The Quite-a-Mess Xperiment

Its flesh is defective and scabby
(The special effects are quite shabby)
That damn splurge that attacked us
Was man merged with cactus
Indiscretion in Westminster Abbey.

David Cairns


An astronaut (Victor Wordsworth) infected by an alien organism returns to Earth, and his body begins to mutate by absorbing other lifeforms: The Quatermass Xperiment a.k.a. The Creeping Unknown (Val Guest; 1955).

Please, Sir, I Want Some Moreau

When he's up to his elbows in leopard
This wild pup sure as hell won't play shepherd
But this dog's had his day
Demagogue won't hold sway
They all sup on the fellow, unpeppered.

David Cairns


The beast-men take their revenge Dr. Moreau (Charles Laughton) in Island of Lost Souls (Erle C. Kenton; 1932).

Are We Not Menacing?

Who cuts up the lowly, untamed?
Who guts the poor souls, unashamed?
Who alters a screech
To halting, beast-speech?
This nut named Moreau's to be blamed.


Charles Laughton as Doctor Moreau in Island of Lost Souls (Erle C. Kenton; 1932).

Sonnuva Frankenstein

He's a cranky big guy, but no baddie
No thanks to his highly-strung "daddy"
His mug isn't pretty
But the lug has our pity
He's Frankenstein's science-born laddie.


Boris Karloff, memorable as the Monster in Frankenstein (James Whale; 1931). Thanks to David Cairns and Donald Benson for the assist.

Doctor Deranged

What kink made the doctor create her
And think some poor blockhead should date her?
Will this feline, all girl
Give a heman a whirl?
The stinky old crock should just crate her!


Island of Lost Souls (Erle C. Kenton; 1932) stars Charles Laughton as Dr. Moreau, and
Kathleen Burke as Lota, the Panther Woman.

Keep Our City Clean

Perhaps, deep inside, Kong was good. 
But that doesn't mean that he could
Have made a nice pet.
You mustn't forget
What bears always do in the wood.

Donald B. Benson

Bruce Cabot, Fay Wray, and Robert Armstrong react to King Kong (Merian C. Cooper and Ernest B. Schoedsack; 1933).

Frankenstein Meets the Sandman

When asked what he thought of a waterbed,
The Monster growled, "Give me a hotterbed.
I've slept within ice
And it wasn't too nice.
So dry is the bunk where I oughterbed."

Donald B. Benson


Bela Lugosi is the Monster in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (Roy William Neill; 1943).

Shadowy Cabinet

See Doc Caligari's old cabinet?
If I spot it on eBay, I'm grabinet
To place in my room
Of expressionist gloom --
In jammies of black I'll look fabinet.


Donald B. Benson

Werner Krauss is the title doctor in The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (Robert Wiene; 1920).

Natty Dead

Bela ended his days stony broke
Told his friends, "So, OK, when I croak,
And I'm pressed in my coffin
My rest it will soften
To spend it arrayed in my cloak."

David Cairns

On the Growl

Chaney Jr. excelled wearing fur
As a moon-chasing hellhound or cur
But by day he had charm
Wouldn't scare, scar or harm
Till his lunatic spell made him grrrr. 

David Cairns


Lon Chaney Jr. in The Wolf Man (George Waggner; 1941).

Bit or Miss

Miss Dracula leans to the sapphic
Though her scenes aren't obscene or too graphic
She adores blood donation
With an oral fixation
So she snacks on the teen demographic.

David Cairns


Nan Grey falls prey to Gloria Holden in Dracula's Daughter (Lambert Hillyer; 1936).

Pounding Sandor

I'm a dud, a cold fish, I'm a swine!
But this cuddly dish is divine!
Like a moth to a flame
I dig goth on a dame--
Oh buddy, I wish she were mine!


Countess Marya Zaleska (Gloria Holden) is worshipped by her manservant Sandor (future director Irving Pichel) in Dracula's Daughter (Lambert Hillyer; 1936).

Like a Goth to a Flame

How her kinship to Dracula's wrought her!
She's his sinister, black-shrouded daughter!
Can her fortunes be turned
When, by torch daddy's burned?
See her lineage crackle! Get water!


Gloria Holden is Dracula's Daughter (Lambert Hillyer; 1936).