made comedy great
At least he was tops with yours surly


Actor Leslie Nielsen at Lt. Frank Drebin in the Naked Gun Series and in Forbidden Planet (1956), with Jack Kelly and Warren Stevens.

Leslie Nielsen, R.I.P.

From Canada came Leslie Nielsen

To movie folks he was appealsome

In drama---no fame

Then "Naked Gun" came

At end of career he had real fun

Racket Bluster

A canary who who murdered "da boys"
loved danger but didn't like noise
She lived on a diet
of strict peace and quiet
A silencer's one of her toys



She hates the racket, get it? No, Lizabeth Scott is not a hit-woman in The Racket (John Cromwell, 1951), she's a nightclub singer caught between racketeer Robert Ryan and crusading police captain Robert Mitchum. In addition to the credited director, Mel Ferrer, Tay Garnett, Nicholas Ray and Sherman Todd all shot scenes for controlling producer Howard Hughes. It's a remake of a Hughes produced film of the same name from 1928.

Asleep with the Dishes

Down deep in the cold, murky drink
Where skeletons go when then sink
A siren is calling
a sailor who's falling
The fella should see a good shrink

Robert Ryan has a recurring nightmare in Woman on the Beach (Jean Renoir, 1948). Watch the sequence on youtube, here.

Shell-Shock and Awe

He's frightened and starting to sweat
His nightmare is getting him wet
A dame in the deep
is haunting his sleep
They're coming for him with a net

Joan Bennett with Robert Ryan, a navy vet with a bad case of shell-shock in Woman on the Beach (Jean Renoir, 1948). Watch Ryan's surrealistic, Freudian-drenched nightmare on youtube, here.