Thursday, December 14, 2017

Captain Rehab

Has the captain gone nuts in his craft?
Has he snapped, started cuttin', gone daft?
Does he test his crew's limits
Like that pest Chester Nimitz?
Holy crap! Blood and guts flow abaft!

David Cairns

Richard Dix captains The Ghost Ship (Mark Robson; 1943). Limerick Lexicon: Abaft--at or near or toward the stern of a ship or tail of an airplane. You can look up Nimitz on your own.

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

A Queeg of Their Own

What happens to crews when they find
Themselves trapped in this bruising sea-bind:
As dark shadows loom large
There's a madman in charge
When their Captain starts losing his mind.

Richard Dix captains The Ghost Ship (Mark Robson; 1943). Donald Benson owns the title.

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Done, With Mirrors

In a heap in your bed, at death's door
Seems the Reaper has readied one more
In repose, with no breath
They suppose it's your death
If you "sleep like the dead," try to snore!

Cataleptic Katherine Emery takes a potentially fatal nap in Isle of the Dead (Mark Robson; 1945). Title done right by Donald Benson.

Monday, December 11, 2017

Ode to a Gruesome Turn

Great buckets of gore have been shed
Lives struck down in war, running red
An island of death
Of final, last breath
Souls plucked by the score join the dead.

Marc Cramer and Boris Karloff walk through a corpse-strewn battlefield at the start of Isle of the Dead (Mark Robson; 1945). Title by well turned Donald Benson.

Sunday, December 10, 2017

Veg of Glory

Despite thews, guts and brawn he's a loser
When abused by this monstrous big bruiser
Popeye's beaten by cretin
Till a neat tin is eaten
To the music of John Philip Sooser.

David Cairns and Donald B. Benson

Popeye seeks a spinach boost in Blow Me Down (1933).

Friday, December 8, 2017

Happiness is a Warm Goon

Karl feeds on his villainous spree
Bad deeds always fill him with glee
He's more than fulfilled
By horror he's thrilled!
He needs it to kill his ennui.

Dwight Frye as Karl, murderous henchman to Doctor Pretorius, enjoying his work in Bride of Frankenstein (James Whale;1935).

Thursday, December 7, 2017

Dirge Overkill

Lewton brings out the poet in me
And I sing as I go, do re mi
On the Isle of the Dead
I fall silent with dread
In a kingdom, like Poe's by the sea.

David Cairns

Boris Karloff and Marc Cramer draw near the Isle of the Dead (Mark Robson; 1945).

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Dead Skelton

They thought Knaggs was tipsy at dinner
Quite blotto! A dipso! The sinner!
They were vaguely misled
He had plague; now he's dead
Have they caught it? Their script's getting thinner...

David Cairns

Skelton Knaggs, Jason Robards Sr., Boris Karloff, and Helen Thimig (seated) in in Isle of the Dead (Mark Robson; 1945).

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Packaged Holiday

An unfeeling, and deeply wrong fate
Will steal up as she's sleeping quite late
Cataleptic in bed
With no pep, looking dead
She'll get sealed up for good in a crate.

David Cairns

Marc Cramer, Jason Robards Sr,, and Boris Karloff  in Isle of the Dead (Mark Robson; 1945). "This one really upset me as a kid," says David Cairns.

Monday, December 4, 2017

Early to Bed, Early Demise


On the Isle of the Dead you'll feel fine
And so smiling in bed you'll recline
But this nap spells your doom
As you're trapped in a tomb
Quickly filed under "zed," cased in pine.

David Cairns

Katherine Emery looks dead to the world in Isle of the Dead (Mark Robson; 1945). "This one really upset me as a kid," says David Cairns.

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Popeye the Assailer Man

Just one can has me twisting and flailing
And with anvil-like fists I'm assailing
One big blow to the features
Knocks him over the bleachers
When he lands he'll be blistered and wailing!

David Cairns

Popeye's spinach-fueled punch destroys both Bluto and the diner in We Aim To Please (1934).

Friday, December 1, 2017

Imployee of the Month

Grave-robbing? Don't hire Burke and Hare
It's a job for a firebrand who'll care
For with luck, who gets paid
Ain't some schmuck with a spade
For two bob young Dwight Frye will be there.

David Cairns

Dwight Frye as Fritz, and Colin Clive as Henry Frankenstein (James Whale; 1931).

Thursday, November 30, 2017

Tales From the Script

You're frightened you'll rot and draw flies?
Don't fight it, Death's not a surprise
If you stop on this isle
You'll drop dead in style
Our writers will plot your demise.

Jason Robards Sr,, Marc Cramer, and Boris Karloff in Isle of the Dead (Mark Robson; 1945). Title by David Cairns, who has script approval.

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Isle "M" For Morbid

A quarantine keeps them ashore
In a horror that's creepy sans gore
No slasher or beast
Will gnash them deceased
But old Boris has Reaper rapport.

David Cairns

Boris Karloff stars in producer Val Lewton's morbid Isle of the Dead (Mark Robson; 1945).

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Dearth of the Cat People

It's a sequel in nothing but name
Lisping geeks cry "Fruthtrating! It'th lame!"
But this "Curse" is no cheat
It's a nursery treat
Quite unique with this otherworld dame.

David Cairns

Irena (Simone Simon) haunts Curse of the Cat People (Robert Wise and Gunther von Fritsch; 1944) and young Amy Reed (Ann Carter). Title by Donald B. Benson, a cat people person.

Monday, November 27, 2017

Hairball of Fire

"Will she cuddle up close in the sack?"
Wonders Judd, an hypnosis-crazed quack
Yes, this Mrs. is pretty
But one kiss she turns kitty
Sorry bud, adios! You're a snack!

Dr. Judd (Tom Conway) puts Irena Reed (Simon Simon) under hypnosis in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942).

Sunday, November 26, 2017

Carnival of Trolls

In demand, a big tent main attraction,
I can't stand I don't get any action
But this spinach-fueled schmo
Blows right into my show,       
I get canned, and I end up in traction.

Bluto thinks he's the star of the Popeye cartoon King of the Mardi Gras (1935).

Friday, November 24, 2017

Bristle While You Work

Down in festering tombs, damp and cold,
Never question, exhume as you're told
Raising caskets to rob
Do not ask -- it's a job
And the best you can do, just paroled.

Henry (Colin Clive) and Fritz (Dwight Frye) ransack the graveyard in Frankenstein (James Whale; 1931).

Thursday, November 23, 2017

Schreck's Kitten

She's forlorn, though she truly gives thanks
For the corniest, pool-centered pranks
But have fun with Irena
And you'll run down the drain-a
When she's horny, you fool, she turns Manx.

Tom Conway and Simone Simon as Irena in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942). Title by kittenish David Cairns. Happy Thanksgiving from the hepcats at LimerWrecks.

Uncaged Malady

Lie still now, you're feeling quite sleepy
Will you kill or be healed? This is creepy!
An ailment neurotic?
Or tale more exotic?
This thriller's a "B" but no cheapie.

Irena (Simon Simon) undergoes hypnosis with Dr. Judd (Tom Conway) in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942). Title by uncaged male Donald B. Benson.

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Dreading Water

Cats don't care for the drink, it's a fact
They just stare and they blink, all arched-backed
But they don't like their paws wet
So you won't get all clawed yet
Though beware! Sleazeball shrinks are attacked!

David Cairns and Surly Hack

Jane Randolph and Simone Simon in Cat People ( Jacques Tourneur, 1942).

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Lamb to the Water

Half-naked and wet, you can't speak
You break a cold sweat, knees go weak
Soft, padded footfalls
A shadow that mauls                
Can't take it? Then let go a shriek!

 Jane Randolph jumps in the pool in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942).

Monday, November 20, 2017

Cat Walk

The figures cross pregnant dark places
Heels clicking to echo their paces
Our senses are keen
To menace off-screen
Or hidden in negative spaces.

Jane Randolph and Simone Simon go for a walk in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942).

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Am I Bluto?

Yeah, I'm great, but I wish I were thin      
Out on dates with this dish I can't win
I'm a slob, she's afraid
And some gob makes the grade
I can't wait 'til I squish his face in.

The eternal black-and-blue triangle: Popeye Bluto and Olive Oyl in Beware of Barnacle Bill (1935). Title by blue-haired Donald B. Benson.

Friday, November 17, 2017

Dullard Oblongata

Fetch a brain that is warm, good and kind
Must be sane, well-informed, and refined
You had only one job
You dumb drone, you poor slob...
Who'll explain the abnormal-type mind?

Fritz (Dwight Frye) drops the normal brain in Frankenstein (James Whale; 1931). Title by the oblong David Cairns.

Thursday, November 16, 2017

Couching Tiger

When adored young Irena's transfigured
Hide a sword in your cane like old Sigurd
When this wildcat gets frisky
Or else riled, then it's risky
Act untoward toward this jane and you're jiggered!

David Cairns

Simone Simon as Irena, and Tom Conway as her amorous psychiatrist, Dr. Judd, in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942). Judd carries a cane which contains a blade in the handle.

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Nothing More Than Felines

In a Serbian village long gone
A disturbing megillah went on
The men formed committees
And transformed into kitties
But those furballs were killed by King John.

David Cairns

In Irena's dream in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942), Dr. Judd (Tom Conway) appears as King John of Serbia, bearing his sword to punish heathens.

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Cad People

Don't you blindly tempt fate, just dismiss her
She's a client, not date, so don't kiss her
Just one smooch on her mouth
And your future goes south
Though you'll find she's a great little hisser.

Psychiatrist Dr. Louis Judd (Tom Conway) and his patient Irena Dubrovna Reed (Simone Simon) in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942). Title by David Cairns, a real people person.

Monday, November 13, 2017

Claws For Alarm

Her beauty he came to adore.
He loved her like no girl before.
But then he was shocked
When marriage unlocked
The wrong type of Pussy Galore.

Donald B. Benson

Cozy or ominous? Newlyweds Oliver and Irena (Kent Smith and Simone Simon) cuddle by the fire in The Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942).

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Greens to an End

He mumbles (with hints that he cussed)
In rumbles he's mincemeat--a bust
But greens from a tin
Are means for a win
His muscles in spinach do trust.

Surly Hack and Donald B. Benson

Friday, November 10, 2017

In Tent to Kill

At the circus they die with a splat!
From their perches up high they fall flat  
Hubby Dwight is quite jealous
And a mite overzealous
So berserk that he'll try on this hat!

Dwight Frye plays trapeze artist "Flandrin the Great" in Circus Queen Murder (Roy William Neill ; 1933), which the IMDb describes as "...a sordid tale of marital infidelity, murder, cruelty to animals, and cannibalism." Sounds like pre-Code to me. Title by well in-tent-ioned Donald B. Benson.

Thursday, November 9, 2017

Letting the Cat Out

You dope! Though she's fit and of age,
Don't open this pretty one's cage
Her inner she-beast
By sin is released
And you'll cope with a kitty cat's rage.

Simone Simon and Tom Conway in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942). Title by hepcat Donald B. Benson.

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Scratch Me If You Can

Not purring, just matter of fact
How she yearns for a pat on the back
To a loafer she's wedded
Now the sofa is shredded
Cause she turns to a cat in the sack.

David Cairns

Simone Simon stars as Irena in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942).

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Kitten Around

At the zoo, meet a Serbian sketching
Bill and coo, she's superb, and she's fetching
But when kissing her quick
She goes "Hiss!" and looks sick
And she spews up a furball -- that's retching.

David Cairns

Oliver Reed approaches Irena Dubrovna as she sketches a black panther at the zoo: Kent Smith and Simone Simon in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942).

Monday, November 6, 2017

Cat Scandal

If to passion Simone doth surrender
(In a flash she is prone to feel tender)
She's afraid she'll transform
And have strayed from the norm
Then she'll slash to the bone her offender.

David Cairns

Simone Simon as Irena in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942).

Friday, November 3, 2017

Whelp Wanted

Going mad, into secrets they pry,
Create addled, sick freaks that won't die  
When the work and the gore
For these jerks proves a chore
They place ads for a sneak like D Frye.

Your friendly neighborhood mad doctor is at it again. Boris Karloff as The Monster, Dwight Frye as Fritz, and Colin Clive as the doc, Henry Frankenstein (James Whale; 1931). Title by David Cairns, wanted in North and South Dakota.

Thursday, November 2, 2017

When the Growing Gets Tufts

Lugosi's a Roma with bite
Who knows where he roams late at night?
This gypsy's a curse
He'll nip you or worse
Fur grows plastic combs can't make right.

Larry Talbot (Lon Chaney) is bitten by Béla (Lugosi), the Gypsy werewolf in The Wolf Man (1941). Title and assist by David Cairns, a growing boy.

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Employ All Monsters

Here's a silly and raggedy romp
Drac will kill, monsters stagger and stomp
It's a House overrun
But why grouse? It's great fun!
Till the villain is dragged down a swamp.

House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton; 1944), a monster crossover starring Boris Karloff, Lon Chaney Jr., and John Carradine. Thanks to David Cairns for the assist.

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

May Cause Lousiness

Mad doctors, ignore that wild notion!
Concoct not deplorable potion!
One pour of the stuff
Is more than enough
To set schlock film horrors in motion.

Fredric March as stirs up trouble in Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (Rouben Mamoulian; 1931). Title caused by David Cairns. Happy Halloween from the mad scientists at LimerWrecks!

Stay tuned, fright fans.. In the coming weeks we'll continue our horror theme, with limericks about the films of Val Lewton and Jacques Tourneur, 1950s sci-fi monsters, Hammer Horror and more!

Monday, October 30, 2017

Meets Don't Fail Me Now

The Wolf Man sashays 'cross the map
The Monster is dazed, looks like crap
There's Frankenstein's daughter
And tanks full of water
Maleva drops phrase "That's a wrap!" 

The Monster (Bela Lugosi) looms like an armoire as Lawrence Talbot (Lon Chaney Jr) seeks the counsel of Maleva the Gypsy Woman (Maria Ouspenskaya) in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (1943).

Sunday, October 29, 2017

Doghouse of Frankenstein

He's noxiously evil and clever
Sends shocks with one squeeze of a lever
He's mad -- lost his grip -- 
Your shadow he'll snip!
It's this doctor's most fiendish endeavor.

The Mad Doctor (David Hand; 1933) is a classic Mickey Mouse cartoon co-starring Pluto. Due to its unusually scary content, at one time it was banned in the United Kingdom and Nazi Germany. Title by dog-eared Donald B. Benson.

Saturday, October 28, 2017

These Boots Were Made For Walking Dead

In footwear that's XXXL
This brute's raising heck in his cell
All warped in his mind
He leaves corpses behind
Now his boots walk directly to hell.

David Cairns

Boris Karloff IS the Monster of Frankenstein (James Whale; 1931). Accept no substitutes.

Friday, October 27, 2017

Best Performances in a Revival

This frightfully menacing ditz
Ignites when the energy hits
This man of spare parts,
Uncanny, restarts
Delighting both Henry and Fritz.

Boris Karloff as the Monster, Dwight Frye as Fritz, and Colin Clive as Henry Frankenstein (James Whale; 1931). Title by best boy Donald B. Benson.