Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Blood, Sweat and Sneers

In performances Edward would pour
All his blood, sweat and tears and much more
But the critics grew bored
(And one twit even snored)
So he gored them and evened the score.

Vincent Price (as Shylock) gets in a dig at his critics in Theatre of Blood. With Harry Andrews and Diana Rigg.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Queer Factor

Don't provoke the King Lear in this player
Or the bloke turns Shakespearean slayer
Your new hairdo will fizzle
When like Paris you'll sizzle
And the joke can't appear any gayer.

Vincent Price, Diana Rigg and Coral Browne In Theatre of Blood. Image source: Negative Pleasure.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Only His Hairdresser Knows For Sure

Some critics and imps will insist
That Vincent was limp in the wrist
Was he actually gay?
Or just acting "that way"?
Such pics can't be simply dismissed.

My answer, of course, is "Who cares?" Vincent Price and Diana Rigg in Theatre of Blood. Image source: Vincent F***ing  Price. Thanks to D. Cairns for kibbitzing.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Hairdos and Don'ts

When looking to redo her hair
She's booked for a seat in his chair   
But it turns out the dryer
Just burns like a fryer
And she's cooked to a medium rare.

Coral Browne sizzles in Theatre of Blood. With Vincent Price.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Piping Hot Seat

With her pans a belittling roast,
He laid plans for a fitting riposte
So she's taken a seat            
Where she'll bake from the heat
First she's tans, then this critic is toast.

Coral Browne takes the hot seat in Theatre of Blood. With Diana Rigg and Vincent Price. For a treasure trove of stills, screen grabs and photos of Mr. Price, I urge you to visit this Vincent Price Tumblr blog.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Pucker Punch

What makes Kimble so hard to resist?
Why do women feel ardor when kissed?
Is a sensitive hunk        
Really best in the bunk?
My name is Gerard and I'm pissed.

Richard Kimble hit more than the road. Was Lt.Gerard's frustration in part due to jealousy? David Janssen, with Vera Miles, Suzanne Pleshette and Susan Oliver. You've hit on Fugitive Fridays.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Straight and Switch?

Forgive bad reviews from those dolts?
This livid scene-chewer revolts!
One burns to a crisp
When he turns on the lisp 
And gives her a few hundred volts. 

Vincent Price throws the switch in Theatre of Blood, and curls the hair of Coral Browne. Okay, maybe he stops just short of a lisp.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

The Permanent Permanent

As a critic she's earned his abuse
She's a bitch and he's cooking her goose
When she's strapped in the chair
The poor sap's unaware
There's a switch which will turn on the juice.

Vincent Price warms up future wife Coral Browne in Theatre of Blood.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Afro Pics

At his hairiest Vince steals a scene
With the scariest mincing routine
Like some gay Carry On
And cliché de salon,
He's the fairy-est disco-dressed queen.

Camping it up as "Butch", Vincent Price wigs out in Theatre of Blood. With Coral Browne in curlers.

Monday, February 20, 2012

R.I.P. Elyse Knox

She's a twentieth century fox
A bombshell who knocks off our socks
Her alluring array
Led Turhan astray,
Where the High Priest the hottie defrocks.

Well, not quite, though Bey was more than willing. Actress, model and fashion designer Elyse Knox has died (1917-2012). During her brief film career in the 1940s, Knox starred in the Joe Palooka series, the Cornell Woolrich adaptation I Wouldn't Be in Your Shoes, as well as The Mummy's Tomb with Turhan Bey. She was a popular pin-up during WW2, and was the mother of actor Mark Harmon.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Rouge Morgue

Upset with what critics had said
The thespian wished he was dead
But the guy turned the page
And decided to wage
A vendetta he's written in red.

Price and Rigg lead a group of meths-heads in Theater of Blood.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Critical Mass Destruction

We sat through his addle-brained Titus
And the prat should have had laryngitis
The reviews that we wrote,
Far too brutal quote,
Like the cat have come back now to bite us.

The critics gather in Theatre of Blood: Renée Asherson, Charles Sinnickson, Jack Hawkins, Robert Morley and his edible poodles, Ian Hendry, Madeline Smith, Harry Andrews, Coral Browne, Robert Coote and Arthur Lowe.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Flaw and Order

The charges against him were wrong
Behind bars Kimble doesn't belong
But the law doesn't care
That justice could err,
So Gerard just keeps plugging along.

On Fugitive Fridays, Dr. Richard Kimble (David Janssen) is relentlessly pursued by Police Lieutenant Philip Gerard (Barry Morse).

Thursday, February 16, 2012

All the World's a Stooge

Not given their rotten award
The bitter psychotic was floored
From his suicide act
They knew he was cracked
Then their critical body count soared.

Vincent Price protests to Coral Browne in Theatre of BloodTitle by that dotty Scotsman, David Cairns. Image source: Cool Ass Cinema

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Droll Player

Finding fault, you denied him his prize
Oy gevault! You will find that unwise
Never slight the barnstormer
He's quite the transformer
And assaults from behind a disguise.

David Cairns and Surly Hack

Just a few of the many faces -- and mustaches -- of the vengeful actor played by Vincent Price in Theatre of Blood.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Socket Wrenching

A wiseguy who'll mock you, not hug,
He tries to be cocky and smug
But the schmuck will need healing
When in touch with his feelings,
His eyes from their sockets are dug.

To his peril, tony critic Ian Hendry dismisses actor Vincent Price in Theatre of Blood. Image source: Cool Ass Cinema

Monday, February 13, 2012

Charnel Knowledge

This actor keeps horrible tabs
Of detractors in drawers and on slabs
He loses his mind
And chooses to blind
The last one with orbital stabs.

Vincent Price kills the critics in Theatre of Blood Keeping his eyes on demise, David Cairns coined today's title.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

The Eyes Have It

For approval the thespian longed
And losing it, felt he'd been wronged
Not getting to play act
He settled for payback,
By choosing revenge that's two-pronged.

Vincent Price loads a murderous, eye-popping contraption in Theatre of Blood. Here's a link to an earlier limerick with the same title.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Ham on Wry

His notices weren't too good
They wrote they'd prefer viewing wood
They dubbed him "dendritic",
But he's snubbed ev'ry critic
As only a murderer could.

David Cairns and Surly Hack

Vincent Price sharpens his knives in Theatre of Blood (1973). In our limerick lexicon, "Dendritic" is defined as tree-like, or wooden.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Shady Ladies Man

In pursuit of his one-armed objective
He's so cute that the gals feel protective
So tall and so dark
That they all want to park
Guess that hair dye is fairly effective.

Suzanne Pleshette played one of the many women that wants to run with David Janssen on The Fugitive. Love comes to Fugitive Fridays.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Kennel Club Sandwich

Though his tummy's as big as his eyes,
The dummy won't dig this surprise
He gets to digest
The pets he loved best,
In yummy hot poodle-filled pies.

You'll probably be glad to know that this is the last of Robert Morley and his poodles, but there's more in store for Theatre of Blood.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Wait, There's Morley!

After sitting through Lionheart's Lear
This critic decided to jeer
But he wished he would die
When Ed dished him a pie,
Admitting, inside he felt queer.

Robert Morley and Vincent Price, as critic Merideth Merridew and actor Edward Lionheart, in Theatre of Blood.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Grief, It's What's For Dinner

With derision don't ever provoke
This vicious and clever old bloke
He'll feed you a luncheon
You'll greedily munch on
A delicious yet devilish joke.

Vincent Price knows what's cooking In Theatre of Blood.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Choke and Gagger

As a theater critic he'd kvetch
About each little skit that he'd catch
But the hair of the dog
Caused his airway to clog,
And left speechless, this Briton would retch.

Robert Morley and Vincent Price in Theatre of Blood.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Obscene Cuisine

The "special" was utterly haute
He ingested so much that he'd bloat
Its mysterious flavor
He'd tearfully savor
As the recipe stuck in his throat.

Robert Morley bites the dust in Theatre of Blood.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Pink Void

He's a pink and pretentious old prat
So full of himself he grew fat
But a dish served by Vince
Makes the swishy guy wince
In a case of immense tit for tat.

In Theatre of Blood, Robert Morley suffers the unpleasant fate of Tamora in Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus. Don't let Limerwrecks suffer a cruel fate through neglect. Tell a friend, post a link, and spread the word!

Friday, February 3, 2012

Making It On The Lam

On the go, a new story, new name
To and fro, it's just more of the same
East coast to Big Sur
The road starts to blur,
So they throw me a gorgeous new dame.

For a guy the gals seem to find irresistible, Richard Kimble sure is a sourpuss. David Janssen, Suzanne Pleshette and Joanna Frank. It's all about the ladies on Fugitive Fridays.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Bow-Wow Chow

Indulging his miniature pets
Their place at the table he sets
As his children he treats them,
And gets ill when he eats them --
As disgusting as dinnertime gets!

Robert Morley and his poodles, with Arthur Lowe in Theatre of Blood. Believe me, as a dog lover myself, writing these is very, very weird.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Mutt and Chef

As a glutton you'll not be denied
For this buttery glop, open wide!
Your nappy haired pets
Your appetite whets
When the mutts have been chopped up and pied.

Dinner is served: Vincent Price and Diana Rigg in Theatre of Blood. These are the dog days of our Vincentennial tribute to Mr. Price.