Beautiful Screamer

Her first name Illona, last Massey
Foreign accent alone made her classy
Staking Frankenstein soil
She looked swank as a royal
Could she act? Get a load of that chassis!


Two publicity shots of actress Ilona Massey, the top as Baroness Elsa Frankenstein for Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (1943). 
Born in Budapest, Massey was promoted as "the new Dietrich". 

Lady Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man

She's the Baroness, Frankenstein's kin
His name's Larry, who knows where he's been
Out of luck on their date,
He gets stuck at home plate,
When the hair starts to grow on his skin.

Surly Hack



Dinner at Ate

Dames adore the unfortunate schlub,
But from Chaney of yore came this cub
When his pelt starts to bristle
Though quite svelte, she's just gristle
For a maniac roaring for grub.

David Cairns

Ilona Massey as Baroness Elsa Frankenstein, and Lon Chaney Jr as Larry Talbot, the "Wolf Man", in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man.

Hairy Godmother

Ouspenskaya notes all the dangers
Of indenting the throats of poor strangers
And of wolves in men's clothing
Who are full of self-loathing
Those demented, fur-coated, shape-changers.

David Cairns and Surly Hack

Top: Lionel Atwill, Ilona Massey, Patric Knowles, Maria Ouspenskaya, Dwight Frye and Harry Stubbs in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (Roy William Neill; 1943). A glimpse of Frye on Dwight Frye-days.

Romany Ruins

The plight of this werewolf's a drag
At night he grows hair in a shag
It's lycanthropy's curse --
How can it get worse?
With a bite of this scary old bag!



Actually, Maria Ouspenskaya as the gypsy woman Maleva is pretty terrific; with Lon Chaney Jr as Larry Talbot, the "Wolf Man", in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (Roy William Neill; 1943). Title by ruinous David Cairns.

The Hair Club for Wolf Men

Does the moon make poor Talbot grow furry?
Is shampooing and dandruff a worry?
Is this man from a crypt
By lycanthropy gripped,
Or his view of reality blurry?

When graverobbers remove the wolfsbane from his crypt, Larry Talbot (Lon Chaney Jr) returns to life as the Wolf Man, and soon seeks help from the gypsy Maleva (Maria Ouspenskaya). The Monster (Béla Lugosi) is pushed into the background, with nothing to do. Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (Roy William Neill; 1943).

The Trouble With Hairy

Larry thought gypsy curses were bull
But he's caught when the moon rises full
Now his heart's fraught with pangs
As he starts sprouting fangs
And distraught at the hair he must pull.

Larry Talbot agonizes over becoming the "Wolf Man", as Maleva the gypsy woman looks on: Lon Chaney Jr and Maria Ouspenskaya in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (Roy William Neill; 1943).

Hair Today, Lon Tomorrow

Always moody, despairing or pouting,
Larry's brooding, his character doubting
"Am I man or a beast?
Has my sanity ceased?
Fangs protrude and long hair's started sprouting."

Larry Talbot, the "Wolf Man", calls on Maleva, the old gypsy woman:  Lon Chaney Jr and Maria Ouspenskaya in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (Roy William Neill; 1943).

Doctor, You've Got to be Killing

Seems this shock-fueled, unholy creation
Makes this doc sell his soul, risk damnation
Without qualm break his oath
And his common sense, both
The big the blockhead's too great a temptation

Dr. Mannering (Patric Knowles, center) throws caution to the wind and charges The Monster (Béla Lugosi) to full strength; with Larry Talbot, aka the Wolf Man (Lon Chaney Jr), in the matter of factly titled Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (Roy William Neill; 1943).

The Descent of Mannering

Stodgy doc vows The Monster should die
He's a Rock of Gibraltar type guy
But his will proves unequal --
He can't kill the film's sequel --
Because box office none can deny.

Patric Knowles is Dr. Mannering, in the matter of factly titled Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (Roy William Neill; 1943).

Bedside Mannering

This character fancies he's hip
To Vasaria plans a short trip
Meets a Baroness there
But the square doesn't care:
Half-dead air-heads make Mannering flip!

In Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (Roy William Neill; 1943), Patric Knowles is the less than scintillating Dr. Mannering; with Ilona Massey as Baroness Elsa Frankenstein, Maria Ouspenskaya as Maleva, and Béla Lugosi as Frankenstein's Monster.

Spark Attack

He survived when they scooped out his brain
Still alive, though the stupe is insane
Sharing loup-garou's fate
He won't re-cuperate
Strength deprived, he's too pooped to complain.

David Cairns



Béla Lugosi plays The Monster, Lon Chaney Jr is the loup garou (French for werewolf), and Patric Knowles is some doctor or other, in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (Roy William Neill; 1943).

Shrinking Violent

Look yonder! Behold, and beware!
The monster is strolling the square!
But the lumbering guy
Is as dumb as he's shy,
So don't holler, or scold him, or stare!

The Monster wanders into town and causes a panic: Béla Lugosi (or one of his stunt doubles) in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (Roy William Neill; 1943). Title by shrunken-headed David Cairns.

Fiesta Resistance

In the square in the village they swing
Festive parents and children all sing
It is folksy, good fun,
Till the yokels all run
When they're scared by this silly old thing.



After crashing the local festival, The Monster is steadied by Larry Talbot, aka the "Wolf Man": Béla Lugosi and Lon Chaney Jr in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (Roy William Neill; 1943). Title by party smasher David Cairns.

Sing-a-Lon

When and where did the series go wrong?
This first pairing just strings it along
It's a curse on the screen,
Universal routine
Where some character sings a dumb song!

In Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (1943), a performance (by Adia Kuznetzoff) of the, ahem, life-affirming folk song "Faro-la Faro-Li" enrages Larry Talbot, aka the Wolf Man, into a fit--then The Monster crashes the village festival. Title by well sung David Cairns.

Pleased to Eat You

A man-beastie befriends a monstrosity?
At the least, one expects animosity!
But with oddities "meeting"
Camaraderie's fleeting
This starts peaceful, but ends in atrocity.

Lon Chaney Jr as Larry Talbot, aka the Wolf Man, and Béla Lugosi as The Monster, in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (Roy William Neill; 1943). Tasty title by David Cairns, master of Shadowplay.

Inseparable Fiends

One has bolts that protrude from his neck
One is molting, hirsute as all heck
Though no birds of a feather
(Lon's furred, Bela's leather)
Both are dolts stuck in studio dreck.

David Cairns



Béla Lugosi is The Monster, and Lon Chaney Jr is the Wolf Man, in the aptly but unimaginatively titled Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (Roy William Neill; 1943).

Rabble Babble

In the village they're starting to chatter
They're not thrilled, and there's something the matter
Bela's monster, in town,
Meets wolf Lon and throws down...
Which will kill them, the former or latter?



Harry Stubbs, Lionel Atwill, and Dwight Frye gather at the Inn in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (Roy William Neill; 1943), the first "Monster Mash-up".  Dwight Frye-Days doesn't like the look of this.

Monsterdom and Dumber

Top drawer, first three movies were aces
Then Boris, Lon Jr replaces
With the fire extinguished,
All is dire, undistinguished
It's horror -- put through the old paces.

In The Ghost of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton; 1942), Lon Chaney Jr replaces Boris Karloff as The Monster, but Béla Lugosi returns as Ygor. At least Chaney made a better monster than the actors who followed him, Lugosi and Glenn Strange.

All Lon at Last

Dad successful as maimer on screen,
Son was destined to claim the big green
Though he aims for grotesque
He's just lame, a burlesque
And depressed at the same old routine.

David Cairns and Surly Hack

Son of the great silent film star, Lon Chaney Jr's career in horror seemed inevitable. Chaney played The Wolf Man, The Mummy, Dracula and Frankenstein's Monster for Universal, taking over the last of these in The Ghost of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton; 1942).

The Slide of Frankenstein

Made of lightning-empowered remains,
He's a fright as he glowers in chains
But this scene is a sequel
And on screen ain't the equal...
On the budget they've tightened the reigns.



Top: Lon Chaney Jr as The Monster in The Ghost of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton; 1942); Above and below: Boris Karloff in Bride of Frankenstein (James Whale; 1935). The idea in Ghost is good: The Monster is angered that Frankenstein refuses to recognize him. But the imagery is no match for that in Bride.

Ghost Traumatic Stress

It's a slog and ungainly, not classy
It's a dog, and it's plainly no Lassie
Just more monster flick shtick
With poor Lon, looking thick,
As they log a new brain in his chassis.

In The Ghost of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton; 1942), The Monster is a bit chunkier as played by Lon Chaney Jr.

I'll Take a Brain Check

Though a mind is a bad thing to waste
He's assigned one transplanted in haste
With this brain he's unhappy
Put it plainly, it's crappy
He's inclined to just to have it replaced.



The Monster wants a new brain: Lon Chaney Jr in The Ghost of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton; 1942). Title by David Cairns, whose check is in the mail.

The LONster of Frankenstein

A big mess, he got dumbs and not smarts
Once was dead, now he sometimes restarts
Hes no genius, but thrives
Having seen a few lives
Guess he's less than the sum of his parts.

Lon Chaney Jr as the new and unimproved Monster in The Ghost of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton; 1942).

Deliver Us From Evelyn

She was never among the top-rankers
Playing opposite monsters and cankers
So poor Evelyn fled
From each primeval dread
Saying "You're all truly horrible, Ankers."

David Cairns



British actress and "scream queen" Evelyn Ankers (17 August 1918 – 29 August 1985). Ankers starred in such horror and monster thrillers as The Wolf Man (top; 1941), The Ghost of Frankenstein (above; 1942), Son of Dracula (1943), The Mad Ghoul (1943), Weird Woman (1944), and The Invisible Man's Revenge (1944). In the UK, where David Cairns watches films, "Evelyn" is pronounced with a hard "E".

Esther Williams, R.I.P.

In her musicals, shot sub-aquatic,
It's not news that the plot's idiotic
But when Esther submerges
I'll confess to deep urges
Eyeing views that are spot-on erotic.



Rest in Peace, Esther Williams, August 8, 1921 -- June 6, 2013

From the The New York Times: Ms. Williams spoke of movie stardom as her “consolation prize,” won instead of the Olympic gold medal for which she had yearned. At the national championships in 1939, Ms. Williams, who was 17, won three gold medals and earned a place on the 1940 United States Olympic team. But Hitler invaded Poland, and the 1940 Olympics were canceled with the onset of World War II.

Burning Cessation

At the wrap up they turn and they stare
They're two saps about whom I don't care
I could give rat's thigh
If they live or they die:
Because, trapped, Lon burns medium rare!



The Monster (Lon Chaney Jr) is being burned alive at the climax of The Ghost of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton; 1942). Who cares about the fate of the town prosecutor, Erik Ernst (Ralph Bellamy) and Elsa Frankenstein (Evelyn Ankers)?!?

Bohmer's Odyssey

This dishonest and and quirky ex-doc
Has dishonored his surgical smock
With his license revoked,
In a vise-grip he's choked,
And at Lon's hands the jerk gets a shock.



Doctor Bohmer (Lionel Atwill) is no match for The Monster (Lon Chaney Jr) in The Ghost of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton; 1942).

Decline and Falter

Once a surgeon at home with incision,
Doctor Bohmer done lost his position
Now a lowly assistant,
To the role he's resistant
Therefore open to Ygor's ambition.

Lionel Atwill, as the disgraced and conniving Doctor Bohmer, in The Ghost of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton; 1942). Ygor convinces Bohmer to transplant his brain into the monster.

Disorder in the Court

This unfortunate case of dissection
Came up short in both grace and perfection
But Promethean spawn
Are bequeathed brazen brawn,
And in court he will raise an objection.

Lon Chaney Jr is The Monster and Cedric Hardwicke is Ludwig Frankenstein: The Ghost of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton; 1942).

Freedom Frighter

With this titan there ain't no restraining
Full of lightning, his strength he's regaining
Never stays long in shackles
It just raises his hackles
Not too bright though, his brain's still in training.

The Monster (Lon Chaney Jr) does a Houdini in The Ghost of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton; 1942). Thanks to tighter-title-writer David Cairns.

Electric Heel

Angry packs, upon sighting you, beat you
Then in shackles, held tightly, they seat you
Though not clever of brain,
You they'll never restrain
For the crackle of lightning completes you.

Lon Chaney Jr is The Monster and Janet Ann Gallow is Cloestine Hussman in The Ghost of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton; 1942). 

David Cairns is the coal-powered title generator.