Hatter Chatter

Just why the term "Mad as a hatter"?
Nonsensical milliner patter?
Or is it the bite
from a hat sized too tight
that's putting the squeeze on grey matter?

The expression derives from the fact that hats are made primarily from felt, in which fibers of wool or fur are pounded together. The felting process goes more quickly when treated with mercury, and hat makers, aka milliners, would be driven crazy from mercury poisoning. Just one of many such origins of language to be found in Loose Cannons and Red Herrings, a Book of Lost Metaphors by Robert Claiborne. Wood-engravings by Thomas Dalziel.

Peking Duck and Cover

The city is going atomic
with bomb shelters most ergonomic
In La-Z-Boy chairs
they'll stomach three-squares
of canned goods that taste sub-gastronomic

I've heard that bomb shelters are making a comeback. Probably panic induced from having our first "socialist" president. Anyway, this is yet another limerick that has absolutely nothing to do with the movie title that inspired it. The real city in question is Los Alamos, where H-bomb scientist Gene Barry's son is kidnapped by Soviet spies in The Atomic City (Jerry Hopper, 1952). Limerwrecks has dropped the big one and Red Scare Week is kaput.

Red Plate Special

The short-order cook in a spoon
is really a communist goon
Providing the scenery
is gal in the beanery,
whose sweaters cause fellas to swoon

Terry Moore, Frank Lovejoy, Keenan Wynn and Lee Marvin as "Slob" in Shack Out on 101 (Edward Dein, 1955), a B movie that serves up commie spies and low comedy in a weird combo platter. In the following clip, Wynn and Marvin compare physiques and Moore delivers the punchline.

Scary in Your Pocket

A pickpocket picks the wrong purse
and into the spy game's immersed
The secrets inside
could get the guy fried
by commies or cops--which is worse?



Richard Widmark lifts "B-girl" Jean Peters' pocketbook in Pickup on South Street (Sam Fuller, 1953). Pickup is certainly the greatest so-called "anti-commie" film ever made--perhaps the only truly good one. It's also a cracking good noir. Here's a review on Noir of the Week.

Commie Dearest

First wave of a commie tsunami
he disses his daddy and mommy

He reads only tracts
The bible attacks
No doubt he plays hide the salami

Helen Hayes, Robert Walker and Dean Jagger in My Son John (Leo McCarey, 1952).

I Wed a Red

I married a communist mouse
Got hitched to a dirty red spouse
This Mrs. would scold me
and hiss as she told me
that Hoover wore skirts and a blouse


I Married a Communist (Robert Stevenson, 1949), aka The Woman on Pier 13, aka Beautiful But Dangerous was produced by millionaire wack-job Howard Hughes. It starred Laraine Day, Robert Ryan and bad blonde Janis Carter as the commie bride.

Better Fed Than Red

Though I choke on my mom's apple pie
and the pledge of allegiance deny
To the red, white and blue
I am secretly true
and for J. Edgar Hoover I spy


We're naming names at Limerwrecks during Red Scare Week. Frank Lovejoy stars in I Was a Communist for the F.B.I. (Gordon Douglas, 1951), based on the real-life story of undercover agent Matt Cvetic. Dana Andrews played Cvetic in a radio show of the same name from 1952-3. You can download episodes of the radio show here.
Above: Screen capture from DVD Beaver.

Opening Daze

It's Spring, and a young fellow's fancy...
well, you know, a fella gets antsy
Sees bat, ball and glove
and thoughts turn to love
Just like when Sid Vicious saw Nancy


The saying is 'hope springs eternal'
But what if one's luck is infernal?
The chances are great
the Cubs will deflate
The start of their endings is vernal

It's sunny and 70 degrees in Chicago, opening day for the White Sox at Comisk--er...um, Cellular Field. The Cubs play at Atlanta. Here goes nothing.
For a daily grand slam of baseball poetics visit Bardball.com.

Die-chotomy

It's black or it's white, never grey
A choice of the right or wrong way
A fan of Ayn Rand's
you know where he stands
The man that we call Mr. A.


To call Steve Ditko's Mr. A dogmatic is like calling a tree wooden. Taking Ayn Rand's principles of Objectivism to the street, Mr. A is the hero as judge and jury, without mercy for those who compromise his hard-and-fast morality. Mr. A is © and trademark Steve Ditko 2010. Oops--sorry about using the grey type!

Nothing Up My Steve

A private, reclusive-type guy
Steve Ditko is terribly shy
Refusing all laurels
he draws on his morals
An artist that money can't buy

Above: Self-portrait by Steve Ditko, drawn for Marvel Comics in the 1960s. Ditko walked away from Spider-Man and Doctor Strange, his co-creations at Marvel with Stan Lee, and to this day refuses further profit from them.

It's Clobberin' Rhyme!

Jack Kirby punched things in the face
and sent them all flying through space
His taperin' lines
pure action defines
with power and movement and pace

Fantastic Four panel by Jack Kirby and Joe Sinnott. There's an earlier Kirby limerick here. The Thing is © and trademark Marvel Comics 2010.

Badu Saved From Drowning

The musical artist, Badu
has filmed what we used to call "blue"

A Dallas death scene
that some find obscene
Which they, she will say, misconstrue

Norm Zapruder

The footage is shocking to see
But what it might mean, none agree
A strip-teasing stroll
right past grassy knoll
I think that it says "Look at me!"

Surly

Bye Bye Wordy

There was a young lad from Japan
whose verses they never would scan
When he was asked why
he said, with a sigh
"Darn it all, I just can't help trying to get as many words as I possibly, possibly can in the last line."

April Fools! This limerick was recited by Psycho-Criminologist Carl Palmberg (Theodore Bikel) to Barbara Graham (Susan Hayward) in the based-on-fact I Want to Live! (Robert Wise, 1958). Graham was on death row at the time, so cramming as much as possible into the "last line" took on added meaning.