Mummy and Deady

In rags mummy Kharis is bound
As he drags his poor carcass around
So unsteady and beat
He looks dead on his feet
Toe-tag the old fart--he's unsound.

Image: Western star Tom Tyler shakes The Mummy's Hand (Christy Cabanne; 1940). Title by David "Mum's the word" Cairns.

Weak Like an Egyptian

This dummy's now billed as a "ghost"
And he stumbles from pillar to post
He's rotting, can't speak
And his plotlines all creak
The mummified killer is toast.

Lon Chaney Jr. was wrapped in linen once again in the next to last film in the Mummy series, The Mummy's Ghost (Reginald LeBorg; 1944).  Tile by weak-kneed David Cairns.

Woebegone With the Wind

Once reborn with alarm and a sew,
He's since torn off an arm from old Krogh
Now, the life all but gone,  
He can't stifle a yawn
He has worn out his charm and must go.

Glenn Strange portrays the Monster in his last, feeble appearance in Abbott and Costello Snuff the Life Out of Frankenstein (1948). Having shut down the HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN, it's time to say goodbye to the other Universal Monsters.

Pest in Peace

Alas and alack, here lies Larry
His ass dressed in black they'll soon bury
But as tears fall like rain,
He'll spread fear once again
Poor bastard comes back, mad and hairy.

We're closing the door on HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN, though Universal left it open. Image: Maria Ouspenskaya, Claude Rains, and Lon Chaney Jr. in The Wolf Man (1941). Title by peacenik David Cairns.

Hair Lies...

Life has ceased for this loony, first class
No more beast to impugn and harass
His path saddled with thorns
His poor daddio mourns
He'll at least have a funeral mass.

Larry Talbot meets his predestined end in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Maria Ouspenskaya and Claude Rains look down on a lupine and supine Lon Chaney Jr in The Wolf Man (1941).

Who's Afraid of the Big Sad Wolf?

Larry's stuck in a terrible mood
Out of luck, in despair, he'll just brood
His perpetual state
Is to fret about fate
But the schmuck has to scare up some food.


Larry Talbot is a barrel of laughs in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Maria Ouspenskaya and Lon Chaney Jr. in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (Roy William Neill; 1943).

Disquiet, Please

First he's pulling out throats, the blood spurting
Then from wolf to the goat he's reverting
All this change makes him queasy
He feels strange and uneasy
Prefers wool--the fur coat's disconcerting.

All's unwell in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Lon Chaney Jr., looking uncomfortable.

Crybaby Wolf

Pity poor little, frightened, lost Larry
On the moor late one night he did tarry
Now he whines and he frets
Every time the sun sets
'Cause he's sure full moon's light gets him hairy.

HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN: A morose Larry Talbot, aka the Wolf Man, is comforted by Ilonka, a gypsy girl. Image: Lon Chaney Jr. and Elena Verdugo in House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944). Title by David "Baby face" Cairns.

Wild Fang

When he's Larry he mopes, wears a scowl
As a werewolf he lopes, on the prowl
Always goes for their throats
As he sows his wild oats
While he merrily gropes with a howl.

Wolf Man Larry Talbot lusts after Gwen Conliffe in our make believe limerick film, HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Lon Chaney Jr. and Evelyn Ankers in a trailer for The Wolf Man (1941).

Rampage Cannot Be Displayed

Depredations more vicious, intenser
And sensations delicious, immenser
If they're spied on the screen
Not implied and unseen
Try the patience of fish-eyed old censor.

David Cairns

Something horrible is shadowed in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: A body is discovered on the moors in The Wolf Man (1941).The actors with lanterns might be Ralph Bellamy and/or Warren William.

Transformer: Dork of the Moon

Like a nightmare, Lon's suddenly vexed
From a bite where his blood's gotten hexed
Turning vividly bristly
Like a widow from Sicily
He affrights, scares and murders -- you're next!

David Cairns



Things get hairy in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Larry Talbot (Lon Chaney Jr.) transforms into the Wolf Man in House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton; 1944).

A Ham to the Slaughter

With Lon's playing, it's "less isn't more"
First he'll bay, then aggressively roar
On cadavers he'll feast
Like a ravenous beast
His portrayal's a mess, but no bore.

David Cairns

The werewolf chews op the scenery in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Lon Chaney Jr. and Evelyn Ankers in The Wolf Man (1941).

Death With Archie

So Riverdale's redhead was shot
He could live or drop dead, I care not
It's just shtick to hook schnooks
An old trick to sell books
So don't give them your bread--it's a plot.

No doubt "Double-Sized" is twice as expensive.