Psychotic Break Time

We'll be back after a short break.

Outhouse of the Wolf Man

Heavy heart in poor Larry is sinking
Never smart, he's turned hairy, unthinking
The abode where he dwells
Of commode badly smells
Devil farts are both scary and stinking.

Surly Hack and David Cairns

You thought that was fog on the moors? HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN probably would have been a stinker. Image: Lon Chaney Jr. in The Wolf Man (1941).

Dog House of the Wolf Man

With lycanthropy Larry's afflicted
(Change from man into hairball's depicted)
Though the dwelling is darling,
Always yelling or snarling,
From his mansion the werewolf's evicted.

Wild man Larry Talbot wouldn't have lasted long in the HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Lon Chaney Jr. stalks the moors in The Wolf Man (1941).

By the Light of the Salivary Moon

Have pity on werewolfen Larry
His bits in these scare-films don't vary
Moonbeams zinging his glands,
Soon he's wringing his hands
As the mitts grow unbearably hairy.



I assume Larry Talbot would have worried about becoming the Wolf Man in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN--he did in every other film. Image: Lon Chaney Jr in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948). Title by lightheaded David Cairns.

House Arrest of the Wolf Man

Patchwork German and Drac are his guests
In the vermin-filled shack where he rests
But the walls are too thin
And, appalled by the din,
He's determined to whack the two pests.

It's getting mighty crowded in HOUSE OF THE WOLFMAN, Universal's planned but never produced follow-up their two "House" monster mash-ups. Image: Lon Chaney Jr. in The Wolf Man (1941).

Spring Has Sprung a Leak

First of the Year

by Hilary Barta

The besotted on Clark Street are searching
Dodging potholes they’re parking, then lurching
To watch Cubbies they swarm
Though a drubbing’s the norm
At the bottom those barkers are perching.


It's spring in Chicago, and that means my limericks turn to baseball, and that means the Cubs, and that ain't good. This and much, much more at Bardball.com, reviving the art of baseball doggerel.

Paws For Reflection

From the roar and the glare of the streets,
To the forest this were-man retreats
Where at last, mouth a-foam,
Not harassed, he's at home
Growing more and more hair on his feets.



Alas, no HOUSE for the Wolf Man. Image: Lon Chaney Jr. stalks the moors in The Wolf Man (1941). Let us pause to thank David Cairns for the title.

House-Training of the Wolf Man

The werewolf has yet to find rooming
The scare-movie vet must be fuming
Like an owl, up all night
He will howl, then he'll bite
And beware! Like a pet, he needs grooming.



The Wolf Man/Larry Talbot (Lon Chaney Jr.) trashes yet another hotel room in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (Charles Barton; 1948). We're musing on HOUSE OF THE WOLFMAN, Universal's never produced follow-up to their monster "House" films.

Zombie Flesh Easter

It's Easter, give praise, do not mourn
Your deceased savior's raised and reborn
But these dead, now alive
Open heads to survive
And will feast on your brains Sunday morn.

Pasty-faced extras lurch through Night of the Living Dead (1968). Our title is by David Cairns, and is a nod to Zombies 2, aka Zombie Flesh Eaters (1979). We're going to hell for reposting this holiday limerick.  The Universal Monsters will return tomorrow.

Mane Man

The scripts dictate Larry romances,
And with gypsies take terrible chances
That he worries and mopes,
And scurries and lopes,
Then flips when his hairline advances.

Imagining the Universal monster film that never was, HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. If they had made it, my guess is the Wolf Man's story would follow the established pattern. Image: Larry Talbot (Lon Chaney Jr.) transforms into The Wolf Man  in House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton; 1944).

Fur and Away

Fang and bolt-bearing chaps get chateaus
Where the dolts hang their caps and chapeaus
But the werewolf's a stray
With no lair where to stay
As he molts in time-lapse last repose.



What if Universal actually produced HOUSE OF THE WOLFMAN, the planned follow-up to House of Frankenstein and House of Dracula? Image: Lon Chaney Jr. in The Wolf Man (1941).

Keeping the Wolf Man From the Door

Frank and Drac have a building apiece
Rank and black, and yet still there's a lease
But poor Larry's left kneeling
With the sky for a ceiling
No dank shack, just a chill without cease.

David Cairns

Imagining HOUSE OF THE WOLFMAN, Universal's never produced follow-up to House of Frankenstein and House of Dracula.  Image: Lon Chaney Jr. in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (1943).

Unreal Estate

There's Chez Frankenstein's gloomy decor
And blood banks line Drac's rooms, drenched in gore  

But adrift, no address
Does shape-shifter possess

Doesn't rank even broom closet floor. 

David Cairns

We have finally loped and lumbered through the entirety of the Universal Frankenstein films.This one's about Universal's intention, never fulfilled, to follow up their two monster mash-ups, House of Frankenstein and House of Dracula, with HOUSE OF THE WOLFMAN. Image: Lon Chaney, Jr. in The Wolf Man (1941).

Burly Retirement

He's ill-fashioned, a sawbones' invention
Monster mash-up, with flawed comprehension
Though he ought to retire
He gets caught in a pyre
Now as ashes he's drawing his pension.

David Cairns


Frankenstein's Monster (Glenn Strange, and his dummy stand-in) meets a fiery end and Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein. 

The Wrong Goodbye

It's for bed-rest this narcolept's yearning
But instead his poor carcass is burning                  
In a comedy cast,
He craves dramas long past
Career dead, into charcoal he's turning.

The Monster meets his fate: Glenn Strange in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (Charles Barton; 1948).

Every Which Way But Lou's

What's a chiller film scrapper to do
When the silly and slapstick ensue?
Can their brain, set "baroque",
Stand the strain of a joke?
Will they still give a crap and say "Boo!"?

Wilbur Grey (Lou Costello), Count Dracula (Béla Lugosi) and the Frankenstein Monster (Glenn Strange) goof around in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (Charles Barton; 1948). Title by loose-lipped David Cairns.

Rise and Dine

Each night in his lair he arises 
He's a fright, so beware -- he surprises!
Getting up from his "bed"
He will sup as undead
One good bite, bloody-rare, satisfies-es.

Unbeknownst to weak-willed Wilbur (Lou Costello), Count Dracula (Béla Lugosi) is opening his coffin: Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (Charles Barton; 1948).

The Comedy Before the Storm

First he'll glare from the shadows and lurk        
But beware, he'll grow mad, go berserk
What begets all this ire?
What new threat is so dire?
He finds "Parody...bad!" and won't work.

Surly Hack and David Cairns

The Frankenstein Monster (Glenn Strange) throws a hissy fit in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (Charles Barton; 1948).

Hungarian Ghoulish

Baleful Béla is back in the cloak,
Tie and tails, it's a black, formal yoke
And, in fact, laid to rest
As Count Drac he'll be dressed
But impalement would smack of baroque.

David Cairns

Actor Béla Lugosi was buried in his Dracula get-up. Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (Charles Barton; 1948) marked his return to the role he'd made famous in Dracula (1931).

The Unbearable Bite-ness of Being Dracula

Drac's undead, so abstains from mere croaking
And instead, into veins he'll be poking
But when Abbott, Costello
Start to blabber and bellow
He sees red, he's so pained by their joking.

Count Dracula (Béla Lugosi) isn't pleased when Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (Charles Barton; 1948).

Crated "AAARRH!"

At his best he instilled shock and awe 
By mobs tested, near killed, beaten raw
But of late he's diminished
Once was great, now he's finished
And at rest on a pillow of straw.

Glenn Strange as the somnolent Frankenstein Monster, packed in a shipping crate in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948). Title crated by David Cairns.

Burlesque House of Frankenstein

Now a double act (fat one and thin)
Meets that grubby bat Bela, therein
The arthritic Glenn Strange
Lon, once bitten, with mange
Make for trouble when rat-arsed on gin.

David Cairns

Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948). With Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, Glenn Strange, Lon Chaney Jr. and Bela Lugosi.

Loathario

Like some casting couch-toting producer,   
Drac's a nasty and noted seducer
Like a stud, only sicker,
Sucking blood like it's liquor,
Unsurpassed draining throats, the old juicer!

Lénore Aubert looks particularly fetching as Dr. Sandra Mornay, and Béla Lugosi looks positively Hungarian as Count Dracula, in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (Charles Barton; 1948). Title by loathe-bearing David Cairns.

Creatures of the Nightlife

With silvery moonlight advancing,
These silly old goons go out dancing
Gorgeous girls they will grip,
Give a twirl and a dip,
Then kill them in lieu of romancing.

Promo pic from, I believe,  Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948). So perhaps Lon Chaney, Jr. as The Wolf Man and Glenn Strange as The Monster. For sure Norm Knott is the title writer.

Casketnova

Over Hades this bat-bastard's flitting
Though his shady, black past he's omitting
Those well-versed in his lore
Know his thirst is for gore --
Lo! -- on ladies old ghastly keeps hitting.

Count Dracula (Béla Lugosi) puts the moves on Dr. Mornay (Lénore Aubert) in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (Charles Barton; 1948). Title by casket-case Norm Knott.

It Takes Two to Mangle

Dressed in tux and in cape, Drac looks natty
Less deluxe is this ape, slack and tatty
On a break from his coffin
Asks the rake, "Come here often?"
Guess that cluck draped in black isn't chatty...

Surly Hack with David Cairns

Count Dracula brushes aside The Frankenstein Monster: Béla Lugosi and Glenn Strange in a publicity still for Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (Charles Barton; 1948).

Waking Up Is Hard To Do

Once the Monster was hot, number one
Now ensconced on a cot he's no fun
Not much more than a prop
Or some door's giant stop;
Unresponsive, his plot nearly done.

Dr.Mornay (Lénore Aubert) and Count Dracula (Béla Lugosi) examine the comatose Monster (Glenn Strange) in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (Charles Barton; 1948). In his last films, the sadly diminished monster no longer acted, but was acted upon.

The Mirror Drac'd

With this dame he'll infuse a connection
But the framing could use a correction
In her neck for a sip
There's a technical slip
What a shame that one views his reflection.



Count Dracula (Béla Lugosi) puts the bite on Dr. Mornay (Lénore Aubert) in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948).