Tales From the Script

You're frightened you'll rot and draw flies?
Don't fight it, Death's not a surprise
If you stop on this isle
You'll drop dead in style
Our writers will plot your demise.

Jason Robards Sr,, Marc Cramer, and Boris Karloff in Isle of the Dead (Mark Robson; 1945). Title by David Cairns, who has script approval.

Isle "M" For Morbid

A quarantine keeps them ashore
In a horror that's creepy sans gore
No slasher or beast
Will gnash them deceased
But old Boris has Reaper rapport.

David Cairns

Boris Karloff stars in producer Val Lewton's morbid Isle of the Dead (Mark Robson; 1945).

Dearth of the Cat People

It's a sequel in nothing but name
Lisping geeks cry "Fruthtrating! It'th lame!"
But this "Curse" is no cheat
It's a nursery treat
Quite unique with this otherworld dame.

David Cairns



Irena (Simone Simon) haunts Curse of the Cat People (Robert Wise and Gunther von Fritsch; 1944) and young Amy Reed (Ann Carter). Title by Donald B. Benson, a cat people person.

Hairball of Fire

"Will she cuddle up close in the sack?"
Wonders Judd, an hypnosis-crazed quack
Yes, this Mrs. is pretty
But one kiss she turns kitty
Sorry bud, adios! You're a snack!

Dr. Judd (Tom Conway) puts Irena Reed (Simon Simon) under hypnosis in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942).

Carnival of Trolls

In demand, a big tent main attraction,
I can't stand I don't get any action
But this spinach-fueled schmo
Blows right into my show,       
I get canned, and I end up in traction.

Bluto thinks he's the star of the Popeye cartoon King of the Mardi Gras (1935).

Bristle While You Work

Down in festering tombs, damp and cold,
Never question, exhume as you're told
Raising caskets to rob
Do not ask -- it's a job
And the best you can do, just paroled.

Henry (Colin Clive) and Fritz (Dwight Frye) ransack the graveyard in Frankenstein (James Whale; 1931).

Schreck's Kitten

She's forlorn, though she truly gives thanks
For the corniest, pool-centered pranks
But have fun with Irena
And you'll run down the drain-a
When she's horny, you fool, she turns Manx.

Tom Conway and Simone Simon as Irena in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942). Title by kittenish David Cairns. Happy Thanksgiving from the hepcats at LimerWrecks.

Uncaged Malady

Lie still now, you're feeling quite sleepy
Will you kill or be healed? This is creepy!
An ailment neurotic?
Or tale more exotic?
This thriller's a "B" but no cheapie.

Irena (Simon Simon) undergoes hypnosis with Dr. Judd (Tom Conway) in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942). Title by uncaged male Donald B. Benson.

Dreading Water

Cats don't care for the drink, it's a fact
They just stare and they blink, all arched-backed
But they don't like their paws wet
So you won't get all clawed yet
Though beware! Sleazeball shrinks are attacked!

David Cairns and Surly Hack



Jane Randolph and Simone Simon in Cat People ( Jacques Tourneur, 1942).

Lamb to the Water

Half-naked and wet, you can't speak
You break a cold sweat, knees go weak
Soft, padded footfalls
A shadow that mauls                
Can't take it? Then let go a shriek!

 Jane Randolph jumps in the pool in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942).

Cat Walk

The figures cross pregnant dark places
Heels clicking to echo their paces
Our senses are keen
To menace off-screen
Or hidden in negative spaces.



Jane Randolph and Simone Simon go for a walk in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942).

Am I Bluto?

Yeah, I'm great, but I wish I were thin      
Out on dates with this dish I can't win
I'm a slob, she's afraid
And some gob makes the grade
I can't wait 'til I squish his face in.

The eternal black-and-blue triangle: Popeye Bluto and Olive Oyl in Beware of Barnacle Bill (1935). Title by blue-haired Donald B. Benson.

Dullard Oblongata

Fetch a brain that is warm, good and kind
Must be sane, well-informed, and refined
You had only one job
You dumb drone, you poor slob...
Who'll explain the abnormal-type mind?

Fritz (Dwight Frye) drops the normal brain in Frankenstein (James Whale; 1931). Title by the oblong David Cairns.

Couching Tiger

When adored young Irena's transfigured
Hide a sword in your cane like old Sigurd
When this wildcat gets frisky
Or else riled, then it's risky
Act untoward toward this jane and you're jiggered!

David Cairns



Simone Simon as Irena, and Tom Conway as her amorous psychiatrist, Dr. Judd, in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942). Judd carries a cane which contains a blade in the handle.

Nothing More Than Felines

In a Serbian village long gone
A disturbing megillah went on
The men formed committees
And transformed into kitties
But those furballs were killed by King John.

David Cairns

In Irena's dream in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942), Dr. Judd (Tom Conway) appears as King John of Serbia, bearing his sword to punish heathens.

Cad People

Don't you blindly tempt fate, just dismiss her
She's a client, not date, so don't kiss her
Just one smooch on her mouth
And your future goes south
Though you'll find she's a great little hisser.

Psychiatrist Dr. Louis Judd (Tom Conway) and his patient Irena Dubrovna Reed (Simone Simon) in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942). Title by David Cairns, a real people person.

Claws For Alarm

Her beauty he came to adore.
He loved her like no girl before.
But then he was shocked
When marriage unlocked
The wrong type of Pussy Galore.

Donald B. Benson

Cozy or ominous? Newlyweds Oliver and Irena (Kent Smith and Simone Simon) in The Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942).

Greens to an End

He mumbles (with hints that he cussed)
In rumbles he's mincemeat--a bust
But greens from a tin
Are means for a win
His muscles in spinach do trust.

Surly Hack and Donald B. Benson

In Tent to Kill

At the circus they die with a splat!
From their perches up high they fall flat  
Hubby Dwight is quite jealous
And a mite overzealous
So berserk that he'll try on this hat!



Dwight Frye plays trapeze artist "Flandrin the Great" in Circus Queen Murder (Roy William Neill ; 1933), which the IMDb describes as "...a sordid tale of marital infidelity, murder, cruelty to animals, and cannibalism." Sounds like pre-Code to me. Title by well in-tent-ioned Donald B. Benson.

Letting the Cat Out

You dope! Though she's fit and of age,
Don't open this pretty one's cage
Her inner she-beast
By sin is released
And you'll cope with a kitty cat's rage.

Simone Simon and Tom Conway in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942). Title by hepcat Donald B. Benson.

Scratch Me If You Can

Not purring, just matter of fact
How she yearns for a pat on the back
To a loafer she's wedded
Now the sofa is shredded
Cause she turns to a cat in the sack.

David Cairns

Simone Simon stars as Irena in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942).

Kitten Around

At the zoo, meet a Serbian sketching
Bill and coo, she's superb, and she's fetching
But when kissing her quick
She goes "Hiss!" and looks sick
And she spews up a furball -- that's retching.

David Cairns

Oliver Reed approaches Irena Dubrovna as she sketches a black panther at the zoo: Kent Smith and Simone Simon in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942).

Cat Scandal

If to passion Simone doth surrender
(In a flash she is prone to feel tender)
She's afraid she'll transform
And have strayed from the norm
Then she'll slash to the bone her offender.

David Cairns

Simone Simon as Irena in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942).

Whelp Wanted

Going mad, into secrets they pry,
Create addled, sick freaks that won't die  
When the work and the gore
For these jerks proves a chore
They place ads for a sneak like D Frye.

Your friendly neighborhood mad doctor is at it again. Boris Karloff as The Monster, Dwight Frye as Fritz, and Colin Clive as the doc, Henry Frankenstein (James Whale; 1931). Title by David Cairns, wanted in North and South Dakota.

When the Growing Gets Tufts

Lugosi's a Roma with bite
Who knows where he roams late at night?
This gypsy's a curse
He'll nip you or worse
Fur grows plastic combs can't make right.

Larry Talbot (Lon Chaney) is bitten by Béla (Lugosi), the Gypsy werewolf in The Wolf Man (1941). Title and assist by David Cairns, a growing boy.

Employ All Monsters

Here's a silly and raggedy romp
Drac will kill, monsters stagger and stomp
It's a House overrun
But why grouse? It's great fun!
Till the villain is dragged down a swamp.

House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton; 1944), a monster crossover starring Boris Karloff, Lon Chaney Jr., and John Carradine. Thanks to David Cairns for the assist.