Bottom of the Pyle

Throughout all the pain Gomer smiles

He went on in spite of his trials

The man was a trooper

Despite his pained pooper

For Gomer had terrible piles

Flat Foot Floogie With The Floyd Floyd

Old Floyd never gave a shampoo
He thought it was rather too-too
He shaved and he cut
and behaved like a nut
His barber pole spun like a screw

Nippin' It In The Rosebud

Fife's gun contained only one bullet

To father kids he tried until it

Would only shoot blanks

His wife said "No, thanks,

Why don't you stay home and just pull it?"

Norm Knott



Empty Chamber Music

Of Barney the folks would make fun
with hillbilly cruelty, homespun
He wished he was dead
and, aiming at head
played Russian Roulette with his gun

Surly Hack

Come What Mayberry

A town in the South, down below
where folks liked to take it real slow
Not workin' a lick
they'd fish in a crik
Some guys from New York wrote the show!



This week it's Limerwreck's irreverent and
sophomoric look at that sixties television
classic, The Andy Griffith Show

Optical Delusion

Is there any insect who'll go
and fly where the icy winds blow?
You say that none dares
Then tell me why there's
a spider web woven in snow!

The War In Error

The highway to Hell has been paved
by those whose lapel pin flags waved
Unending detentions
bely their intentions
and prove their indiff’rence, depraved

Kissed Me Deadly

My hatches she said I should batten
However, she told me in Latin
She caught me off guard
and kissed me so hard
the front of my face is now flattened

The Far Too Late Show

Rod’s shameless and can’t be disgraced
but under his mop he’s two-faced
He says he’s no Nixon
and there was no fix in
but Blago’s tapes weren’t erased

A hog for the spotlight craves pork      
so Blago flies off for New York
His late night PR
is just plain bizarre
He’s done, we should stick in the fork

Sermon and the Mount

So sure was the groom that he'd falter

he took baby steps to the altar

But he didn't swoon
on cruise honeymoon

and bride saw the Rock of Gibraltar

Cold Discomfort

From winter we’re under attack
by snow that could break a strong back
Then Arctic winds blow
to thirty below
and patience and pipes start to crack



It’s globally warming, we’re told
Then why's it so toe-numbing cold?!?
First serious snow job
then blustery blow job
Chicago, I’m getting too old

Blago-sphere

A midget who thinks he's a giant
when facing defeat stayed defiant
Now stripped of his power
he’ll soon have to shower
with cell mates who’ll make him compliant

Former governor and still media hog Rod
Blagojevich will appear on The Late Show
with David Letterman tomorrow night.

Any Port Wine in a Storm

A bottle of champagne is used

to christen a ship's maiden cruise.

But to the young miss

the question was this,

"Why waste a good bottle of booze?"

Empti-mess

A janitor enters a room
it's vastness pervaded by gloom
Each step filled with dread
of what lies ahead
inside the broom closet of doom


Is there no escape from this dreary drivel? Happily, yes.
This is the last nail in the coffin of Death Valley Daze
week at Limerwrecks. Farewell, fellow travelers.