Trunk Spunk

When watching the old bump and grind
a fellow preferred what’s behind
As strippers would strut
he’d watch nothing but
and do what his mom said would blind

3rd Degree Burning Desire

When peeling her flaming red veils
a stripper warmed cockles of males
Then cigarette lighter
she bumped did ignite her
and now she holds fire pole sales

Grab your pasties and a g-string,
it's Stripper Week at Limerwrecks.

Top Hat Trick

Possessing a rare savoir faire
his dancing seemed lighter than air

In waltz or toe-tapper

he's charming and dapper

No star has the flair of Astaire

Pearls After Swine

On Subject of sickness and swine
this writer's inclined to opine
From dogs you'll get fleas
from hogs, a disease
A virus of porcine design

Surly

The Plague Doctor

For whom will the Plague Doctor come?
For those, my dear, who have succumbed
to cough or to sneeze
that leads to disease
He'll come for your dad and your Mum!

Norm

Drive-In, Freak Out

At drive-ins a movie was playing
that patrons found rather dismaying
The film was a thriller
that featured a killer
who lately at drive-ins was slaying

Targets was the first film by Peter Bogdanovich and
one of the last of Boris Karloff's. Karloff played an aging
horror film star at odds with the very real horror of a
psychotic Viet Nam vet turned sniper.

Unholy Matrimony

I married a monster from space
though I couldn’t tell from his face
A regular guy
to my naked eye
though parts of him felt out of place

Gloria Talbot weds Tom Tryon in I Married a Monster from Outer Space (Gene Fowler Jr., 1958).

Lagoon Squad

When smitten by babe in lagoon
the creature just wanted to spoon
But back in his cave
she wouldn’t behave
Seems Cupid was shot by harpoon

Julie Adams and the Creature From the Black Lagoon.

Soft Sell Crabs

When doctors discovered the scabs

she blamed an attack of the crabs

But claimed she was clean

and didn't demean

her virtue in backseats of cabs

Little Green Menace

Don’t take these green men to your leaders
They're just steaks to these mean bottom feeders
Your females they'll carry
and forcibly marry
to make them their outer space breeders

Welcome to Drive-In week at Limerwrecks

Time Tripping

To travel through time, what a blast!
To visit the future or past
See dinosaurs roam
primordial home
or rockets cruise galaxies vast

But making a retro-time trip
be careful, and try not to slip
And watch where you tread
‘cause bugs you squash dead
may turn all your mem’ries to zip

Smuttering

With some folks each word that they utter

arises from out of the gutter

Their every last vowel

is filthy and foul

Their mouths would melt far more than butter


Here at Limerwrecks we are often chastised for
not writing true 'blue' limericks. To that we say
"heck!" If you want the classic dirty limerick
there are plenty of other places to find them. We
love 'em too, but here at Limerwrecks we'll continue
to provide an kinder, gentler alternative, preferring
the double entendre to the explicit.

Furry Sundown

As bodies hormonally change
some teens will feel awkward and strange
What really feels weird
is a full-body beard
and getting a bad case of mange