Cast Of Shadows

The outcome looks bleak, turning grim
The morals are murky and dim
Noir lurks in the dark
in lighting so stark
the chances of daylight are slim

For You I Die

It's not that I'm that kind of guy
but something says For You I Die
I'm sharp and too vital
to fall for that title
But somebody here has to fry

A not-quite-noir, For You I Die is an atmospheric
melodrama directed by John Reinhardt from 1947.

Jack Cardiff, R.I.P.

From mountain drop dizzying steep
to lipstick red ravishing deep
D.P.'s patron saint
with film stock would paint
bold colour to make the eyes weep



Jack Cardiff, a master of Technicolor, was the director of
photography on A Matter Of Life and Death, Black Narcissus
(pictured) and The Red Shoes, as well as many other films.

Bleed Dating

When wielding a gore dripping axe
a feller just has to face facts
At dinner his dates
won't finish their plates
They find it too hard to relax.

Uncomfortably Crumb

Crumb's comic books lifted the lid
exposing his innermost id
These underground works
are full of his quirks
and fetishes formed as a kid



Take Weirdo, Joe Blow or the Snoid
Self-censorship Crumb has destroyed
In big bulbous shoes
he trampled taboos
It’s ‘Bigfoot’ imagined by Freud

Lost and Sound

Guitarist straight out of Nantucket
did not use a pick--he'd just pluck it
But, ear to the ground
he picked up a sound
He'd found the lost chord and he struck it

Pigskin Charade

With her I'd like playing so much

Don't care if it's tackle or touch

I'd jack up the score

and I'd be so sore

My equipment would need its own crutch

I, Miss Uniroyal

This dame's nearly eighteen feet tall!
They say her name's "Vanna White Wall"
Peoria's lass
is all fiberglass
Please mind where you stand, she might fall

To read about Peoria's "Vanna", go here

Maxine Cooper, R.I.P.

As Velda, worked under Mike Hammer
providing the "Woo Bait" and glamour
The Kiss Me Dead star
did not go too far
but just far enough to enamor

Maxine Cooper Gomberg, a Chicago-born actress best known
for playing the secretary in the 1955 film noir classic "Kiss Me
Deadly," has died. She was 84.

In "Deadly," private detective Mike Hammer specilaizes in
divorce cases. His secretary Velda lures men into compro-
mising postions for Hammer to photograph.

Ms. Gomberg was also a social activist, helping to organize
actors, writers and executives to march in the 1960s with
the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. in Montgomery, Ala. She
also marshaled the entertainment community to participate
in protests against the Vietnam War and nuclear weapons,
among other causes.

Happy-Go-Yucky

I'm happy and don't give a damn
As happy, perhaps, as a clam
A mollusk, if moody
would bollocks this foodie,
as apt to cram bivalves I am

Red Velvet Mood Swing

It seems our Depression Week frown
did nothing but bring readers down
And so, we take heed
and turn, like Candide
to play Pagliacci-ish clown

Walter Brennan Embraces Islam

A Real McCoy talks with a limp
A fish by a buoy will stalk shrimp

The whirlish was derved

So butterflies swerved

With joy just to gawk at a blimp

Paradise Tossed

It's his side of heaven, not hers

And man wants what woman avers

What shes find to taste
the hes think is waste
Though lesbians each side prefers

Surly Knott

Precipistle

I’ve pushed myself up to the edge
My bets I can no longer hedge
The bungee, untied
it’s time to decide
just whether I’ll step from the ledge


Look out below! Limerwrecks' Not-so-great
Depression Week has hit the pavement.

Big Bang Weary

The universe ever expands
Our destiny’s out of our hands
There’s not much to do
‘cept take in the view
till snapping like stretched rubber bands

Among Us a Fungus Humongous

As diplomats dither and bungle
we follow the law of the jungle
It’s war, claw and fang
till someday, a bang
emitting a cloud that is fungal

Cash Poorboy

My fortunes have downwardly spun
I'm hungry but funds I have none
With bills and no fare
my cupboard is bare
I’ve nothing to eat but this gun


Norm Hack

Broke Joke

I'm broke and in more ways than one

I'm busted and also undone

I guess I'm confessing

depression's depressing

and too much of nothing's no fun

Surly Knott

Deepression

I’m locked in a dark prison cell
a dismal and bottomless well
Its skeleton key
they’ll bury with me
Life sentenced to self-imposed hell

Maybe it's my cheery Eastern European outlook,
maybe it's the state of the world. In either case,
it's Depression Days here at Limerwrecks.

Diet Right

When finding their cottage a sight
at first the three bears had a fright
But to their relief
it wasn’t a thief
and Goldilocks tasted just right

The illustration above is by Chicago artist
Scott Gustafson. Visit his website here

A Weinie for Fellini

Three genies, nee Queenie, foretell,

"We see Ciccolini in hell

His ivory touch

can't buy very much

Just teeny bikinied Jacques Brel!"

The "I"s Have It

Whenever a push comes to shove

the answer to "Who do you Love?"

will aways be "me"

I come before thee

and me I hold no one above

Though really, it out to be "whom." We'll stop asking

the Big Questions now--we don't like the answers.

Darwin Or Lose

All life has evolved from a cell
Dividing, it split, then a swell
of species, then races
with differing faces
All brothers, but you couldn't tell

Persona Non Nada

My person is bare, nothing’s left
Who am I if I am bereft?
In fact, who is "I"?
My self, say “goodbye”
A victim, identity theft

Daze Dream

Are things that we see what they seem?
Or is all of life but a dream?
Is that which we feel
the truth, or unreal
Or am I just way off the beam?

Twiddle-Dee Deity

At top of the Big Question list
the biggest is, "Does God exist?"
Or, facing unknown
are we all alone?
By asking, did He just get pissed?

It's Big Questions week at Limerwrecks.

Sellbound

Each night Alfred Hitchcock Presents
did murder with chilling suspense
"Good evening," he'd say
beginning each play,
then joke at the sponsor's expense



NBC is streaming "highlights"of episodes of the
Alfred Hitchcock Hour on their website, here

Making a Splash

Though liquid, he isn't a drink
When tired he sleeps in the sink
Then drips down the drain
while leaving a stain...
Splash Brannigan's made out of ink


The above artwork, Splash Brannigan, Sidney Kaput and Daisy Screensaver are © and trademark ABC Comics 2009.
Splash Brannigan and his pals dampened the pages of the ABC comic Tomorrow Stories and were created by Alan Moore and Hilary Barta. Script: Peter Hogan  Art: Hilary Barta  Color: Michelle Madsen  Lettering: Todd Klein

Moe Better Booze

This must be a cousin of Moe's

His knuckles drag down on his toes

He drinks so much Duff

he swims in the stuff

and pukes on his colorful clothes

Illustration of comics artist Scott Beaderstadt

by Alex Ross. Colors by Mr. Beaderstadt.

Low Status Quo

A system of money and clout
is bound to have more than one lout
But all those in power
do not need to cower
The D.A. can’t root them all out


"There's so much corruption and
so little time" says Northern Illinois
District Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald.

Purple Maize

A farmer who hailed from Nantucket
would carry his corn in a bucket
He'd squeeze on his cob
until his hand throbbed
and then he would bend down and...shuck it


Yeah, it really is just about corn.

April fools!