Moonshine For the Misbegotten

They pay him to murder by rote
The player prefers to emote
As limping old lunk
He simply gets drunk
Essaying a perf that's one note.

Lon Chaney Jr. slogs through one of the Mummy films. Who can tell which one? Title by ill-gotten Donald B. Benson.

You've Got Male

He drinks tana, makes jokes that are lewd
If he can, he will choke you--how rude!
Though a crusty old mummy
He's lusty and scummy
Because, man, this jamoke's still a dude.

Lon Chaney Jr and Ramsay Ames in The Mummy's Ghost (Reginald Le Borg; 1944).

Tana-Tea-Totalled

He's gimpy, but hot to embrace her
He limps from dry rot, but he'll pace her
In a rut, but not slowing  
Just what keeps Lon going?
Put simply, a shot and a chaser.

Lon Chaney Jr and Ramsay Ames in a still for The Mummy's Ghost (Reginald Le Borg; 1944). Title by David Cairns, like totally.

Monster Mush

The object of wonder and dread,
He lobbies for one he can wed
But the miss they create
Will dismiss him as mate
She's a snob, and the honeymoon's dead.

Colin Clive, Elsa Lanchester, Boris Karloff, and Ernest Thesiger in Bride of Frankenstein (James Whale; 1935).

Restoration Tragedy

All he's known and desired laid waste
Dust and bone, long expired, and erased
But for Kharis, no peace
Not a prayer for release
All alone and bone tired, displaced.

Lon Chaney Jr. as Kharis in The Mummy's Tomb (Harold Young; 1942), Title by restorative Donald B. Benson.

The Ghoul Can't Help It

This mummy-turned-freak has some nerve
Her yummy physique he'd preserve
"Only first she must die
And be cursed, same as I."
For a crummy antique he's a perv.

Boris Karloff and Zita Johann in The Mummy (Karl Freund; 1932).

Isn't It Necromantic?

This fink is so sick he could drool
She shrinks from the icky old ghoul
The mystical geezer 
Insists he can please her
He thinks that the chick's old, old school. 

Boris Karloff creeps out and Zita Johann in The Mummy (Karl Freund; 1932).

Happy Ever Afterlife?

This Mummy will lust as before
When summoned, he just wants to score
His quarry seems trapped
Then Boris gets zapped
And crumbles to dust on the floor.



Zita Johann asks the goddess Isis to protect her from Boris Karloff in The Mummy (Karl Freund; 1932). Title by Donald B. Benson.

Scarred For Wife

The grimmest of patchwork, but hey,
To him they're a match, wants to play
They're stiffs newly stitched
And if they got hitched
What dimwit would catch the bouquet?

Elsa Lanchester and Boris Karloff in Bride of Frankenstein (James Whale; 1935). Welcome to Franken-Fridays.

Pyramid-Life Crisis

The mummy (here played by Tom Tyler)
Guards the princess but hopes to defile ‘er.
After quaffing his swill
He sets out to kill
Can there really be anything viler?

Paul Truster



Western star Tom Tyler as Kharis in The Mummy's Hand (Christy Cabanne; 1940), before and after mummification.

Portrait of the Mummy as a Young Man

Warm evenings alongside the Nile
Tana leaves, a sweet song, a sly smile
When a tyro, young Kharis
Felt Cairo was Paris
Now he's evil prolonged, Mummy-style.

James Finn Garner



Tom Tyler as Kharis, pre-mummification, in The Mummy's Hand (Christy Cabanne; 1940). Writer Jim Garner is the host of the poetry site Bardball, dedicated to "Reviving the art of baseball doggerel."

Heat, Drink, and Be Scary

Across sands he will totter to chug
Steaming tana, this rotter's pet drug
With one sip the old goat
Gets a grip on your throat
He's a bandaged and throttling thug.

Lon Chaney Jr. has a thirst in The Mummy's Ghost (Reginald Le Borg; 1944).

Pharaohs of Outrageous Fortune

With a royal he tried to elope
But that joy was denied him, poor dope
Unburied, he trudges
And carries old grudges
Loverboy now a dried-up old mope.

Lon Chaney Jr. takes over the role of Kharis in The Mummy's Tomb (Harold Young; 1942).