A Luger, a Lady, a List

The title is more of a list
A line-up of what it consists
Alliterate Gs
repeated in 3s
Just read it and you'll get the gist



Girls, Guns and Gangsters (Edward L. Cahn, 1959)
starred Mamie Van Doren, Gerald Mohr and Lee Van Cleef.

Cast Iron Man

When Iron Man first hit the screen
the likes of him hadn’t been seen
This silent film guy
was not CGI
way back there in 1918

Jane Randolph, R.I.P.

Straight down to her swimsuit she'd strip
Alone in the dark, took a dip
A splash, then a growl
A cat on the prowl?
Through shadows and sounds lost her grip

Now watch this great Cat People clip

Actress Jane Randolph has died at 94. Randolph appeared
in 1942's Cat People (where she famously took a swim) and
again in The Curse of the Cat People two years later. She
also had lead roles in Highways by Night (1942), Jealousy
(1945) and Railroaded! (1947) and appeared in two films in
the Falcon series. Source: The Hollywood Reporter.com

A Lane in the Dark

Not two streets are shadowed, but three
The cops can't detect--they can't see
When the law's in the dark
all the bad guys embark
on a dimly lit criminal spree


Martha Hyer in Arnold Laven's Down Three Dark Streets,
a documentary-style, FBI procedural crime drama from 1954.

Baby Love Canal

These alien birthing faux pas

reject as their method, Lamaze

leave C-section scars

and hand out cigars

right after they crawl from their mas

X Marks the Plot

The man from the planet called X

did not come here looking for sex

Relationships sour

back home by the hour

His orb's correct spelling is Ex-

Norm



The man from the planet called X

Is obviously looking for sex

To a lady in red
he's lustfully led
to show her his special effects

Surly

Each eye of the gal grimly locks

on the alien's strange-looking box

She's taking exception

to its sole reception:
One station, and that one is FOX

Norm

The Man From Planet X (1951) is another of director
Edgar G.Ulmer's oddly affecting grade Z productions.

Pics courtesy of imp awards and monstermoviemusic,
a very cool site loaded with great oddball movie music.

The Sin Crowd

Where did all this badness begin?
Way back in “original sin?"
Are we to believe
that Adam and Eve
have caused all the trouble we're in?

Monster Melanoma

On beaches bikinied girls ran
from demon created from man
For sunning he'll answer
for more than just cancer
Poor guy had just wanted a tan!


The Hideous Sun Demon (Tom Boutross, Robert Clarke, 1959)
Poster courtesy of Mad Monsters.com

The Small, Large, or Medium is the Message

I questioned the font size she chose
and leaned in to read, bumped my nose
Then seeing what's writ
I felt like a twit
"If you can read this, you're too close"

Norm and Surly

Coming and Going Green

Or, Green Thumb-Screws



They met at a sci-fi convention
where aliens draw no attention
But riding the bus
the two caused a fuss
and landed in Gitmo detention

The Last (Gasp) of Mr. Cheney

Although all such action demeans
the ends, it seems, justify means
So Dick Cheney's frowning
because we're not drowning
detainees in torture routines


Former VP Dick Cheney defends Gitmo and
torture at the American Enterprise Institute.
Photo courtesy of Reuters

TV Guise

While watching our favorite shows
to cathode tube rays we're exposed
With far too much telly
the brain turn to jelly
and radioactively glows

Bad Taste Gone Good

Chicago Pop Art master Mitch O'Connell
has added a second gallery show...




Secret Handshakes
May 22nd-June 7

Opening reception:
Friday, May 22nd, 7:00 PM

Rotofugi Gallery
1953-55 W. Chicago Ave
Chicago, Il


And this one is still up and running...

God Has Forgiven Me (so what's your problem?)

May 15th-June 20th

Packer Schopf Gallery
942 W. Lake St.
Chicago, Il

www.packergallery.com
mitchoconnell.com

The artist Chicago calls Mitch
Keeps mining a vein that is rich
His subjects, iconic
he renders ironic
A master of pop crossed with kitsch

Throne For A Loss

So why the big standing ovation?
What makes this a joyful occasion?
What causes such fits?
Their child produced its
first potty chair elimination

Kelly's Zeros

Here's to genius, obsessive and crazy,
and that's never complacent or lazy
Extravagant masters
creating disasters,
whose diff'rence from triumphs seems hazy



Midway through Eric von Stroheim's Queen Kelly ( 1928) the producers
shut it down. Maybe it was because it was wildly over budget, or that they
feared its twisted content would incur censorship. Perhaps the coming of
sound gave them a good excuse to pull the plug. In any case, von Stroheim's
directing career never fully recovered. (top image: Dr. Macro)
You can watch an amazingly perverse clip from the film on YouTube, here

This Is Not a Bagpipe

I don't like a Scotsman in kilt

and never when over they tilt
It won't make me glad
to see Tartan plaid

no matter how well they are built

Norm and Surly

Naked Hunch

Godiva had nothing to hide
from scrutiny never had shied
She kept her composure
through overexposure
(Her nudity here is implied)

The lady, from modesty, freed
went riding bestride a great steed
From beast ‘tween her thighs
there came a surprise
You see, the horse wasn't de-fleaed

Firm Glans-Shake

A well-endowed hunk watched a stripper
and felt himself strain at his zipper
From in the first row
enjoying the show
he actually managed to trip her

Rim shot. That's it. Goodnight, folks.
We've taken it all off. Stripper Week
is stripped clean at Limerwrecks.

Kleen-Exhibitionist

The strip-club was thirty degrees
and strippers were starting to freeze
One danced in a dress
of two-ply or less
and blew it all off with a sneeze

Testing Their Metal

Dubbed "Queene of Burlesque, Middle Age"
a wench once became all the rage
Her act had delighted
both knave and the knighted
She stripped off her chain-mail on stage

The Thief of BagTag

The Dodgers were put through the paces
when runner stole all of the bases
Werth started this burst
by singling to first
and then he was off to the races

Last night in the seventh inning against the Dodgers,
Jason Werth of the Phillies stole 2nd, 3rd and home--
all in a row. Earlier he had stolen third base in the fourth
inning. Read the story and see the video here

Tease and Nays

When paying the stripper to tease
a cheapskate went weak in the knees
He could not extol
a girl on a pole
who charged him exorbitant fees

Trunk Spunk

When watching the old bump and grind
a fellow preferred what’s behind
As strippers would strut
he’d watch nothing but
and do what his mom said would blind

3rd Degree Burning Desire

When peeling her flaming red veils
a stripper warmed cockles of males
Then cigarette lighter
she bumped did ignite her
and now she holds fire pole sales

Grab your pasties and a g-string,
it's Stripper Week at Limerwrecks.

Top Hat Trick

Possessing a rare savoir faire
his dancing seemed lighter than air

In waltz or toe-tapper

he's charming and dapper

No star has the flair of Astaire

Pearls After Swine

On Subject of sickness and swine
this writer's inclined to opine
From dogs you'll get fleas
from hogs, a disease
A virus of porcine design

Surly

The Plague Doctor

For whom will the Plague Doctor come?
For those, my dear, who have succumbed
to cough or to sneeze
that leads to disease
He'll come for your dad and your Mum!

Norm

Drive-In, Freak Out

At drive-ins a movie was playing
that patrons found rather dismaying
The film was a thriller
that featured a killer
who lately at drive-ins was slaying

Targets was the first film by Peter Bogdanovich and
one of the last of Boris Karloff's. Karloff played an aging
horror film star at odds with the very real horror of a
psychotic Viet Nam vet turned sniper.

Unholy Matrimony

I married a monster from space
though I couldn’t tell from his face
A regular guy
to my naked eye
though parts of him felt out of place

Gloria Talbot weds Tom Tryon in I Married a Monster from Outer Space (Gene Fowler Jr., 1958).

Lagoon Squad

When smitten by babe in lagoon
the creature just wanted to spoon
But back in his cave
she wouldn’t behave
Seems Cupid was shot by harpoon

Julie Adams and the Creature From the Black Lagoon.

Soft Sell Crabs

When doctors discovered the scabs

she blamed an attack of the crabs

But claimed she was clean

and didn't demean

her virtue in backseats of cabs

Little Green Menace

Don’t take these green men to your leaders
They're just steaks to these mean bottom feeders
Your females they'll carry
and forcibly marry
to make them their outer space breeders

Welcome to Drive-In week at Limerwrecks

Time Tripping

To travel through time, what a blast!
To visit the future or past
See dinosaurs roam
primordial home
or rockets cruise galaxies vast

But making a retro-time trip
be careful, and try not to slip
And watch where you tread
‘cause bugs you squash dead
may turn all your mem’ries to zip

Smuttering

With some folks each word that they utter

arises from out of the gutter

Their every last vowel

is filthy and foul

Their mouths would melt far more than butter


Here at Limerwrecks we are often chastised for
not writing true 'blue' limericks. To that we say
"heck!" If you want the classic dirty limerick
there are plenty of other places to find them. We
love 'em too, but here at Limerwrecks we'll continue
to provide an kinder, gentler alternative, preferring
the double entendre to the explicit.

Furry Sundown

As bodies hormonally change
some teens will feel awkward and strange
What really feels weird
is a full-body beard
and getting a bad case of mange