Handymanslaughter

Frye gets murdered by Karloff two times
Fates incurred, on a par with his crimes
He is hung up, poor goof
And then slung off a roof
So for thirds, what bizarre method rhymes?

David Cairns

Boris Karloff's Monster kills both Fritz and Karl, Dwight Frye's toadies in Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein. Image: Edward Van Sloan, Karloff, Frye, and Colin Clive in Frankenstein (James Whale; 1931).

Enter Limping

With no dearie to gaze at and shag
Kharis wearies, decays, and goes stag
From the crypt of the Bs
Comes the scripts made of cheese
And the series' clichés start to drag.

Lon Chaney staggers out of The Mummy's Tomb (Harold Young; 1942).

Wake Like an Egyptian

This Mummy's a snooze, in slow-motion
He comes when one brews him a potion
All wrinkly and dried
You'd think he had died
His bum sure could use a good lotion.

Yousef Bey (John Carradine) summons the Mummy (Lon Chaney) with tana leaves in The Mummy's Ghost (Reginald Le Borg; 1944). Title by half-awake Donald B. Benson.

The Same Old Choke

This rickety wreck should be dead
Inflicting all heck here instead
With one working arm
Has fun doing harm
Constricting the neck 'neath your head.

The Mummy (Lon Chaney Jr.) squeezes Cajun Joe (Kurt Katch) in The Mummy's Curse (Leslie Goodwins; 1944). Title by the same old Donald B. Benson.

Kharis is Burning

He's ablaze! All his wraps have been lighted!
It's amazing, the chap's just ignited!
How he brightens the room
With his frightening doom!
He'll be razed! Are we happy? Delighted!

David Cairns

Dr. John Banning (John Hubbard) and Kharis the Mummy (Lon Chaney Jr.) do the Frankenstein Monster torch bit in The Mummy's Tomb (Harold Young; 1942).

Karl Up and Died

He's surly, deformed and most sour
A churl who's enormously dour
His offensiveness ceases
When this dense piece of feces
Get's hurled, in a storm, from a tower.

David Cairns

In Bride of Frankenstein (James Whale; 1935), thuggish henchman Karl (Dwight Frye) kidnaps Elizabeth Frankenstein (Valerie Hobson), and eventually meets a savage and abrupt end.

Knock, Knock. Ghoul's There

In your room something dares to intrude
There it looms, doesn't care that it's rude
Standing square in your door
Primed and raring to score,
Raise a tomb-loving, scare-happy brood.



Virginia Christine gets a surprise visit from Lon Chaney Jr in The Mummy's Curse (Leslie Goodwins; 1944). With Ann Codee,

Gone With the Windpipe

See Lon Chaney in dressings all tangled
He looks drained, carcass messed up and mangled 
He's lost pep, is subpar...
He should schlep to E.R.
But complain, you're aggressively strangled.

David Cairns

Mummy Chaney throttles watchman Oscar O'Shea in The Mummy's Ghost (Reginald Le Borg; 1944).

Play Musty For Me

In races he'll grimace and lag
Disgraced by a limb he must drag   
Finds his princess at last
But he winces, aghast
At the face of a withered old hag.



Denied the restorative powers of the brew from tana leaves, the reincarnated Princess Ananka starts to age rapidly. The Mummy's Ghost (Reginald Le Borg; 1944) Lon Chaney, Jr. as the mummy Kharis, Ramsay Ames as Ananka.

Mummy Fried

In makeup (old vagrant, greasepainty)
He'll bake (sad to say, can't be dainty)
His high perspiration
Brings dry observation:
"Land's sake, that guy's fragrant!" (Well, ain't he?)

Donald B. Benson

Lon Chaney, Jr. and Turhan Bey in The Mummy's Tomb (Harold Young; 1942).

Organ Finder

 A spare part in a jar goes "tick-tock"
Some poor tart in the dark had a shock
The deceased left no clues
"A police case" ain't news
 "Have a heart," remarks Karl to the doc.

David Cairns

Dwight Frye as Karl, with Colin Clive and Ernest Thesiger, the mad doctors in Bride of Frankenstein (James Whale; 1935).

Not Content With His Rot

This getup's a terrible fuss
I'm better off wearing a truss. 
Should bitch at Jack Pierce--
I itch something fierce,
And sweat where I daren't discuss.



Top: Virginia Christine nurses Lon Chaney on the set of The Mummy's Curse (1944). Above: Chaney holds his nose as make-up man Jack Pierce applies the finishing touches for The Mummy’s Ghost (1944). Title by malcontent Donald B. Benson.

Spillage of the Damped

Lon sweats under lamps and a spot
On sets he gets cramps when he's hot
His will starts to melt...
Would kill for a belt!
He bets he's so damp he could rot.

Is this Lon Chaney, cooling his head on the set in 1944? Title by Donald B. Benson, not wet behind the ears.