Palette Cleanser

An artist--a beatnik Van Gogh--
builds robot to work on his show
When Botnik takes snooze
a battle ensues
It's man v. machine, but po-mo


View the trailer for Botnik, by Chicago's Calabash Animation, here.
Glossary: For those not in the know, Po-Mo = Post-Modern.

Furry Worry

When posed on a rug that is fur
one shouldn't be smoking like her
Just flicking an ash
could lead to a flash
and third degree burns you'd incur

Lizabeth Scott in Desert Fury (Lewis Allen, 1947).
Source: Matthew C. Hoffman's Film Noir photos.

Gas Who's Coming to Dinner

When we sit at the table to eat
we are hit with a whiff, sickly sweet
This vile scent medley
is silent but deadly
and emitted from father's big seat

El-ahrairah


A mister romanced his bambino
with seven course dinner and vino
Digesting legumes
there rose noxious fumes
And so, for dessert they had Beano

Surly Hack

Unholy Matriphony

She's kidnapped and locked in a room
an identity forced to assume
And though she's denied
that she is his bride
a maniac claims he's her groom


George Macready and Dame May Whitty attempt identity theft in My Name is Julia Ross (Joseph H. Lewis, 1945). Here is writer Suzi Doll's take on Julia Ross at Movie Morlocks. And here's our limerick remembrance of actress Nina Foch.

The Transparent Trap

I'm tired of being ignored
passed by by the visible horde
Their looking right through me
is making me gloomy
I'll see a psychiatry ward

Claude Rains loses his mind as the The Invisible Man (James Whale, 1933).

So-So Sorry

Forgive me, I'm so impolite

I squeezed the darn trigger too tight
But now, when I read,
you'll have to concede,
my husband will not block the light

Norm and Surly

Sweaty and Veronica

Some hair hanging over an eye
stirs thoughts in the head of a guy
Will brushing it back
just get me a smack?
Or will the young lady comply?


Read our previous limerick on the lovely Veronica Lake, here. Bottom
photo: Matthew C. Hoffman's Film Noir: Through a Lens Darkly

Straw Pole

This gal has some stuff she should strut
Instead she just leans on a hut
She's been there an hour
it's either willpower
or else there's a stick up her butt

Payton's Place

Miss Barbara Payton was bad
The best bad a date ever had
A platinum blonde
to whom men respond
Around her her mates played the cad


Barbara Payton tempts Tony Wright in Bad Blonde (Reginald Le Borg, 1958). Read a review of the film as well as a bit of Payton's tragic biography at Noir of the Week. Photos: HollywoodPinup.com, La boîte à Puces.

3-D or Not 3-D

Through stereoscopic invention
the cinema added dimension
But gimmicky flicks
chock-full of film tricks
were lacking artistic pretension

Read an earlier 3-D limerick here. We found the above poster at DaveKehr.com. Dave's N.Y. Times article on the fascinating history and possible future of 3-D films can be found here.

Late Date

He's lined up a dinner at eight
It seems he's got death on his plate
And though his last meal
is quite a big deal
tonight he will have to be late



Gerald Mohr stars in A Date With Death (Harold Daniels, 1959), which was presented in subliminal-message-laden Psycho-Rama. There's more Mohr, here.

J.D. Salinger, R.I.P.

A recluse who wouldn't reply
has left without saying goodbye
His epitaph blurb
reads Do not disturb
discouraging those who would pry

Rebel Without Applause

Rebelling like teenagers should
he feels that he's misunderstood
His Mom wears the pants
and Dad is a Nance
So what? He gets Natalie wood!



James Dean and Natalie Wood in Rebel Without a Cause (Nicholas Ray, 1955). Pics: Doctor Macro. Dedicated to those critics without a clue, Pete Fitzgerald and Brian Buniak. Thanks to Walt Hitman for the assist.